Welcome aboard the Excess Express. Where are we going? Insane! At the speed of crazy! Wait, wrong notes. This train ride will be anything but smooth sailing, although what form that will take will change around as we progress along the rail to Poshley Heights.
We start with our own room. Every passenger on board has their own room, but none of the staff do, for some reason. I'm not sure where they sleep.
Goombella: Wow! The Excess Express! This is soooo totally luxurious! The three days to Poshley Heights are just gonna fly by! Omigosh, I'm so PSYCHED!
Koops: Imagine! The Excess Express! This is pretty darn nice! The three days to Poshley Heights ought to go pretty quick, huh?
Flurrie: Mercy! The Excess Express! This is rather magnificent! I could get used to this! ♥ The three days to Poshley Heights will be over in the wink of an eye!
Dr. Agon: Aw, yeah, the Excess Express! This is so deluxe, man! The three days to Poshley Heights are gonna be over like THAT!
Bobbery: Harumph! The Excess Express! Rather posh, I must say! Yes, rather posh, indeed! The three days to Poshley Heights ought to pass in an eyeblink, eh, old boy?
Ms. Mowz: Mmmm... the Excess Express! Now this is what I call traveling in style! The three days to Poshley Heights will be over before we know it, dearie!
So, uh... does room service get lumped into Don Pianta's ticket? I mean, we can afford it, but I'm not sure I really want to lose the money.
Goombella: Huh? There's something on the floor! Was that there when we arrived?
Koops: Hey... There's something on the floor, there. Weird... When did that get there?
Flurrie: Hm? Mario, dear, there's a bit of trash on the floor. How long was that there?
Dr. Agon: Huh? Hey! You see that? Something on the floor! When did that get there?
Bobbery: Hm, now? Well, I'll be bombed! What's that on the floor? And when did it get there?
Ms. Mowz: Mmmmm? There's something on the floor... Trash, perhaps? When did that get there?
Funnily, Vivian seems to be the only party member who doesn't seem to think that note wasn't there last time she looked. On one hand, she's used to gaslighting. On the other hand, this is going to be relevant information.
We can't even spend five seconds in the land of the rich without getting a death threat. Sounds about par for the course for a trans girl.
...OK, I love the weird interspersed nature of of Vivian panicking about Beldam's sinister plans and stifling her laughter at the idea this danger will take the form of "sticky, yummy doom". Even as a victim of abuse at these hands, even she can't take this entirely seriously.
Goombella: What a totally weird threat! You think Beldam has anything to do with it? Well, one way or the other, the note's appearance means the culprit's on the train! Ooh, I HATE threats! Let's get this nutjob before they try anything!
Koops: Ummm... That's an odd threat. You don't think that Beldam put it there, do you? Well, the fact that it appeared now means the culprit's on the train! We have to get this weird threatener before they do anything sticky or yummy!
Flurrie: A threat... a very odd one! You don't suppose Beldam is responsible, do you? Well, whoever the culprit is, they are most assuredly on this train! Let's get this villain before they try anything!
Dr. Agon: Whoa! What a freaky threat! You don't think this could be Beldam's work, do you? Whoever this psycho is, you gotta figure they're on this train, right? We gotta get this nut! Before anything bad goes down on this train!
Bobbery: Rather odd threat, eh? You don't think that Beldam crone's responsible, do you? Well, regardless of who it may be, the scoundrel is surely on this very train! Let's roust this swine before he or she has the chance to cause mischief!
Ms. Mowz: Mm... What a strange threat... Do you think that Beldam woman might be behind it? Well, at any rate, the fact that the note is here means the culprit is on the train. We must find this ne'er-do-well before he or she can hatch a plan!
And this is where the note's "sudden appearance" becomes relevant- if it was only put there after we got on the train, our culprit is also on the train somewhere.
Yup. Put on your deer-stalker caps and keep a good clasp on your pocket-watches, dear readers, for we have stumbled into a story straight out of Herringway.
But hey, free Shine Sprite.
...When was the last time the conductor changed the mints?
This is a passenger car. Orange and brown decor... That actually looks good! The passenger cabins here are numbered 3, 4, and 5, in case you forgot your numbers.
The Excess Express has six carriages total. In order to progress the plot, we must speak to the NPC at the most leftmost part of the train we have access to. I like to think of this moment, in terms of thinking about the train as a whole, as a good excuse to go to the very rightmost part of the train and visit every room in order.
If we're going to be in a mystery novel, it's good to know what characters we have to think about.
Incidentally, the theme on board is ...some rather awkward music over some low-quality speakers.
That's the engineer of the Excess Express. Talk about a dream job for kids! But just saying you drive a train doesn't make you cool. You gotta LOVE the job! I mean, we're talking about a train, here. That's some serious responsibility!
Starting at this end is the train's engineer, of course. I counted this as one of the six "carraiges", even if the engine is not necessarily a carriage. Still, it is an important room, and the engineer's namelessness does not preclude him from being important to the story.
He takes great pride in his work and is generally glad to have an amazing job.
It's infectious.
Star Panel here. This is a very fascinating Star Panel, for reasons I had never paid any mind to but which make absolute sense when you consider it. If, after the Chapter, you board the Express from Poshley Heights going to Rogueport, you will find the engine car on the left end of the train. It points the other direction, but is otherwise identical... except it doesn't have this Star Panel in it. This makes sense- it would mean the same Star Piece is in two maps- but I can see it being frustrating. I can see the situation that both maps have different Star Pieces both counting to the 100 number being even more so, though.
This is the engineer's car of the Excess Express. Any kid would LOVE to see this! Look at me, Mario! I'm an engineer! WOOP WOOOOOP! Hey, but driving a train is really nothing to joke about. I totally respect engineers!
Goombella getting in a proud tradition of any fictional character when allowed into the engine of a train: Blowing the whistle. It seems, no matter how obsolete the train whistle becomes, that joke is as timeless as it gets.
I never use this door to the point I forget it's supposed to be the exit to the train. We will have to walk to this door, though, so it's good to remember it's here.
This is a passenger car. The green and brown colors actually work here. Wow. There are two passenger cabins here, numbers 1 and 2.
The numbers 1-8 go from right to left in numerical order. This is true regardless of which direction the train is going.
In Cabin 001, we can meet:
Zip Toad, the coolest kid on the block.
I feel like I don't even know any movie stars to compare him to, which means I watch way too few movies, probably.
..."Little art flick" "multibillion dollar". I, uh... I think you don't understand either of these ideas.
We have three. Also an accomplished (theatre) actress in her own right.
I KNEW I knew him! That's Zip Toad, the movie star! Women go NUTS for him! Y'know, he's hot and all, but he seems pretty stuck up about being famous. I guess all celebrities are kinda like that. It's too bad, 'cause I kinda liked him...
Goombella already gone to broken pedestal over him. That was fast.
Most of the drawers don't contain anything interesting, but do tell you about the character in the room. What a vain prick.
Cabin 002 has:
Toodles! The rich folk from Glitzville are heading home on the rich train, and they'll be commenting on the story. And, as good participants in a mystery novel, actually having a role in the plot to either cast doubt on them or remove them as suspects.
...
Uh, Mario? Where did that come from?
Toodles takes it in good humour. Somehow. Bad Mario. No. Naughty.
That's Toodles the Toad. Gosh, that woman is so fashionable it makes me sick! She's obviously the kind of lady that belongs on this train. Classy all the way!
Of course, Toodles isn't far away from enough cosmetics to toxify a medium-sized lake. She puts a lot of effort into that upper-class look.
Over in the carriage we started in, let's look at Number 003:
Well, this is a huge change in pace from "multi-billionaire playboy actor" and "multi-billionaire socialite".
He seems to actually be as low-class as he appears. I wonder how he got those tickets. Careful saving or winning a contest?
That's Heff T., the gourmet Toad. You think he goes more for quality or quantity? Yeah, he's definitely here for the food, not for the ride. It takes all sorts!
It turns out he's right to do so: This train is famous for its food, too!
As one can spot inside his drawers.
Chef Shimi, the on-board chef of the Express, is a well-regarded chef in his own right, and he continues to serve as caterer on board this train personally.
Over in Room 004:
Nothing!
Well, OK, there's a Star Panel in here. But still. Suspicious.
005, of course, is ours.
This is the dining car. There also seems to be a cute little shop here. Dining and shopping while watching scenery go by... Talk about heavenly...
Between Cabins 5 and 6 is where the amenities are found.
Every single line the waitress says delivers, then there's a pause, and then she goes to the next line. I don't fully get how this would sound vocally.
And, of course, she's still in Zip Toad's "fawn and squee" demographic.
That's the waitress of the Excess Express. Kinda spacey. Think she's an OK waitress? Probably not... but guys always go for girls like this, don't they? Why is that, Mario?
So of course Goombella's going to be all smug about it. Is it bad when you can start calling when a misogynistic line is flying forward?
Chef Shimi is the Cheep Cheep chef in this tiny kitchen. So much for all that money being spent on this ridiculously luxurious kitchen.
Also, Sushie's daughter took the name "Sashimie", which is why he's named "Shimi". I am sure there are fish names that aren't based on sushi.
Ah, Shimi is a foreigner. That explains so much.
In addition to pronunciation, he's also still brushing up on his metaphors.
This is Chef Shimi, the cook aboard the Excess Express. He cooks for EVERYBODY! I can't figure this guy out. I have no idea if he's joking most of the time.
This place is our shop.
This is the only place to acquire Boo's Sheets, as well as the cheapest Maple Syrup. It's not really that worthwhile to go out of your way for post Chapter 6. Unless you really like Boo's Sheets.
The shop owner is very nifty, look at that snazzy bow tie. He does not count as a character as far as the mystery setup of the story is concerned, and if you are going to make any at-home deductions, you can pretend he doesn't exist. The waitress and the chef, however, do count.
This is a passenger car. The blue and brown interior here is totally chic. The passenger cabins here are numbered 6, 7, and 8. ...But you knew that.
Huh, I was expecting her to call one of the wallpaper colours gaudy. Anyway, Cabin 006 will be our other important cabin.
That's Pennington, a train passenger. He SAYS he's a detective, but I don't know... I mean, why do detective types ALWAYS show up when something goes wrong, huh?
It contains our detective character. Who is a Bumpty.
And a fan of detective novels.
Already I'm getting Shiver City flashbacks.
Anyway, onto other NPCs, here's Cabin 007:
An unnamed but highly well-connected businessman.
He's a Ratooey businessman. He's on the Excess Express for business, obviously. I bet he's putting everything on an expense account, huh? Is that a fringe benefit?
Probably not one of the suits in question, but a high-enough ranking pawn that the executives allow him to get away with this. Possibly.
That said, he hasn't taken anything with him.
Last but not least, Cabin 008:
That's Bub the Bob-omb. He's from a very rich family, so he's kind of spoiled. Still, kids are kids, no matter how big their trust fund is... Aren't they?
The Goldbobbingtons. Their characterisation in the Glitz Pit felt a little off, and that's because they'll be a little bit different here in the Excess Express. Well, except Goldbob. He has one mode: Rich.
That's Sylvia the Bob-omb. She's super-wealthy. She's got a real high-society air around her... Even her perfume smells like money.
Then again, maybe this is a product of it being Bub's birthday. Sylvia is probably the Bob-omb most impacted by these new circumstances.
That's Goldbob the Bob-omb. He's the head of a wealthy business, Goldbobbington's. He's got buckets of ducats, they say. I guess some folks are just good with money!
And Goldbob is the only one of the Glitz Pit celebrities to acknowledge our history. The bombs usually like calling us "Gonzales" still, but Toodles winds up switching to "Mario".
Star Piece in their drawer.
And nothing else.
That's the conductor of the Excess Express. He takes care of passengers' needs. Keeping this train running smoothly is not just the engineer's job, y'know.
As the very last character to meet, the conductor at the back of the train.
We need to report this threat to the train's management so they can do all due diligence necessary, but we're going to be winding up doing some heavy lifting.
They do wind up flagging at least one potential candidate on their own, though.
Talking to the conductor begins the first mystery: Something has happened at Chef Shimi's.
...Is a Ratooey using "Rats" as a pejorative punny or weird? I'm going with punny.
Wow, that's a bit dramatic.
You're on the ritziest train in the world and you want a taco? I mean, I guess you're rich enough that anything seems interesting, but still.
Yes. That is why it is a problem.
The waitress has her priorities in order.
Not that Chef Shimi is any less dramatic. Although of course, that's his masterbeast that got stolen.
The detective Pennington is usually accompanied by this tune. It is far too suave for Pennington's skills.
...I feel like saying he's more of a Hercule Poirot than a Sherlock Holmes, but I feel like that is an insult to Poirot, Agatha Christie, and the concept of detective work. Even Chief Wiggum is too high a compliment for him.
He is happy to lead us all along the path of the detective novel tropes, however. I mean, it's not like we're having luck using conventional techniques.
It's an item that has a random suite of effects when you use it in battle. The shop next door sells them for three coins a pop.
This scene is accompanied by all sorts of comedically timed sound cues whenever there's a big reaction shot like this one. I don't really need to go in further depth than that, but it's charming enough.
Even with the deer stalker, magnifying glass and hip pack, I really would not have guessed. I have yet to see you make a deduction based on any sort of evidence.
No. You do not have a nose. You are a Bumpty.
Mario (and even the waitress) blink frame at the perfect time.
I... don't think that is a clue at all. Like, not even a useless clue, it's not much of a clue.
Yeah, I think we can safely deduct Pennington from our list of helpful NPCs.
The waitress is not at all pleased to be accused. Both because she is the least gluttonous woman in the room, as a woman squarely in her "must be as skinny as possible" phase of her life, and surrounded by men of various shades of gluttony-as-luxury.
...
The worst part is we're too much of a silent hero to take over from him.
Yes, please. Pennington, go back to your room.
(The waitress is going to be mad at him for the rest of the conversation, but this doesn't become a big deal or anything. She just does what a normal human being would do and ignores him.)
It's a stolen galley pot. The fact it is beyond your intellect says plenty.
The Ratooey, finally, pipes up to make some coherent observations.
With that said, we still know absolutely nothing and seem to be in no hurry to change that fact.
Zip Toad has gotten bored and is ready to leave. I do not blame him.
An attitude which Pennington is also correct for scrutinising.
Even if he is wrong about the deduction. This is mostly because Zip Toad just doesn't happen to be the culprit.
The waitress's "Nooooooooooo" prints at a rate of two "o"s a second, she really draws that out. Her defence of Zip Toad is entirely in her vapid appreciation for the actor.
But her conclusion is still solid, and far more solid than anything Pennington has provided thus far.
Yes. Yes, you did deserve it. That thing in the waitress's hand kinda looks like a frying pan, I wonder if it'll hurt like one.
I love the fact the camera zooms out and you get to see the trail of soup on the carpet. That was always there, but I think you do need to talk to Pennington first to act on the clue. I can only imagine a version of this where Pennington makes this remark, Mario slowly turns to this ridiculously obvious trail, and then casts the camera an aside glance.
I'll hold him down, you give him a sound thrashing.
"What did I do to deserve this?"
I have never actually talked to Pennington a second time, and as such, I actually kinda thought decently of him as a rather good-natured idiot.
No, he turns it on us, too.
I joked about Shiver City flashbacks. If you only talk to Pennington once, like a normal person, the only common thread is the fact that Pennington is a character from a Herringway novel.
But no, this is outright just the plot of Shiver City with far lower stakes.
It was just barely funny the first time and it really isn't this time. At least nobody else is listening to this idiot this time. Shiver City was full of Penningtons.
Right, now to do some actual detective work.
The partner pipes us to assure you you're on the right track.
And to make you feel better about the whole thing, a reminder that our threat took the form of a sticky, yummy doom. This might legitimately be connected, as absurdly low stakes as it is.
Koops: It might even be the same person who sent that sticky, yummy threat! ...What makes me say that? Well, uh, nothing, I guess...
Flurrie: It might even be the same fiend who wrote that sticky, yummy threat! ...What makes me say that? Stew is a notoriously good prebattle meal!
Dr. Agon: And you know what? It might even be the nut who made the sticky, yummy threat! ...What makes me say that? If you steal, you probably do other bad stuff, right?
Vivian: It might even be the same person who wrote that mean note threatening us! ...What makes me say that? If they're with my sister, she gives no lunch breaks!
Bobbery: Why, it could even be the coward who wrote that note! The sticky, yummy one! ...What makes me say that? I've a sea lion's nose for scoundrels, old boy!
Ms. Mowz: It might even be the same person that wrote the sticky, yummy threat, dearie! ...What makes me say that? It takes a thief to find a thief, sweetie!
OK, some of these are amazing. Flurrie and Dr. Agon are gems, but damn, Vivian going right for the gut.
...
Do we need to get you some food, dear?
The soup trail stops outside the door to Cabin 003. And clearly turns the corner into it.
We seem to have caught Heff T. after a delicious meal. Man, I hate that feeling...
If we were expected to guess this from character knowledge, this would be well deserved. We have a soup trail, though, so either it is the obvious guess or a frameup.
Of course. Maybe the culprit finally put a lid on it outside your room.
...Whoops.
Right, let's take a look in this...
Yeah, I'm sure you need to set some flags to get this to spawn.
Damn. No lunch for us.
He tried his best. And he failed miserably.
Of course Pennington has gotten himself involved.
(Shallots are green onions. Don't seem to be too out there, but you know, not exactly something a kid might spot.)
It may have been obvious, but in the same way, this is also a simple crime. He just got hungry and really wanted seconds. He's not part of the sticky, yummy conspiracy.
...Are we actually doing anything to punish him? I've seen no such indication.
We are going to get no closure on that "blaming you for the crime" thing. That's optional dialogue, and also Pennington doesn't have a criminal memory that far back.
We are going to pretend you did anything of the sort.
I expected the slightest professional standards from the staff of the Excess Express. I was mistaken.
Pennington would like to have this extended conversation over in Room 6. No need to continue it in front of Heff T.
This is something we can do. In fact, Shimi will never get the pot back until we do.
Heff T. apologises for his deeds, before going right to asking for dinner.
Toodles has moved on from gushing about our muscles to gushing about our brain.
Is there some sort of hoopla going on outside? Hm? The stewpot, you say? Ooh, stew? No, no, far too rich for me, my dear. I'm on a low-carb diet...
You can accuse her of stealing the stew, although of course, she is perhaps less likely to steal some extra food than the waitress. She has to fit into corsets, after all.
Zip Toad is happy to commiserate with us about Pennington's trigger-happy pointer flipper.
The waitress is also happy to start fangirling over us, too.
I also found the beef.
I've heard of "a chef respecting his tools", but that's a new level of appreciation.
Returning the Galley Pot gets us a Star Piece, and we can of course not return it to end the game with it in our inventory. If that amuses you.
In addition to the overall lack of any real interest in punishing Heff T., Shimi has also taken a bit of a shining to such a devoted gourmand.
A chef can always appreciate a man that enjoys his creations.
Your boss is going to hate you.
Anyway, to Pennington.
We caught one criminal, but not our man.
(Crosses "Heff T." off list of suspects.)
Nobody has much of those.
Translation: He is going to claim credit for us actually successfully solving problems. People may not necessarily believe him, but he's going to try.
Mario is rather shocked to be informed of such.
Some circles, presumably, being exclusively himself. Anyone who actually thought he was any good might've come up with a better name. Besides, brain size is no correlation of brain power.
And, of course, he shuts down any questioning on the subject.
(Writes down "Pennington" on list of suspects.)
...OK, I'd give him guff about it, because this would never work on 99% of people, but Mario is sufficiently famous that he actually has a shot in the dark of succeeding.
And he doesn't even manage that.
You may recall Charlieton sold us a "W Emblem" Badge. You may assume that, somewhere in the game world, there is an "L Emblem" Badge. You would be correct, but it is outright impossible to acquire that Badge before the Excess Express, so Pennington is doomed to look foolish for this guess.
Mario reacts in shock and vehement denial. I want to say this is because Luigi doesn't want to be riding Mario's coattails and Mario respects that enough to stand up for him, but from this game, being called Luigi may be intended as an insult to Mario.
Aside from being an example of Pennington's complete incompetence as a detective, they also use this confusion to make one joke at Luigi's expense much later. This joke, somehow, is sufficiently funny that I can forgive this confusion for existing.
Someone tell Luigi he's got a fan! A... very confused fan, but a fan nonetheless.
...Nothing in the letter implied it was an explosion. I'm going to assume this was on the translation, perhaps, because it will later turn out that an explosion is involved, but here in English, this is a train of thought that takes several logical leaps more than necessary to show Pennington is an idiot.
The word "rudimentary" gets special text printing emphasis. Pennington is using some Sherlock Holmes in his characterisation, the most significant of which is his use of the word "rudimentary" to substitute for Holmes' favourite "elementary". Unlike Holmes, who is explaining his complex train of thought to a bystander in more simple terms, Pennington genuinely needs rudimentary facts.
I'd joke this is a Sherlock Holmes story where Pennington is the Watson, but that is an insult to Watson. He does, however, do some of the things that Watson does as a narrative tool. If in his own way.
Goldbob? Sure, he's burning with something.
Leaving Pennington's room changes the setting. Do not adjust your screens, you are not to be alarmed. It has just transitioned to dusk. The Excess Express has three settings, Day, Dusk and Night, and that time will pass by somewhat during the plot. We won't actually be using all nine of those time periods, though, just six of them.
The Express music improves rather dramatically at dusk, turning into a surprisingly relaxing track. It doesn't even sound like it's coming from in-universe speakers!
When we check in on the Goldbobbingtons, we can find Goldbob and Sylvia embroiled in a massive argument.
Goldbob: ...Are you even listening? That's what I'm saying! He's our little Bub! His present obviously needs to be much more expensive and utterly gaudy! I mean, don't you think so? Because that way, clearly he'll remember it longer! And that's why you need to think long and hard... about what I'm saying!
Sylvia: No, no, no, no, no, NO, dear! We must think more about little Bub's future! Do you hear me talking? He needs something useful, dear! Not a toy! And that is why you must just use your brain and think just a little bit harder on exactly what I am saying to you!
This is what they are saying in the small dialogue boxes, incidentally.
Fortunately, we can get the gist by talking to them, too. That is a mouthful of an educational book title.
Goldbob, meanwhile, has forgotten this "gaudy" nonsense and gone right to things that Goldbob would like to show off how fabulously wealthy he is. At which point the writers kinda forget they're trying to show off a rich man's detachment from reality, and say things that are relatively unimpressive and entirely functional for Bub, even if far beyond his age bracket. Four years later, and these things would become as decadent as Goldbob is implied to be.
Sylvia actually paying the concept of advancing Bub beyond being a trust-fund baby proper mind.
And meanwhile, Bub is not in the market for either of them as a birthday gift.
Well, no, but I can do a good impersonation if that's what'll give my a Crystal Star. Same as when I was Champion.
This is very obviously not related to the sticky, yummy threat, but if it'll get Goldbob and Sylvia to calm down, it'll come in handy.
...It occurs to me I'm not sure this is optional. Like, we do have to participate in this, but I also think we have to succeed.
He needs all the help he can get.
Nope. Sylvia's not budging. I think Bub will be getting that at some point.
I think we do need the hints in order to trigger the flags.
Bub wants the autograph of somebody here in the Express. That's all we'll be learning from Bub, though.
There is a third clue, and I don't think you need this one, although it will tell you where you need to look.
It turns out Bub's into trains.
As we head towards our destination, the waitress actually has something new to stay after solving the case of the missing stew pot.
She also has something she could use a detective with.
(If you deny her, she has the amazing line of "You are not cool.")
She calls him an ex-boyfriend, but the way she talks about the relationship speaks to one that ended amicably, and possibly one where the two remain friends.
These earrings have gotten themselves somewhere on board this train, although you won't find them right now, don't bother looking. The fact we can ask her now is actually early.
On the subject of women who have a question for our intellect...
Toodles has also gone and lost something valuable to her.
Admittedly, this sounds like something she doesn't miss, but she has lost it and she would like us to find out why. Clearly, someone here's looking at jewelry.
Zip Toad is actually a solution you can have to the mystery of whose autograph Bub wants.
Zip Toad denies the request, however.
Your partner will tell you this was up the wrong track the whole time, and suggests something a bit more logical- even if we have no clues from Bub himself about it.
...Wow, our partners believe the Bob-ombs might be responsible? Apparently we were supposed to suspect them. How rude.
Goombella: Hey... You don't think Bub might want something from someone he admires, do you? Well, we'd better find whatever it is soon, or we'll meet a yummy, sticky end!
Koops: Say... You don't suppose that Bub wants something from a person he admires? Whatever it is, we have to find it quickly or we'll end up yummy and sticky!
Flurrie: Mario, darling... Don't you think perhaps the young child wants something from someone he admires? Whatever it is he craves, we must find it before the train goes yummy and sticky!
Dr. Agon: Hey, Gonzales! You think that Bub kid might want something from a guy he admires, maybe? Whatever he wants, we gotta find it soon or else BOOM! Yummy and sticky!
Bobbery: I say, old boy... Might this Bub tyke merely want something from someone he admires? Whatever he craves, we'd best find it soon, old boy! The train is in danger!
Ms. Mowz: Hmmmm... Perhaps that young Bub child just wants something from someone he admires... Whatever it is, we must find it soon! A yummy, sticky danger is out there!
Ms. Mowz seems to be the only partner who isn't really implying the Goldbobbingtons are the source of that peril.
To solve the mystery of whose autograph Bub wants for his birthday, you have to realise that the train's engineer is a character in the story, too, and he has a role to play. This is that role.
There's just something charming about him scrawling out that signature.
He may be the driver of the biggest train around, but he is an invisible character even in-universe: No one rich enough to ride this train pays any mind to the people who make it possible. The engineer is amazed, not just at the recognition from Bub, but the idea that Bub might idolise him to the point of wanting to become him one day. It truly is amazing, to meet a child whose life's ambition is to become you.
And, because this particular failure is worth showing, let us ask what Pennington thinks the answer is.
Product placement. Well, you can't deny Nintendo's guts. The only way this could be funnier is if Pennington suggested a console that turned out to be a failure for Nintendo, such as the Virtual Boy. I don't think anything Nintendo was making at the time fits, though- except maybe the Gamecube itself.
I did.
And I got it without paying a dime.
Bub's impressed with the skill.
And in exchange, we get the only Shine Sprite in the game not found in a box. I also don't think you can not get this.
It'll last a lifetime in his house.
Someone who investigates problems and solves them. Don't ask Pennington, he thinks he counts.
(By the way, yes, he claims to have known it was an autograph all along if you ask.)
On leaving the Goldbobbingtons, crossing them off the list, we get taken to night time. To progress the story, we must talk to the conductor- Pennington will point you in this direction, but I feel like you'd probably talk to him first?
The night time theme is back to in-universe speakers.
The conductor has spotted a genuine discrepancy in the course of his duties.
Somewhere on the train is something that doesn't add up. And considering we have an active terrorist message to investigate, any clue is an important clue.
And that too.
Let's find ourselves a stowaway.
This guy is doing work! Well, he seems like his affairs are in order, that'll be just fine.
Please stop embarassing yourself.
This is... a bold assumption, but it is, at least a valid one.
Although it would be nice if he didn't pretend it was of use to finding further clues.
I like how desperate he is to know additional information... but he just doesn't.
Our mystery guest will be in Cabin 004.
Although right now, it looks empty.
That's Ghost T. He's pretty lighthearted for a ghost... But still... A ghost is a ghost!
A literal undead. Not even a Boo, or an otherwise purely paranormal ghost. An actual, walking (or, well, floating) dead Toad.
I guess we've seen death in all shapes on this adventure.
The greying-out of his text is just how he speaks. Unlike the static effect on Eldstar's dialogue in 64, this is a lot more readable in screenshot form.
This ghost is of the "unfinished business" variety. To a degree.
I thought Ghost T. died a long time ago, but the conductor doesn't suspect "that cabin that's always empty" to be the reason for his extra blanket. On later trips, Cabin 004 remains unoccupied- or rather, occupied only by Ghost T.- which leads me to assume that, if this has been a recurring issue, the conductor should at least be aware of it, if not having solved it.
Let's not even bother writing Ghost T.'s name on the list to cross off. We've got a pretty dwindling list of suspects, but we do only have one or two days left.
Of course, the ghost wants us to help with its unfinished business.
...Well, that escalated quickly. Although Mario seems pretty passe about it.
If you were in his wisp, you would totally do the same thing, wouldn't you?
...Yeah, he did die a long time ago. So why is the haunting only a problem now? Maybe it's a newer conductor.
...This train is a ripoff. It was probably a ripoff no matter how good the service was.
They say you can be so mortified by your diary that someone reading it would make you just die. Imagine being so mortified that not even death will keep you from trying to keep it under your hat.
If we can fetch it, he can keep it safe.
And, of course, he is quite insistent we not help ourselves to a peek.
Says the dead guy.
Fun dialogue with the Ratooey businessman:
A ghost on the train? Well, does this ghost have a ticket? Because I certainly do! I bought one fair and square... With my expense account...
Well... we know where it is.
The conductor freaks out. Hopefully the Goldbobbingtons and the businessman aren't too concerned.
This is highly irregular, but like hell we're letting a ghost's wishes go unanswered.
This is the freight car. Usually, passengers aren't allowed back here. Looks like there are lots of bags here, ready to be unloaded at the next stop.
This is legitimately an area we'll only get to visit twice in the game, both times in this chapter. After the chapter is over, we're never come back here.
So the fact there's a door we cannot reach yet tells us plenty about what we're going to find here.
The diary is found in the game between these two "Foods" crates. What is it with GCN games and labelling miscellaneous background elements "Food"? First Luigi's Mansion, then XD: Gales of Darkness, now this...
The Diary is a key item like any other, although the game tells us we shouldn't read it.
Not that we can't.
The game warns us three times that this might be a bad idea.
However, I'm told the fourth time is when death happens.
You mean to tell me the Day entry only has one symbol?
All seems normal here.
...Less normal.
Ghost T. is really mad we even peeked.
...Really mad. That seems disproportionate, although it's funny when it's not happening to you.
So, reloading state and pretending that didn't happen.
Now just to walk the diary to Ghost T. This is despite him being able to teleport over in the Game Over cutscene.
It's nothing special. Unless you're curious about the Mushroom Kingdom calendar.
One unread and ragged book for your undead hands, good man.
Now the conductor can sleep soundly as he stands in front of the door to the luggage car, although he is no longer needed to protect people from the deadly book inside.
I have 1-Ups.
With his unfinished business sorted, he is now free to move on to the next world over there.
Rest in peace.
When the light disappears and he falls back to the ground, the whistling noise that sounded on the way up is reversed. It's sort of like a record scratch, except not.
Although Ghost T. suspects it is unfinished business tying him to this world, that is not how ghosts have ever been portrayed in Mario, and I suspect that, despite him believing himself to fit that archetype, he isn't actually that kind of ghost. Although how he does pass on is another matter.
He doesn't seem in much of a rush to experiment. I mean, if I was haunting the decadence train, I think I might stick around too.
So how do you plan to deal with the ghost?
A whole day gone by and we're still not sure who this is.
...Woo.
With that last mystery solved, the first "Day" is over and it's time for us to retire for the night.
We'll figure out what's going on tomorrow.
If you talk to Pennington while the ghost story is active, he will accuse you of having "the vapors" and making the whole thing up. This is funny for multiple reasons.
He, too, is ready to hit the hay for the night.
Goldbob: Good gracious! I just noticed there are only two beds in here! Does that mean I'm to share a bed with the wife? .......................................Do they not know she explodes regularly in her sleep? I demand a refund!
Sylvia: My, there are only two beds! I suppose I'll share the bed with Bub. Dear Goldbob's night sweats are repugnant.
Bub: It's time for sleepies. Dad says ghosts come out if you stay up late.Heff T.: I think I need a midnight snack. Is that dining car still open?
Ghost T.: Me... sleep? No, I don't get tired. Ghosts are just like that, I guess.Zip Toad: I'm feeling totally wrung out, guy. It's hard being famous, lemme tell you!
Toodles: Ah, time for my beauty sleep. Staying up late causes wrinkles, you know...
Engineer: For the engineer, there is neither night nor day. There is only the long, lonely track stretching to the horizon.
Conductor: It's been hard keeping night watch lately. It was a piece of cake when I was young...
Waitress: The kitchen is closed!
Shimi: I am doing perp work for tomorrow's meals, which will be plates of glory! Ah, traitorous tongue! I am doing PREP work for tomorrow's meals!
Everyone else's lines for heading to bed. I'm rather surprised to find out Goldbob and Sylvia sleep in separate beds.
When it's time to go to bed for the night, the door to the item shop is locked, and there will be no further purchases. This is never an issue, thankfully.
Sounds good. This rest actually does fully heal us, too.
Next time: The Mystery of the Excess Express. You mean Agatha Christie invented a story archetype of train mystery fiction and there's not one good title to use other than the original?
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