It is time to return to the Pit of 100 Trials, and make our way to Floor 50 for loot.
Unfortunately, we will have to go through 1-30 again, but this seems like a decent chance to showcase Stampede, since it is still a cool attack.
...With a bit of a weird Action Command, admittedly.
All hail the dinosaur wrangler!
...Wow, that's a lot of extra HP you've got there.
It would be a shame if...
Something were to happen to it! He doesn't actually spontaneously combust on losing 5 max HP, but it is nice to have another Badge. If we never want it, we can always sell it!
Stage hazards froze the Pokeys. We seem to have escaped, thankfully, or else this would get dead boring for a while.
More Badge Poins for the BP gods.
With Zap Tap on, it's for the best he missed.
Yay, double one Star Point! She can do that.
Unfortunately, Ms. Mowz's Love Slap only pierces Defence. You're on your own with invisibility.
At least the stage is finally working for me?
Vivian pulling off Fiery Jinx to just make all the Bob-ombs go away.
That's a Dark Koopa. It lives in dark places that the light never reaches. Max HP is 8, Attack is 4, and Defense is 2. It's a bit tougher than a regular Koopa, so you won't be able to beat it easily. But, it DOES have the same weakness as a regular Koopa. Flip it over and it's helpless. Why do you think it needs sunglasses down here, anyway? What's the point?
Dark Koopa is the original enemy we'll meet in the first of the Pit's new floors. You may remember these guys could Dizzy us in 64. That power has been removed from their toolkit, and they can only Shell Shot here. Not even Power Shell. Ah well, can't all be winners.
In addition to Dark Koopas, this set of floors has Hyper Clefts, Parabuzzies, Shady Koopas and Flower Fuzzies.
Well, that guy is very very dead.
Hyper Clefts are so much less scary with Spike Shield. Not the Chapter 4 enemy I wish I had Spike Shield for, but you know, it works.
...Not in here, please not in here.
Multibounce!
Shady Koopas have come back from the Glitz Pit, although appearing on the same floor as Dark Koopas is both confusing and makes the brand new variety seem so harmless. Moreso than they already are.
They're also more fragile than Dark Koopas, when they're not flipped over. They do at least make it interesting if you're fighting a mixed group of them.
More money!
Ms. Mowz showing off another trick for Hyper Clefts I now have.
...Sure.
On level 40, I got a random spawn to occur in the strangest first place to see one. This Puni is a Mover, and he's your new best friend.
In exchange for money, of which there is plenty in the Pit, he can Move you down a few levels and skip some of the tedious (early) or difficult (late) fights. He can skip the rest floors, depriving you of Badges, although if he even appears in the room, you won't have to fight the enemy at all. This can also cause issues if you're going for a full Tattle Log, but as long as you don't use him and don't get too many of him, you should be fine.
But before we head any further down with either technique, we must pick this Badge up. Pity Flower (3 BP) will give you a 30% chance of restoring 1 FP every time you take damage. Decent-ish filler Badge if you have 3 BP as "filler". This Badge can only be found in the Pit (although it's also available for stealing further down).
I decide why not, I'll take the Mover. It'll reduce the amount of extra Star Points I get before going to the next Chapter.
So how far have I gone? I have "skipped" four floors, although I suppose that's not counting the floor that's skipped for free as a property of the Mover overwriting the enemy.
Anyway, our enemies for this floor will be Dark Paratroopa, Bulky Bob-omb, Lava Bubble, Poison Pokey and Spiky Parabuzzy. Dark Paratroopa is the only Pit-exclusive enemy, while Poison Pokey and Spiky Parabuzzy will be found in Chapter 6. I'll let them show up there, but rest assured this menagerie of foes is one that is very scary to have around without Bobbery (for the Lava Bubbles) and the Ultra Stone. And also the extra edge of another Chapter's Star Points.
What the hell do you do about Spiky Parabuzzies? Spike Shield. Forgot to grab that?
You don't really have an answer in your partner's toolkit this time. Fiery Jinx and Bob-ombast can hit aerial enemies, but Buzzies happen to be immune to that. Earth Tremor it is.
Phew, Dark Paratroopa spawned.
This is a Dark Paratroopa. It lives in dark, damp places. Max HP is 8, Attack is 4, and Defense is 2. It's strong, but otherwise just like other Paratroopas. It's airborne, so try to ground it first.Dark Paratroopa, like his grounded brethren, does nothing but Sky Dive you. They do have data for appearing in 64, although they did not actually do so. They didn't have their Dizzy attack unless they were on the ground, though. Much like Shady Koopas are only cool on the ground in this game, too.
Of course you did.
Multibounce coming in handy again.
Big fireball! Still just as susceptible to combustion.
Poison Pokeys have 8 HP, making them a significant improvement over Pokeys. Helps they appeared three chapters after their originals.
They have higher Atk, too, but that just means Superguarding their segments back does more damage. Less damage as a percentage, though.
Power Shell can finish them off, though.
More money!
Anyway, that is all we came for. The Strange Sack is the only inventory upgrade in the entire trilogy, and it is absolutely worth braving the Pit for. Is it worth braving the first half of the Pit twice for? Not if you're in it for speed, but if you're not going to bother with the bottom half ever, you're fine.
The next Badge worth picking up is on Floor 80, and the extra Star Points we're going to get are a fair reason to not go down until postgame. Mostly to keep the level ups and free heals, though. I'm sure we could handle it if we really wanted, though.
...Do I smell a chance at redemption?
Yay! Never using this Badge, but yay!
...OK, that's just funny enough not to get mad at.
But it was not funny enough to justify that.
...Not worth the FP to steal that Dried Shroom. I'm sure he has a cunning plan for it.
Back above ground, and there'll be plenty of cooking to be done.
I had enough Ultra Shrooms to get the full set of syrupy Ultras.
Unfortunately, I still need one more Jammin' Jelly for the Jelly Super. It'll turn up, I'm sure.
Of all the things to do with a Coconut I brought home from the trip to Keelhaul...
An explosive?
This may be thrown at Flavio at some point, I assume.
Probably for the best I cook it into something else before I get too tempted.
Wonky told us what to expect, and...
Is this a dish or dynamite? Either way, it's an attack-all item that does 7 damage to everything. I know exactly what I'm using it on, and surprisingly, I didn't forget to pack it- something else happened.
I have the cash, so why not?
The W Emblem doesn't do much to change Mario, merely dressing him in the colours of Wario- yellow hat, purple overalls and green shoes. I think this is the only appearance of Wario in the RPGs- this and a poster in Superstar Saga. Surprisingly, despite these games being a perfect opportunity, the extended Mario cast usually sits the RPGs out- the Paper Mario games prefer original content while the Mario & Luigi games prefer making the best out of the main cast.
I want you to meet and speak to someone for me. I'll tell you all about it at my house in Twilight Town.
Anyway, onto the Trouble Centre, and we have something for our friendly single mother.
(We have two of them this time, incidentally.)
I'm told that, while technically possible, that usually ends badly. I wish it worked, though.
...Your birds have fibre optics and you haven't even discovered water clocks?
...Who's ringing the bell? I thought Doopliss rung it manually to do the pig curse. Is there a Boo who's sounding it for fun? Does it still curse people something less harmful?
...Look, just because you got burned the first time doesn't mean you have to be so rude about not giving it out the second.
That's the spirit, be the best person you can be! One question:
And then the next one. And then the next one. Look, eventually, you're going to have to be that person or just stop wishing you are.
Time to put on the heavy plot gloves.
Immediately, so much is explained.
Huh. Those are some depths I wouldn't have imagined Podley would have gone for. Eve, though, far less surprising.
...Yeah, sounds about right for actors.
...Well that came out of nowhere. At least it seems like Eve's career was going somewhere. Not necessarily better places, but new places.
...Podley, are you capable of existing in a romance story without absolutely ruining the lives of the characters therein?
This is the second person Podley has torn away from their passion because of his cowardice. I wonder which happened first. I can only imagine him watching the disaster of one drove him to make the opposite decision dealing with the other.
At least Eve has a life worth living. Depending on what was going on upstairs, she may even have gotten the better deal, dead second husband aside.
She would like to establish some closure, though.
...Are we going to be party to Podley messing up again?
...
Is this supposed to be a joke about how that was a surprise? I mean, she's absolutely pure-hearted now... oh crap, this is supposed to be a joke about how she's put on weight, isn't it? Mario, you ain't exactly skinny yourself, you know.
Let's go.
"I try to stay out of it. It usually ends in other people getting hurt. This might be a me problem."
Time to talk about Eve.
...
Yup. That is the reaction of a man who knows he has hurt too many to try "doing anything" again.
He tells her to move on, appreciate what she has, and don't ask for him again.
He tries to pass himself off as emotionally distanced from the situation, but as you walk away, he mutters "Oh, my Eve...." I missed the textbox- this is the only time the game really pulls this and I wasn't expecting it, so I had already walked away by the time I needed to take the shot.
...That is a very... easy pair of options to misread. I'm assuming "the truth" here means to tell her that Podley has forgotten her. Because apparently Mario has no regard for subtextual cues and pattern recognition.
It's probably a little rude, but I was expecting Mario to give a more nuanced window of the truth than merely the words Podley said.
Because I think not mentioning the subtext may have been the cruelest option we could've gone with.
Oh, Podley... I knew our love could never die! Thank you... but no more! I'm a different person now. Yes, a devoted mother... Just knowing he feels the same is enough for me to know joy for all of my days. Thank you so much, Mario. You've breathed new life into this old girl's heart...
The dialogue for lying. I think telling her the truth was the better option, but I'm still thinking Mario is kind of a jerk in both options and Eve is covering for his shortcomings to reach a healthy result.
Perhaps the most awkward segue after Eve's heartfelt statement that her kids are her future.
...Did you buy one of these for Podley purposes, or is this completely unrelated? Well, at least we know how Zess T. makes money.
The Meteor Meal is the combination of a Shooting Star and a Mushroom delicacy (Shroom Fry being the easiest one to make). It combines the effects of a weak healing item and a Slow Shroom, buffing a weak item in a way that doesn't really... distract from the weaknesses of that item?
I feel like I did more to hurt Eve than I helped. But at least she's feeling better, thanks to herself. Maybe there's a reason Peach never tries to tie the knot with Mario.
...She needs to find someone in town with empathy and please tell me there is such a person...
Unironically, kinda shipping her with the item shop lady.
Hah. Now after the Pit of 100 Trials is when I pick up more FP.
I'm pretty happy living out here on Keelhaul Key, but there's one thing I miss! I need a girlfriend! Please come listen to my request! I'm in the storeroom deep in the cave on Keelhaul Key.
This is going to be one of the funnier sidequests in a schadenfreude kinda way, and I don't think you have to think too hard about why that might be from the premise alone. However, we're going to put that trouble on the backburner for a while: If we're going to Keelhaul Key for it, there's something else I want to start first.
Yes, we're going to be interspersing this Trouble with the actual plot we need to do.
Snoozing with a blue nose and on a bed in a room that normally contains only a desk. Right. Who am I to question Don Pianta, though?
Sounds like someone's ready to admit he really wants his daughter back.
This really does imply you never actually went back to Don Pianta's room between getting the Blimp Ticket and now. Don Pianta's threat to make you meet an early grave carried a lot of weight, it seems, and it's probably best for the story that this is how it turned out.
With Don Pianta, Francesca and Frankie gone, the Pianta syndicate is low on brains and their carefully crafted empire across Rogueport is crumbling. Aspiring mafiosos, take note: It may be tempting to ensure your lackeys don't have the intelligence to contradict your carefully crafted orders, and there may be good reason for this, but it does make your organisation vulnerable to what programmers call "the Bus factor".
We are not able to do anything about this directly- at least, I hope Mario is neither able nor willing to contribute to organised crime- so let us move on to why we are here.
...An expensive favour. At a time the syndicate can hardly afford to part with such.
These two bozos probably aren't even allowed to operate the thermostat unsupervised.
The Don is still the man to talk to.
The Don kinda moans about Francesca again, which is why Vinny and Tony are getting more teary-eyed.
Vinny and Tony suggest that the Don might light up if he could get some closure with his estranged daughter and wayward apprentice.
And we happen to know exactly where to find them.
(Flurrie calls them delightful kids, Bobbery calls them frondy folk, and Mowz calls them "cutie" and "darling" respectively. Surprisingly, the other partners manage to avoid calling them anything in the same amount of words).
This comes as a surprise.
...A big surprise. "Turn you into confetti" is an... interesting threat in the context of a Paper Mario game... like, I would not be surprised to hear a mafia-type character make this threat, but since we're made of paper... being turned into confetti is not an unusual way to kill us. Sounds right out of Origami King.
At any rate, we now get to the point in the story that Cortez offering us free ferries to Keelhaul Key is designed to handle. We must have access to Keelhaul Key at this point in the story in order for this quest to work. There's not much they can really do on their end to change this, other than maybe switching Key to Pirates with For the Pigs The Bell Tolls. Even then, I don't think that would actually offer a way to not need Cortez.
Vinny and Tony cannot come with us. This would be the perfect chance for Ishnail, Gus, Garf, and probably over a dozen odd crooks to exact some well-earned revenge on the Don.
Hey, Don Pianta, if you agree to this, stir in your sleep!
...
Works for me!
...A bit of a weird response if you don't say no.
Vinny: Whah? WHAT did you say?!? I thought we were like family! Dis is how you treat family?!?
Tony: It would be real sad to see somethin' real bad happen to you guys... Real sad...
Mario options:
I'll do it!
I understand!
As dark as it is, shoutouts to how hilarious refusing is.
Well then, let's get going.
That's Cortez, remember? The dread pirate ghost feared by all? Ring a bell? Boy, hard to imagine someone that scary would like us... But he's just a big sweetie! Plus, he's like our taxi service between Rogueport and Keelhaul Key! I love him!
...OK, I think I can appreciate this Tattle enough to admire the idea of having Cortez as a ferry.
And off we sail, no sooner than we had left.
Complete with a day passing in the background. Narratively, we have a time limit, and this sailing animation always makes me antsy even though there's no in-game penalty for dawdling, same as any other RPG.
The people around camp will tell you where the Piantas happen to be if asked. The textdump does have dialogue if you went out of your way to come here to check up on them before the time came to take them home.
I do not think the same.
Even Pa-Patch is distracted from having much to say. Although looking in the text-dump, I did find an interesting Pa-Patch line:
Pa-Patch: Oy, I get all squirmy inside when I hear them Piantas gettin' all lovey-dovey... I wonder if Bobbery was like that wif Miss Scarlette all them long years ago? Nnnnnyuck! Just imaginin' it gives me a bit o' bile in the ol' gut!
Combined with a later line about Bobbery (and the fact he often has a separate line for the Admiral in general), I do have to wonder if Pa-Patch is intended to be at least somewhat gay or just particularly romance-repulsed.
The sunset from here is just bloomin' amazin'. You oughta take a look sometime, Bobbery. It explodes wif light... Yeah, kinda like the light from your blast, Admiral! No offense, o' course... You can just pretend I didn't say that...
(The line in question, it's not really spoilery and I don't remember seeing it in person.)
True.
...Uh oh.
In the International version, Keel Mangoes spawn from these kinds of trees only after Chapter 5 has been completed. They cook into Fresh Juice and are needed in two recipes, as well as probably being the ingredient you're using in a Fruit Parfait.
In the Japanese version, you could always get them from trees. The usually accepted reason for why they were removed is that the clue for satisfying Flavio's demand for a Coconut in exchange for the Chuckola Cola is that you find something more "tropical", and the Keel Mango satisfies this. I feel like the quest might have benefited from the mechanical tweak, but maybe they just really wanted you to know how to get Coconuts?
That's Francesca's guy, Frankie. He's decided to stay here and live with Francesca. But I know he's really worried about Don Pianta...
That's Francesca the Pianta. She and Frankie liked it here and decided to stay. ...But we've got to get them back as quickly as we can!
Francesca and Frankie are over here. While they are here, this screen won't spawn enemies. Incidentally, this is also the screen in which the shortcut pipe to Keelhaul Key will appear, and a part of me wonders if they could've accomplished some narrative tension by us not knowing how to get to Keelhaul Key without Cortez offering us a free round trip, so we have to go look for the pipe in the sewers to establish a way back to reach Frankie and Francesca. In the game as is, the pipe in question is locked behind an upgrade we don't yet have, and the same obstacle blocks the shortcut pipe to Poshley Heights- a bit of an issue on paper, but one easily circumvented mechanically even without moving either pipe.
But hey, Cortez as a ferry system isn't the worst alternative- it's not like it's that out of character. Just kinda feels like he would've liked to do some other sailing now that he has his Skull Gem back? I suppose he's got an eternity to stretch his bones, might as well let Mario have his fun with his short life.
Anyway, now that we are here, let us see what these two lovebirds have gotten up to. Francesca fumbles our name, and it just occurs to me that at no point does she really care to have learned it by this point: In the Blimp Ticket plot, we were more often her enemy than her ally, and here in Chapter 5, she just called us "Captain" or recognised us by face alone.
Learning the Don is sick is enough to get them to start worrying about maybe coming back from their honeymoon. As... weird as this whole visit is to call such.
..."A time like this?"
Did you notice she didn't have her ring on her palm anymore? This is the worst kind of place to lose jewelry: The place where you absolutely under no circumstances stick your hand where you cannot see it.
...That is a lot of ground it could possibly be.
(Also, the skull rock has long since been blown up, and I wonder why Francesca even knows it was there.)
Frankie was expressing concern for the boss's well-being even before now, if you visited this place early. He took his training as the next head of the syndicate to heart.
And Francesca is a lot more dedicated to the relationship than he is.
...Your father is literally sick with worry because you got shipwrecked on an island cursed by pirates, and you think your fiance is the one in the wrong for showing more concern for him than his concern for your lost jewelry (of which he still possesses!), which by your own admission, is somewhere across three screens of jungle (like hell I am counting how many steps Mario must take to cross this distance) swarming with man-eating plants and life-draining ticks?
I'd ask if she's projecting, but I think the matter might be a little more sinister.
This is intended as, and taken as, a term of endearment, but I guarantee this is not something you say to an angry human woman.
...Times like this you forget Francesca was raised by a murderous criminal mastermind.
...Wait, she's serious?
Frankie tries reasoning with her again.
But no. She's absolutely as serious as she sounds.
And Frankie does it.
At 10 times, Francesca turns around and a counter appears in the bottom-right of the text box. I don't think two images alone can fully portray how absolutely insane it is that every single instance of the phrase "I love you" has its own text box that you have to mash through. If only 64's "hold the B Button to skip" was still here, perhaps people would miss this joke.
The text dump handles this exchange weirdly- the first nine "I love yous" appear as you would expect, then there's a "break" in the textbox (all 99 "I love yous" are considered to be in the same text box as far as the Z Button is concerned), and then there is only one instance of the phrase "I love you", with no indication of how the counter is printed. I mean, one can only assume this ridiculousness is being dynamically generated, because no programmer would ever have the patience to write out 90 unique textboxes all containing "I love you! Counter: X", but perhaps this ought to have been an indicator that maybe the player didn't want to mash through it either? It's at least funny the first time you see it, which seems to be the only reason it's here.
Frankie ploughs through all 99 "I love you"s admirably, before crashing into a wall and being visibly winded. Fortunately, this doesn't seem to be permanent, or else Francesca would have to deal with both the significant men in her life being sick in her name.
Francesca blows off the ridiculousness of her own artificially forced situation, to the pleasure of absolutely nobody involved other than herself.
Frankie sets aside the matter of the boss and decides not to get into any more weird shenanigans.
Koops: Ummm... You think these two are going to be all right on their own? I don't think so, personally. We ought to help them...
Flurrie: Mario, darling, do you think these two will be OK? I daresay they seem a bit lost... Perhaps we should help them...
Dr. Agon: Wow, you think these guys are gonna be all right looking for that thing on their own? Listen, Mario... We'd better play it safe and help them, don'tcha think?
Vivian: I wonder if these two will be all right on their own... Uh, Mario... I think it might be a good idea to help them...
Bobbery: I say, old boy, do you think these two will be quite all right by their lonesomes? I shouldn't think so, me... We should help them...
Ms. Mowz: Do you think these two can really make it on their own, dearie? Personally, I don't think so. Yes, we should help them...
Your indicator that you're going to be the one stuck actually finding the damn thing.
It will, of course, be right next to the skull rock.
Hugging the walls and hoping for the best.
...I guess at least it happened sometime?
I suppose it doesn't bear mentioning that any fight- backtracking, boss fight, or Pit of 100 Trials- where the enemies can't be wiped out in three attacks or less presents a non-zero risk of a Poison Shroom Bingo! hitting you hard everywhere it hurts? Like, this can just... happen at any time if you're unlucky. The audience fleeing isn't a permanent thing, thankfully, but the loss in HP, FP and SP is.
I guess they didn't want Bingo! to be purely positive, but this was not the solution to that problem, if that even was a problem. It's just... unpleasant.
Even at max SP, you can't use Sweet Feast immediately after a Poison Shroom.
The worst part?
These guys aren't worth Star Points anymore. We're barely out from the part of the game where they were intended to be scary and we've been brought down to genuine danger from something that wasn't on their heads.
No idea why I tried this, but it turns out I found something.
I'm going to need that when I get back, thankfully I didn't grab it earlier.
The ring is around here, of course, in the map that formerly had the skull rock. You know, because just in case you didn't have enough of crossing those three screens back in Chapter 5, they had to throw another round trip through them here for no particular reason.
Anyway, we're now going to go do the Trouble, because it required us travel this far and further anyway. Much more convenient than I thought- I only did this so I needed to take one round trip with Cortez, not even thinking about pairing it with the trip up and down to get to the Grotto itself.
Dang Bullet Bills.
And another stage drop to add insult to injury on the way. At least Dr. Agon is electrified.
...Fighting an enemy that doesn't get hit by Zap Tap.
The least you could've done was heal me for something.
Although now that it reminds me, I could use the healing.
The power of Sweet Feast over Sweet Treat. The two just do not compare.
Our destination is in here, where we found the key.
Goom Goom is sitting in the corner here. I'm not sure if he's actually a Rogueport NPC, nor where he would be normally if he is.
I feel like that's a "you" problem. What did you expect?
Prepare for complications in three, two...
Yup. There's only one girl we can show him that matches these standards, and he will reject all others.
That's Goom Goom, who asked us for help, remember? Looks like he's enjoying life here on Keelhaul Key, but he's a bit lonely. By the way, you don't suppose I'd qualify as a cute Goomba gal, do you?
Fortunately, the game is not tasking you to find such a woman. He will check your currently active partner for a match and react accordingly.
Apparently, Goom Goom isn't into the goth look. Goom Goom is the only other significant instance in the game of a character acknowledging Vivian's in-question gender status, rejecting Vivian for being a male in Japanese. The Italian version removed the transphobia, instead making his reason for avoiding Vivian being that, since Vivian has two ugly sisters, Vivian is likely to grow ugly as she gets older.
...Well, can't have everything, but he's clearly an asshole in every language anyway.
After every rejection, he'll remind you what the correct answer is.
Although his rudeness does not go uncommented on by your partner. Vivian's response in all languages is pretty much "I'm rejecting you too", although how intertwined this is in her gender identity again depends on how much your language is interested in that.
I think you saw this conversation coming for old man Bobbery.
Although I was not expecting this. Bobbery was happily married to Scarlette, and even his new lease on life does not necessarily indicate Bobbery is ready to find new love, merely continue his passion for the sea in the name of his lost wife, although it certainly sounds like not only is a new partner on the table, but he doesn't mind looking for one amongst men either. Although it's 2004, this could just as easily be Bobbery reminding us he's het.
Goom Goom's only reason for rejecting Ms. Mowz is the fact that she's a Mouser and not anything about her appearance.
Ms. Mowz is also happily married, and she doesn't seem to have any issues with her (still living) husband, although in her mouse-burglar persona, she is happy to portray the image of still being available. And she seems to have taken such a rude rejection personally.
...Uh... You... do know Dr. Agon is a kid, right? That might be partially on us, but also Dr. Agon is the fast travel partner, he's likely the first one we try on accident.
Dr. Agon's reaction to the rejection is the least gay of the three, for obvious reasons. I choose to read that last line as less "taking it personally" and more "you're a jerk and I've been born long enough to know no self-respecting woman will want to be in your company."
Don't worry, non-Italian gamers, Goom Goom rejects older ladies no matter what language you're using! I guess we should've expected that for Flurrie.
I am amazed our partners aren't ready to kill one or both of us by now.
...OK, that one was a clear stretch to try and morph this into a rejection matching everyone else's. Also the only one where his rejection of a male is explicitly because they are male.
This one is worth it for Koops's reaction. Don't worry, buddy, I think he called you the most attractive out of the non-Goombas we have. Behind possibly Ms. Mowz.
...Is it just perspective, or is Goombella shorter than Goom Goom? I don't usually have Goombella this close to other Goombas, outside maybe Frankly (who usually stands behind a desk).
What, did you think we were done with this guy's awful streak now that he got what he wanted? Everyone else dodged a bullet. And I think I'm less opposed to Ms. Mowz getting her paws on him.
Although his pickup line game could use some work.
Be careful what you wish for, Goombella.
Mario, as always, finding the best lines to blink frame on.
And he goes right for the Couple's Cake.
To Mario's confusion, Goombella goes back to a strategy she first used in the opening of the game and rushes to Mario's side and uses him as a shield. The first time around, it was a pretty valid tactic, if kind of a cold read to know Mario was safe enough to use it on. This time, it kinda leans into the sexist reasons this tactic works- hostile men just respect other men's claims to women far more than any claims the woman could have on her own. Unfortunately, this isn't exactly something that has gotten any better since 2004, although we have an understanding about how the use of this tactic reflects on society.
You have had enough of this? You do know the water behind us is infested with Nibbles and at least half the party is ready to throw you in there by now?
He drops the Couple's Cake and storms out. I feel like this may have been the best case scenario.
Nah, don't worry about it. He deserved far worse.
...Me? You did all the hard work! In a more modern game, you probably could've torn his pride to shreds without leaning on Mario's presence as a shield! Although admittedly, the gimmick of this item means Goombella giving it to us likely means she intends us to use it on her.
...Although now that I think on it, neither Eve nor Goom Goom gave us a new Card for the Pianta Parlor. We still haven't picked up Tube Game, either. Guess we're waiting even longer for those.
At least let the Meteor Meal and Couple's Cake cover for their entries in the recipe list. Or at least let acquiring the items show what the recipe for making them is. As is, these prizes were only worth it if the items were good- and they aren't.
How did I fall down that?
At any rate, my next destination is the main area of Keelhaul Key, and I think the fastest way there is to go to the end of the Pirate's Grotto dungeon and use the back exit we blew up after beating Cortez. A sound plan, with one small catch:
Where the hell are the two barrels that connect the front and the back of Pirate's Grotto? No, seriously, why is this path severed?
Not even Plane Mode can get us that far. Maybe if I was much better at Plane Mode, but somehow I doubt it.
I sucked it up and went out Pirate's Grotto the front entrance and back through the area as intended.
Her ego now mollified, it is time to go and check up on the old man and see what can be done about his depressive bout.
...
The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree, huh?
Why is Frankie putting all the work into the nicknames? I mean, he could stand to put in a little more work, but...
...Meanwhile, I have several questions. Well, OK, no I don't, but I have several disturbing answers. At least he doesn't want Francesca herself, I think there's women who can meet his needs without being... Francesca.
...I feel like that's supposed to be a joke at my expense.
Overall, these Toads have basically rejected modernity and returned to a more relaxed view on life. Good for them.
"I'd just rather they go and be happy over there, where I don't have to watch it." On a deserted island, there's not many places to go if you're not interested in seeing one thing.
Nope, still gone on this side.
Incidentally, this is what Cortez's room looks like. I wish there was more to it, too, or at least the ability to turn the camera. This room feels like it could look amazing if I could just see past the border of the screen.
Just another day of sailing.
And off they dash to their dad. I'm... actually going to catch up in a few moments.
Gonna quickly do my recipes first. 3 HP? What are you, an item I could've got in Chapter 2?
...Uh?
The Mango Delight is an ingredient in a later recipe, but I'm not entirely sure why it deserves the full "special recipe" treatment.
This one, maybe...
Although the item is a recoloured Kooky Cookie. I'm sure it's absolutely one of those recipes you've gotta make for that special someone in-universe, although I'm pretty sure any one of those outcomes would ruin a romantic evening. With that said, I would appreciate a sitcom episode about two of them.
...Only 10 coins? I guess most of the ingredients were free...
Right, time to look in on Don Pianta.
...This story could've gone in a drastically different direction if Francesca dropped anything else.
Fortunately, seeing his daughter back is enough to put him back on his feet. Tragedy averted.
To the sheer delight of the newlyweds, whose arrival was most opportune.
The Don is tickled with joy, although I have no idea why his dialogue bubble is pointed at his crotch and not his face. Maybe they've forgotten the Don hasn't gotten to his feet yet- if he was standing upright, that would be a lot closer to where his mouth would be in that position.
Ha ha ha. Ha. Frankie and Mario both opening their mouths before realising neither of them are listening.
Don Pianta does some introspection and realises he was wrong to tell them to go be happy somewhere else.
If he wants to be happy, he needs to allow them to be happy here, with him. He can't not have them in his life.
Trust me, if you wanted peace, you should've let them stay on Keelhaul Key.
This is a mafia don talking. With the earnestness of a bully in a kid's story. Which, to be fair, in a game where he's not allowed to order hits on people or tommy gun the Robbos, he basically is one. Only without much in the way of on-screen bullying.
This experience has provided a valuable lesson: He's an old Pianta now, he can't be the same person he always has been, and there are going to have to be some changes in the way the syndicate is run.
He is no longer in shape to be the head honcho.
And dumps the responsibilities he is putting on the shelf on Frankie. Who, to be fair, has had experience being groomed for the position amidst his whirlwind romance with Francesca, but also he just came back from a forced shipwreck vacation and he's got a few questions to ask Francesca.
And all but begs Don Pianta to give him a little more time before he takes the chair.
Unfortunately, the Don has the utmost confidence in Frankie. With absolutely nothing but his competence on the job in question, I have no doubts this confidence is founded, too.
"...da way I did". That's a very funny way of phrasing what is about to happen.
Frankie, too, is vaguely aware of what's going on, and doesn't know how to escape the impending dread.
Before we discuss that, though, the Don needs to address Mario's role in this arrangement.
..."Kid"? I think mafia dons do that to adults, too, but still. That feels more appropriate for the average JRPG lead than Mario.
Vinny and Tony know exactly where this conversation is going- they're the ones responsible for it. And now the time has come to pay the piper.
Every word of that last line is printed slowly and deliberately. Or rather, it's delivered so you can practically hear the horrifying tone with which he utters the phrase "What. Did you guys. Do?"
So yeah. We're here for some rather expensive tickets.
And the Don... completely blows off the request.
"Eight, please!" Like the Blimp Ticket, this ticket is good for the rest of the game, and we'll be allowed to ride the Excess Express as many times as we please. You only need to ride it once to complete the game (although admittedly, the game shows a second trip back to Rogueport, but the player doesn't have to do it)- it takes adding the Trouble Centre to add another reason to board.
Vinny and Tony wondering if the Don's sickness was the perfect time to pocket something.
The Don is happy for us to wander in whenever, a clear change from his earlier "go away and never come back" attitude.
...At which point he announces that he plans to no longer be a resident of the room.
And reminds Frankie that he's in charge.
Anyone else starting to feel like the Don giving us the tickets to the Excess Express with no strings attached wasn't intended to be a reward for us so much as a going-away present to the newlyweds?
If this was a cunning plan crafted between the Don and Francesca to get the Don out of some trouble (legal or territorial) by finding a replacement patsy to take his seat, I would not be surprised, and would in fact be impressed by how well they've both managed to perfectly pull it off.
I doubt it's intended to go that far, although I would be highly concerned if the devs did not intend for there to be any impropiety whatsoever about this arrangement.
Like, the dramatic swing from "hopeless romantic" to "cunning daughter of Don Pianta" is so instantaneous with regard to the exact moment Frankie is trapped in the Don's chair that the former had to be, at least in part, an act, right? The alternative drifts close to some very unpleasant "shrewish wife" implications that I am ashamed to say I wouldn't put past this game.
(Ms. Mowz blink frame.)
...Is this, uh, supposed to be comedic or horrifying? I am feeling both vibes right now.
No, I think you got it right the first time, Vinny.
Bless their hearts, they have no idea.
Neither of them seem to be too hostile to us, so we are free to leave. This is one of those points where I'm feeling less like this scene is intended to be Frankie getting caught up in The Family- everyone involved feels too friendly, although they're clearly talking to us instead of each other.
...No. I feel like leaving in a body bag might be the more pleasant outcome than being Frankie.
Ah, young love. I'd ask if you think you're moving too fast, but I'm concerned the answer is no.
Frankie's gratitude to us still manages to be genuine, despite the fact that we might have done him more harm than good. At least we were always trying to do the right thing. Question mark.
Tony putting another pin in my idea. Frankie alone seems like his position in the syndicate is not just because he's a doormat compared to the Don and Francesca.
Outside those two, Frankie has some cold blood of his own. This is where I would say "there are no winners in crime", but I don't quite feel like that's enough of an appreciation for the gap between Francesca and Frankie.
Vinny continues to trip over his tongue talking about Frankie's new position.
Goombella: Now we can go to Poshley Heights! Awesome! Let's get that sixth Crystal Star as quickly as we can, whaddaya say?
Koops: ...We did it! We can go to Poshley Heights now! Let's get that sixth Crystal Star as quick as we can!
Flurrie: Wonderful! We can head to Poshley Heights now! And in extreme luxury, to boot! Getting this sixth Crystal Star will be a PLEASURE!
Dr. Agon: Yes! Yes! YESSSS! We can go to Poshley Heights! YES! That sixth Crystal Star is as good as ours!
Bobbery: Jolly good show! We'll reach Poshley Heights in time for tea, eh? Finding that sixth Crystal Star shouldn't be more taxing than a vacation, eh wot?
Ms. Mowz: Lovely! Next stop, Poshley Heights! Marvelous! I've begun to think we should find that sixth Crystal Star as fast as we can...
The game waits until we leave Don Pianta's place to celebrate. For some reason.
And that reason is the plot wants us to be overheard.
What, did you think Vivian was the only Shadow Siren able to use Veil to overhear us?
...All of a sudden, I feel like Beldam's been breathing down our necks a lot longer than just now. Can she move while Veiling?
This felt like a good scene to bring out Vivian, but there's some unfortunate news about that.
While Beldam is aware that Vivian has defected to fight for our cause and is suitably annoyed, the game is not prepared to force Vivian into the party for scenes where she appears, and Beldam rarely acknowledges Vivian in a way that would continue a story arc. Yes, Beldam is a very personal opponent for Vivian, but this will proceed to make absolutely no impact on the story. Again, you'd think the fact our party includes a high-ranking enemy defectee would mean something.
Beldam knows full well any fight she picks without Marilyn is going to end with her and her plans completely wiped clean.
So all she has to do is go grab the Crystal Star first instead.
By Veiling.
Vivian, any time you're willing to explain how to Veil and move, that would be great. I'm going to assume she can't take Mario with.
Goombella: Mario! That hag means it! We gotta get to Poshley Heights before she does! Quick! To Rogueport Station!
Koops: We gotta deal, Mario! We have to get to Poshley Heights before Beldam does! Let's make for Rogueport Station! C'mon!
Flurrie: Oh, mercy me, Mario! We simply must reach Poshley Heights before she does! Time is of the essence! To Rogueport Station!
Dr. Agon: Whoa! That sounded bad! We gotta get to Poshley Heights before that witch! Let's make tracks for Rogueport Station!
Bobbery: Mario! That bodes ill! I suggest we reach Poshley Heights before that crone! Look alive, man! We are off to Rogueport Station!
Ms. Mowz: We'd better move, Mario! If she gets to Poshley Heights before we do... Quickly! To Rogueport Station!
Agreed. Let's go.
...Now what?
Are you Mario? Did this e-mail... Did you get this e-mail? Look, technology freaks me out, so if you're not Mario, please destroy this e-mail, OK? But if you are, thanks for saving my captured friends. I figured I'd share a hot tip with you as thanks, so here it is: there's still lots of treasures in Creepy Steeple! Of course, knowing you, you've probably already found it all... Ugh... I'm so useless...
Well, enjoy your not-so-useless adventure.
The Creepy Steeple Boo
A Boo with a crippling lack of self-esteem and... somehow access to email (his nervousness with technology may not be entirely his own in this arrangement) despites to give us a belated thank you for, uh... freeing Atomic Boo? That guy immediately attacked us, I'm not sure I was expecting to be thanked for that one. In thanks, he points out where the Cookbook is in the Creepy Steeple- very helpful information if you didn't know it, completely the wrong time for everybody. But let's not tell him that.
Let's get going. It's worth mentioning now that, like Chapter 5, we will not be allowed to return to Rogueport until we beat the chapter. This will hurt far, far less, because of the nature of the chapter, but you know, it's an existent issue.
Once again, a new chapter begins by hopping on board a vehicle and heading into the distance.
And, of course, another cool "setting off in style" theme to join the mix. Despite some of the weirdness in the beat, I think this one might actually be my favourite in the bunch. Not entirely sure it fits the "ritziness" of the train, though.
Next time: Murder on the Excess Express. Gotcha, didn't I?
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