After a round with a new enemy, time to back to something familiar.
...Well, that'll be fine. All my partners can handle Dull Bones by now.
Everyone just out to murder us.
Don't worry about having our bones removed, Flurrie doesn't have those.
Although that won't stop the stage.
Eventually, we've gotta fight some actual opponents.
..And get actual money.
Gnarly!
We are interrupted from that thrilling conversation by a scream of pain.
...It's amazing what you can do with just a camera pan and some textboxes.
Brutal is one thing. But in a place like this... I dunno, I feel like he might be one of the lucky ones.
King K: Hey, I meant to say it earlier, but your hammer rocks, dog. Think I need a weapon, too? ...Naw. King K's posse knows I'm all about tonin' the bod into the ultimate weapon! If I changed it up now, my peeps would just call me a sellout, know what I mean?
Besides, Shell Toss is better than a hammer.
The sheer terror of these guys... worst fight in the Minor League, right here.
I can do that.
Remember the Lakitu and Spiny issues from the Pit? Now imagine dealing with one with the wrong Condition!
That's a Lakitu. It's a member of the Koopa clan that rides on clouds. Max HP is 5, Attack is 2, and Defense is 0. It attacks by throwing Spiny Eggs. If you stomp on it when it's holding up a Spiny Egg, you'll take damage, so DON'T do it! Spiny Eggs slowly hatch into Spinies, so beat the Lakitu before fighting the Spinies. Aw, this book doesn't answer my real question: where does it keep all those Spiny Eggs?
That's a Spiny. Basically a spike-covered Koopa. Ugh! Looks painful! Max HP is 3, Attack is 3, and Defense is 3. These things have such high Defense that you can't even hurt them when they roll up. So, when they go back to normal, do all the damage you can, and do it quickly! If you flip them over, their Defense drops to 0. THAT'S the time to take them out. Jumping on them is just plain stupid, so try using a POW Block or some other item.
Lakitu and Spiny can make themselves pretty invincible for free multiple times.
Being allowed to Earth Tremor them without even needing to pick up their Tattles is catharsis for a dozen playthroughs where these guys were nightmares.
Well, we rock when we can just oneround them.
I don't think this necessarily spawns when King K. mentions it, but it's definitely there now.
Checking this out is mandatory.
With that said, it doesn't sound like we'll be having a Hot Dog.
Literally how bad do you have to be at Hot Dogs to lose a battle with eggs? They're not even supposed to be fertilised!
He does try to chase it around, but it does not go well for him.
All this for chasing some kind of mystery taste? Yeah, I think you might have got conned at some point in this transaction, although I'm not sure by who.
It is really annoying to catch this guy. I think it will usually land in the same spots repeatedly, and you only have to touch it once to get it to move on, but it is not obvious where those spots are.
Once you catch it, it climbs up onto the hot dog truck.
...It's your Hot Dog, mate. I'm not sure why you think I'm obligated to help out here.
I mean, I think I'm the only one who's getting that high, but still.
Gosh, what a colorful egg! Must be a good one, huh? I mean, look at it jump! But jeepers creepers, I sure wouldn't want to try to eat it... I mean, EWWWWWW! I don't eat moving things. Let's hurry up, grab it, and give it back to Mr. Hoggle.
Goombella's Tattle for it, now that it's stationary.
We've already solved the puzzle of how to get up here, as it happens.
Koops: ...Hm? Is it just me, or do you think that egg... What? You want our help, egg? Umm... Your call, Mario. What do you want to do?
Flurrie: Hmmm, now? You wish for us to help you, you darling little egg? Mario, hon, what do you think we ought to do?
...I think the Egg bounces first.
Koops: Yeah, we can't ignore it... Good call, Mario. Let's set this little guy free. Ummm... Provided that's OK with you, too, sir.
Flurrie: A positively endearing choice, Mario, not that I expected any less. We shall free him! You, sir! Mr. Proprietor! Would you allow us to free this poor soul?
Of course, we're not letting any little buddy already capable of locomotion to be used in hot dogs.
(Goombella says "Mr. Hot-Dog-Stand Guy", as if it is not her job to tell you his name is Mr. Hoggle.)
Hoggle understands there's no point trying to cook it, and gives that fight up.
Koops: Well, cool. Looks like you're free and clear, little guy. 'Bye!
Flurrie: Well, that's just loverly! You're free to do whatever you like, dear egg! Farewell!
I love the absolute cheerfulness with which the partners abandon the Egg to its own devices after convincing one hot dog stand owner to not cook it.
Although it looks like we've got a new friend.
...
Or, well, not. There is no reason for me to not do this now- and in fact, you get forced to take the egg with you if you get to this point. I'm just going to do it later for cosmetic reasons. And on that note, if you have never refused this Egg, you have no idea how judgemental the Partners can get.
Suggesting turning the Egg into a Hot Dog:
Goombella: Come on, Mario. That's just tasteless, seriously. Don't scare the little guy. Try not to be so childish, will you? There's no choice here. We'll let him go. Is that OK with you, too, Mr. Hot-Dog-Stand Guy?
Koops: Mario! You're supposed to be the adult, here! Scaring babies just plain isn't nice! The way I see it, there's no two ways about this thing. We let this little guy go. Ummm... Provided that's OK with you, too, sir.
Flurrie: Mario, you wash your mouth out right this instant! How DARE you frighten this egg! Well, I never... Little eggy, you just ignore the scary man, OK? We will let you go. You, sir! Mr. Proprietor! Would you allow us to free this poor soul?
Suggesting not letting the Egg join the party:
Goombella: Seriously, Mario, I wonder about you sometimes. We're taking him, and that's that. You hear that, little guy? Just make sure not to get in our way, though, OK?
Koops: Man! I had heard you were this nice guy, but... man. Wow. Anyway, we gotta take him. Just ignore Mario. You're in with us, little buddy! Stay out of the way, OK?
Flurrie: Mario, you awful, awful man. Why must you torment him? We simply MUST take him in! You're all clear, little one! But do try not to get underfoot, all right?
Some of these are on the player, but the writers are having a lot of fun having people judge Mario for doing antisocial JRPG behaviour. I mean, when else does it happen?
Goldbob: Well, I've done it. I am now an official sponsor of the Glitz Pit. Simply marvelous. But what I do with my scads of cash is of little import... Best of luck to you, sir!
Sylvia: This is the first time in my life I've witnessed combat sports firsthand... How repugnant! Boorish ogres grappling about, caterwauling! I find it utterly barbarous!
Bub: Aww... so LAME! This STINKS! I really, REALLY wanted to eat that super-whatever dog! Where else can I get one? Daddy! Get me one!
Doogan: I hear you're pretty good, guy. Maybe you have a knack for beating people senseless.
And another few comedy lines scattered across the NPCs.
It's Bandy Andy's team!
...I can work with that.
So let's see how this guy fights when he's actually in the ring.
That's a Bandit. This scumbag tries to bump you and grab coins. Jerk! Max HP is 5, Attack is 2, and Defense is 0. If you time your guard well when he attacks, he won't be able to steal anything. Plus, the look on a Bandit's face when you guard successfully is priceless. If a Bandit steals coins from you, defeat him before he flees to get your coins back.
That's a Big Bandit. Basically, a boss among ordinary Bandits. Max HP is 8, Attack is 3, and Defense is 0. Unlike other Bandits, he'll steal your items as well as your coins. Totally weak! If you guard well when he charges at you, he'll blow by without stealing anything. If he robs you, you won't get your item back unless you beat him right then. He'll run!
Bandit and Big Bandit have some issues in the Glitz Pit, just as they do in the Pit of 100 Trials. I'm not sure if you get your items back at all if Bandy Andy steals them. If they run away, I think you still get credited the win.
Big Bandit is only found here in the Glitz Pit- it never appears in the Pit of 100 Trials on any floor.
Part of the reason I got Zap Tap is because it means Andy can't steal anything.
Because clearly I can't block them.
Part of the problem of Mario having taking all the hits means, well... I've gotta take it all in his 15 health. Every partner has better bulk than that.
Thank goodness Goombella takes out so much of their HP.
Aw, Andy looks so sad...
...Literally how are Bandits worth that few coins?
I know. I don't think I've ever seen her not be there.
...That's not how that works, you know?
King K: The way things are going... I just don't feel like I got it anymore, know what I mean?
King K: I tell you, man, with all the young talent like you comin' up in the ranks... I just keep feelin' older and older, know what I mean? King K ain't gettin' younger!
With that said, he's not exactly going so great himself.
???: Prince Mush... The first Glitz Pit champion... The fighter long since lost... He shone truly and brightly. Many fans still hope that he may dramatically return... Of course, I'm one of them... I long to see the poetry of his pure fighting style...
If you go to check her, she's currently commiserating about the loss of Prince Mush, as it happens. I... don't think flirting with her is on the table.
The Mind Bogglers are another of the teams we've seen everyone involved in already.
And apparently even Grubba thinks we shouldn't be taking too long to go deal with them.
If the door opens while you're in its path, you'll get sent flying. The Egg will hop onto the couch in the middle if it's in your party, and it won't follow you to fights. We are responsible parents.
The Mind Bogglers are a team of miscellaneous Boggly Woods enemies, two of whom should not even be moving around the field. The Piranha Plant is the one who talks.
I hope we can handle this.
Did you have to ask?
...Yeah. We'll miss you, but you may want to get out while the getting's good.
Good luck. And don't get killed on the way out.
King K: I'm bummed that we won't hang no more, but hey, that's life, you know, G-dog?
King K retiring definitely feels like an extension on how poor he is in combat- this is somebody who maybe should've been filtered out sooner than this. He tried his best to surpass those odds, but in the Glitz Pit... is that worth it?
Master Crash: Even if you're not feeling your best, you must put on a BOMB-BOMB good show! It's hard when you're not into it, but that is what being a BOMB pro is about!
Master Crash has surprisingly relevant advice.
Next fight, and I am really feeling annoyed for all this accidental mashing.
The next fight is against the Punk Rocks, and without question you want Quake Hammer. Just... don't fight them without. Unless you get "no Hammer".
The Punk Rocks are Cleftor's team.
That's a Hyper Bald Cleft. Like Clefts and Bald Clefts, this is also a rock monster. Max HP is 3, Attack is 2, and Defense is 2. This hyper version can build up its energy, boosting its Attack to 8 on the next turn. It has low HP, but its body is rock-hard and impervious to fire, making it super-tough. It says here that item attacks are pretty effective. Beat it before it goes hyper!
Hyper Bald Cleft is our introduction to Hyper enemies. Most of them live in Chapter 4, and with these ones as an exception: They live only here. At this point, we have a few ways to bypass 2 Def compared to the ones from Chapter 1, although if they get themselves ready to hit us for 8 damage... Yeah, let's not.
Start with an Appeal, because I need the Tattle...
OK, now that we've met our first Charging enemy, let's talk about a buff they've been given compared to 64. They don't charge all in the same turn anymore! In one respect, this is a blessing- we'll meet Hyper enemies before we get the enemy that lets us avoid all damage for a single turn that is designed to punish them. On the other hand, once we do get that party member, you can and often will find yourself punished by hiding on the wrong turn and getting hit by a different charged attack next turn. Superguarding can help, but...
Just Quake Hammer. You flip them over and make sure they don't attack anyway.
King K is true to his word. Off he goes, to greener pastures.
Master Crash: Developing a reliable style is good, but don't forget to try new things BOMB! That's the way you make new discoveries and really grow as a BOMB fighter.
Once again, Master Crash masters the art of reading the room. This is also some pretty good advice considering the fact I got Jumpman before I got to the point where Jumping trivialises the whole game.
Cleftor: Grack! Cleftor can't think of criticism for Mustache.
Cleftor's gotten pretty respectful by now. This is also probably his longest line so far.
Master Crash is, fittingly, our final opponent before we ready ourselves for the Major League matchup. While the Punk Rocks, Mind Bogglers and Hand-it-Overs usually wind up all over the place, I don't see the Bob-omb Squad dropping often. It'll probably be the Punk Rocks if they do.
I can do that.
I missed Grubba's line. The Bob-omb Squad are also known as the Big Bomb Boomers.
That's a Bob-omb. It attacks by blowing itself up. Yeah. Reeeeeeeal smart. Max HP is 4, Attack is 2, and Defense is 1. A Bob-omb will get totally mad if you damage it. They have like, super-short fuses. When it gets mad, it'll charge and explode on its next turn. THAT attack… really hurts. Oh, and if it's mad, it'll blow up at the slightest contact. So don't attack directly! Attack it from a step away with a hammer or hit it with something hard, like a shell.
Bob-omb, having been buffed from 3/0 to 4/1 bulk, are only slightly scarier. There are four of them in this match, and this can get scary if you get something like "only one of you attack". Fortunately, damage doesn't matter if you can just blow them up.
And don't worry, Goombella, Bob-ombs don't die when they blow up. Somehow. Maybe Bombette just has dozens of identical sisters.
Quake Hammer and Power Shell one-round even if you have as much P-Down as you can find.
Seems like a good time for some extra HP. Thanks, Master Crash.
...
...
Thanks taken back.
On a B-List Stage, more stage effects have been introduced. We can get sprayed by the fog machines and get frozen for a few turns. Alternatively, the fog machines will actually function. When the fog comes up, we get blanketed by everyone on the field getting the Dodgy status- which, of course, means the enemy gets perfect accuracy and you get zilch. We're just going to have to deal with this for the rest of the game. And finally, sometimes mystery water will fall from the ceiling and clear all debuffs from whoever it hits- buffs are ignored.
It always happens in the Glitz Pit, somehow, and just in case Grubba's conditions weren't annoying enough, the fog is just...
...
...Fuck the fog.
Please give me more for that.
Aww... Crash misses the King.
Cleftor tries to deny it. Doesn't work on Crash, but it worked a little more for me.
Jolene comes in to introduce King K's replacement to the Glitz Pit.
She goes through the whole tutorial for Sir Swoop's benefit.
And apparently Sir Swoop has the same approach to tutorials as any other.
It's amazing how fake this sounds when you hear it the second time around.
While we do not have any evidence that the opponents we fight have to conform to Grubba's conditions, we have evidence that Grubba does set them. To be fair, there's nothing that obeying the condition would do for them mechanically, why not play to win?
You're mashing through this, but this is a good time to get a refresher that we don't rank down if we lose on the way up.
...I'll assume so. I've never seen a Swooper do this.
Sir Swoop quickly introduces himself before he leaves.
If we were to rank ourselves down by disobeying conditions and throwing matches, we would actually be able to fight Sir Swoop and his team, the Sleepy Stealth Scythes "Wings of Night". Swoopers will appear as regular enemies in Chapter 4, so I'll wait to go over them then, but it's neat they actually went to the effort of putting him in there.
Anyway, our next fight will be our match against the barrier to the Major League, the Armoured Harriers. You must have the Egg in your party before you start this match.
Koops: That's great, Mario. You're in with us, little buddy! Stay out of the way, OK?
Flurrie: You're all clear, little one! But do try not to get underfoot, all right?
He'll be all right, won't he?
I didn't read this until after getting into the Major League. It's RDM 2, thankfully.
_________________
RDM Issue 2
_________________
ROGUEPORT TODAY
Old Toad Settles Inn!
It's come to light that after settling into life at our inn, Toadsworth (age 60) has often been spotted in the company of Zess T. (age 55). The notoriously finicky Zess T. surprised all when she was heard saying, "What's wrong with spending time with my little Toadle-toes?" The possibilities such a comment opens has our eyes and ears glued to the situation!
SHOP REPORTER GO!
Our focus of attention this week? Pungent's Great Tree Shop!
Pungent's easygoing management philosophy is: "Money and girls are fickle, so easy come, easy go, y'know?" He fully understands why his shop isn't busier, too: "We're well hidden, but like any good treasure, we're worth lookin' for!" He even has a special offer for RDM readers: "For the next 15 minutes, I'll give you double shop points!"
COOKING FOR ROOKIES
Today's Yummy Recipe: Spicy Soup!
Steep a Fire Flower in hot water and... Presto! You're done! The perfect first meal for kids to cook!
EDITOR'S NOTE
We've been working all night to bring you this edition of RDM. Look forward to more hot, hot news in Issue 3, coming soon!
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Published by Rogueport
Restoration Committee
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Toadsworth, you silver fox! Also, boiling a Fire Flower does not sound like a great recipe for the kids.
Pungent's offer for double Star Points is totally valid. You'll always get RDM 2 after the Yoshi Egg, and this is kinda really a bad time to go pick up his stuff. There's HP Drains and Ice Storms in there, plus cheap Mushrooms, so it's not a bad idea. But no. Besides, I didn't notice for a while.
Hell naw, the cats are more useful than old Poochy.
Anyway, with the Egg in hand, we are ready to challenge the Armoured Harriers, the big obstacle to Major League.
There's actual buildup to this one.
Eh, I'm sure I won't need 'em.
Don't get too comfy, little guy.
Matching the extra buildup to the match, Grubba promotes the hell out of this one.
We get our walkups and everything.
Once again, we can say anything and Grubba will stick to his script.
The Iron Adonis Twins have these huge footfalls, and almost shake the screen as they jump up onto the stage. The spikes are the things that look illegal?
Grubba walks up to the Iron Adonis twins and starts inventing insults we said. Look, Grubba, if you're going to rile them up, at least invent clever insults.
"And, and then he called you a big stupid doodoo head!"
...Look, I think it might've been cleverer if he genuinely said that. Seriously, Grubba, do you not know how to insult?
Apparently not.
More importantly, Clefts give live birth? I thought they were just rocks brought to life?
...I don't think I want to imagine how this happens.
See, now they have an insult game to write home about!
Understood.
...Stinkwad.
The green one is... kinda calmer than the red?
He's the one that gloats about their unstoppable offence and their impenetrable defence. Yeah, that'll happen.
...Gotta say, Green has an even better insult game than Red. I almost want him to keep talking.
This is considered a mini-boss, and it definitely qualifies as such.
The fog blasts aren't actually because the fight is special. They do this a lot, and it's usually a herald they're going to do something in the battle eventually.
Nothing between us and the Major League but some dumb Clefts.
You haven't seen what Mario can do.
All right, Goombella, tell me what they got.
That's an Iron Cleft. That guy is SCARY. Period! Max HP is 6, Attack is 4, and Defense is… UNKNOWN?!? What's WITH this book? It says no attack will work against Iron Clefts! It says nothing in the world is as hard as an Iron Cleft, so its Defense is impenetrable. If that's true, the only way to beat one is to whack it with the other one… Running away may not be a bad idea at this point.
The Iron Adonis Twins are the only Iron Clefts in the game, and that is an interesting number in the book. But hey, infinity Defence can be circumvented.
...Right?
...No, huh?
Demonstration of the waterfall.
Immune to Zap Tap, too, aren't we? Also, the "piercing attack" thing is true, too- their four Atk pierces any Defence you have.
Goombella was right, running away is sounding like a better and better idea.
That is demoralising.
We get a pity salary for showing up, and since we lost to someone higher ranked than us, we get to keep our rank. And since, even though we lost, we still obeyed Grubba's condition, our next match will be against our higher-ranked opponent: The Armoured Harriers. Not that we, you know, have a better plan.
If you challenge the Armoured Harriers and lose while the Egg is in your party, it disappears.
And in its place, a baby Yoshi appears.
Traditionally, Yoshis hatch from Eggs that have spots identical in colour to them. This Yoshi's Egg has multiple colours, and that's because Yoshi can hatch into one of seven hues, pictured above. The Yoshi you get depends on how much real time has passed since the Egg joined your party:
- 0-6 minutes: Green
- 6-9 minutes: Red
- 9-12 minutes: Blue
- 12-15 minutes: Orange
- 15-18 minutes: Pink
- 18-19 minutes: Black
- 19-20 minutes: White
- 20+ minutes: The cycle repeats.
Strangely, no Yellow one, despite the Egg having a yellow spot. Whatever. If I could freely choose which Yoshi I wanted, I would've gone with Blue, since Super Mario World nostalgia, but I feel like the clock on my copy of the game doesn't count the same rate as stopwatches I try to use. I intentionally left the Egg to the last minute so I could get myself a green one- that's the colour this version of Yoshi appears in stuff like Smash, felt appropriate.
The Yoshi has accimilated into the Glitz Pit surprisingly quickly. Even casually, that's like, five fights he's sitting out of listening to King K. and Master Crash?
...Ah, who am I kidding, that's enough time.
Koops: Ummm...WHAT?!? You hatched out of that egg? That's nuts... So you're a Yoshi, huh?
Flurrie: Why, you little rapscallion! You hatched from that egg? Well, aren't you precious! ♥
Goombella's still in her babyvoice, but Flurrie's found herself a son.
Yoshis show a surprising amount of awareness while inside their Eggs. Not only is Hoggle probably scammed getting a Yoshi Egg, I suspect he found himself in a black market deal somewhere along the way. This is all sorts of super immoral and hopefully illegal.
Yes, we are enlisting a newborn to fight. I'd say we're horrible parental figures, but it's probably better than leaving him to get into fights on his own.
Look at him, he doesn't even have his own name. Hatch it, name it, throw it into battle. I guess Mario's paying penance for all the Yoshis he's abandoned for some extra height.
The Yoshi doesn't seem too fussed about it, so he decides we can cover it. We get eight characters and the same options available in the file naming screen. The default name is "Yoshi" (if you just press "Done" now), while SPM and Smash Bros. call him "Yoshi Kid" and "Mini-Yoshi". As of right now, the latter is considered his official name, although neither fits in eight letters.
...So what can we call him instead...
Call him the Doctor. Dr. Agon is a fairly lovable character from Dragon Quest V with a delightfully punny name, and it's always a thing trying to find a sufficiently funny dragon name. I know one time I had a black one, I called him Haxorus after the shiny Pokemon.
He'll be OK with pixel vomit.
Dr. Agon joins the party. All the various system text will call him Dr. Agon, although oddly, the tutorial text will not.
What do you do with Yoshis? You Ride them. Of all the traditional friendly Mario species, Yoshi is by far the most popular and the one that comes to mind first, and the image of Mario riding on the back of a full-size Yoshi is as iconic as him saving the princess on foot, and 64 was somewhat surprising in not having a Yoshi partner to ride around on. TTYD, with the removal of the Spin Dash, decided that urgently needed to be recitified. Although this can not be good for poor Dr. Agon's back.
In addition to allowing Mario to move around the overworld much faster, Ride allows Mario to cross small gaps, copying Parakarry's ability, although doing so at speed.
Ground Pound is the game's equivalent to Bow's Smack attack, dealing four consecutive blows of 1 damage, while Gulp, at a 4 FP cost, will take the nearest enemy and spit them out at the guy behind them, dealing four damage when the two make contact. Despite the idea, this does work with one enemy on the field. Dr. Agon is a surprisingly key Partner for the exactly opposite fight setups, although the way Ground Pound interacts with Atk bonuses, Goombella is usually more consistent (spoilers, giving him an Atk buff doesn't make all four bounces do 2 damage, he's not that OP).
Dr. Agon's an overall radical little tyke and he may wind up competing with Goombella for being out at times. Mostly because of the field ability.
Unfortunately, he's only got 10 HP, but what can you do? He's a baby!
Sir Swoop: Those Hot Dogs outside are amazing! If you have trouble winning, DEFINITELY try one!
Sir Swoop seems to be characterised as being very excited to learn from the best, and has a few lines of him being a bit obsessive hoping to learn our tricks, but because of his arrival time, he usually just winds up getting to give this gameplay tip and coming off really poorly considering where Dr. Agon came from.
That's Sir Swoop. He just got on board here. Hey, now HE'S the newbie! You definitely notice how quick the turnaround is when new people come in...
Sir Swoop's Tattle.
Well, that changed things significantly. It's also not a special match this time around.
One kinda weird thing about Power Plus P and Gulp is that, while it increases the damage dealt to the enemy Dr. Agon eats, it doesn't increase the damage dealt to the enemy it hits. I don't think this is a problem for the Armoured Harriers, but it might cause issues. Let's just not...
Exactly the same as a normal match.
But this time, we have an ace.
They don't know...
Still keeps the mini-boss theme, at least.
Funnily enough, you get dialogue if you brought someone other than Dr. Agon. But trust me, you didn't seriously think our solution was going to be anything but, right?
Just in case, Green points out the presence of Dr. Agon and not-so-subtly goes "yeah, player, if you wanna beat us, you need his help."
For some reason, I never noticed the obvious thing I could do with my Special Move, so I spent my first one hoping for a Clock Out. I think Iron Clefts are immune to all status.
Right. Who's hungry?
What happens when an unstoppable attack meets an impenetrable defence? The attack wins!
Well, of course it's not fair. I gather that you think using your iron bodies and pointy nastiness against other people is fair.
"You know, maybe we didn't need defence-piercing spikes after all..."
Did anyone else notice I didn't have enough FP to use a second Gulp before I did? I wish I did.
...It would also help if I hit my Gulps.
Don't you laugh at me...
Hey, free Appeal, I guess.
We're done here.
Dr. Agon jumps for joy when he wins fights.
...Ooh, that Poison Shroom roulette...
Sorry about the stench. Some careless idiot left an egg in there and it hatched, it'll smell like yolk for weeks.
Ladies and gents, meet Dr. Agon.
Mario actually leans in to the celebrations this time. Guess he's feeling more positive now he's got a new friend out of it.
...The salary hasn't increased, though.
We get an extended cutscene here, and the Partner will actually speak up often. However, there is no opportunity to switch out for anyone other than Dr. Agon, so he'll be the one we see. Goombella, Koops and Flurrie do have dialogue set to play, though.
Grubba is reading a piece of paper while he waits.
And when Jolene arrives, jumps a foot and throws it into his drawer.
...I don't want to know what you were reading, but when you ask to see someone, don't break out your secret stuff.
Grubba tries to condescend Jolene and comes off ridiculously badly because he immediately acts even more stupidly. If you ever get the impression this ship is running more because of Jolene than Grubba, you have a point.
His body may be unnaturally young, but his brain is less so.
Well, I just expanded it so 100 people can fit in my Audience instead of 50, so...
...Look, when I asked for a raise, I expected a raise and not a bonus.
(You won't see me not pocket this one, though.)
...
I have forgiven a lot of crap since I signed up. But dissing the overalls? Grubba, the next time I can, you are getting a hammering so thorough, your body'll overshoot 60 and go right to 90!
Besides, Luigi always looked better in Peach's dress.
We're not actually taking a break, just being introduced to the Major League.
We've switched to the clean locker room and have a new set of faces to talk to.
The Major League in general represents a huge tonal shift in the story of the Glitz Pit. We've been all fun-and-games in the Minor League, enjoying having King K around and listening to ghost stories with Bandy Andy. Sure, the Glitz Pit has a problem with chewing up fighters and spitting them back out, but overall, nothing has been happening, in or out of the fights. That's about to change, on both counts.
We get a panning shot before Dr. Agon turns his nose up at the attitudes of the Major Leaguers.
Goombella: Uh, yeah... What, no hellos? These guys are totally freezing us out, Mario.
Koops: Ummm... Judging by the dead silence, I'd say these guys don't like us much.
Flurrie: Oh, dear... These fellows don't seem quite as friendly as the minor-leaguers...
They don't approach us, although these guys are no less charming than the Minor Leaguers. Just... in their own ways. Hamma Jamma is my favourite.
Rawk Hawk strides confidently into the room. We will later learn he does not actually have the permission to enter this room- you cannot enter any locker room other than your own, including lower ranked ones.
He's here because he's a big chicken and he's scared of a little competition.
Some guy who took two tries to make it into the Major League. What? Scared your oh-so-perfect record's gonna take a hit?
He laughs it off. He has to, his ego won't let him do anything else.
And this scene is really weird in the context you get it. This scene is so weird if you do it with Dr. Agon, that the fact the game forces you to do it makes it come off weirder than it should for such a key moment in the story. Maybe they should've forced Goombella out, but hey, we did just get the Doc...
Our objective in joining the Glitz Pit is to get the Crystal Star on the Champ's Belt. Don't forget that. It's right there...
Rawk Hawk has no idea what's going on, and he resorts to violence. A pretty good decision, actually.
Mario has noticed the Crystal Star on the belt is fake. The weird thing is that we send Dr. Agon, who barely learned what a Crystal Star is this morning and may or may not have seen our real ones, and not, say, Goombella, who has an eye for Crystal Stars. Or maybe Flurrie, who has an eye for jewelry.
Rawk Hawk, because Dr. Agon was not very specific about what he was calling fake, thinks we're calling the belt a fake. And, because that shatters his tiny masculine pride, throws a small tantrum over it. A deserved one, but still.
Although Dr. Agon could probably have said something better.
Goombella: Sheesh, sorry, Mr. Birdie. I didn't mean to say your belt was fake. Take it easy.
Koops: Ummmm... Gee, sorry, man... I didn't mean to insult your fancy belt, there...
Flurrie: Oh, I do apologize, sir. I didn't mean to embarrass you in front of your belt.
Goombella and Koops feel like more diplomatic (but likely just as successful) responses to this, while Flurrie knows exactly what she's dealing with and delivers a perfect insult no one is ever going to see. Whoever it is that wrote that joke deserves better than this.
Oh, I'm so scared of the chicken man.
Rawk Hawk leaves the room, presumably yelling really loudly about how much we owned him and his fake belt.
Goombella: I think I tweaked him out a little bit.
Koops: Ooooops. I made him mad.
Flurrie: Oh dear, I do believe I made that chicken angry.
Koops seems to be the only one concerned about what just happened. Everyone else is just like "well, he's angry now. Shrug."
Mario: "...Should I be worried? I'm not worried."
Ultimately, he's not a big deal. We can handle him.
We are now halfway through an exploitative racket that is now not going to put us any closer to acquiring the thing we came here for. That's a big deal.
Chapter 3 has the most extensive use of plot emails in the game- an existent amount. All plot emails, regardless of who is sending them, will use this ringtone, which takes a break from Super Mario World to be the Super Mario Bros. 3 Ice Land theme. Despite originally being an overworld theme, it has found it's true calling as an "oddly sinister, super mysterious, and very important" herald jingle.
We receive an email from an unknown sender, written as if it all the letters were cut out of a newspaper despite being an email, and our sender? An individual known only as X.
Goombella: What? Who's this X guy? You think he really knows about the Crystal Star? Whoever he is, why would he want to give us information? I don't trust this guy...
Koops: Um... Who's this X character? He talks like he knows all about the Crystal Star... Why would someone want to help us with this, anyway? Seems kind of fishy...
Flurrie: My! Who is this X fellow? He speaks as if he's an expert on the Crystal Star... What would motivate him to help us in our quest, though? This seems suspicious...
Outside of battle, we are going to be regularly encountering emails from our mysterious friend X, with instructions that are apparently supposed to point us to the real Crystal Star. There is definitely some sort of shady business going on, although it is an open question exactly how and to what ends. I don't suppose the fact that their chosen letter is the same as that of the X-Nauts is much comfort.
This is when I finally check the RDM email.
That's Shellshock. He seems to be totally on top of his game. For some reason, though, I think he's just a big softie. Maybe I'm thinking too much...
When Goombella says "softie", she means "he's not as tough as he makes himself sound". Like Rawk Hawk, except without the toughness to actually be cool when he tries.
That's Hamma Jamma. He must be one of the strongest major-leaguers. He's got a hammer, like you do. I think that hammer is REALLY important to him.
Hamma Jamma is pretty cool overall. Although he is a bit territorial of the hammer gimmick, he does talk about something else later on and he's so neat while doing so.
That guy's Spiky Joe. He's a major-leaguer, so we'll see him in the ring. He's super-proud of his hard shell and the pointy spike on top of it. Whatever.
Spiky Joe's a bit like Shellshock, except more comedic. Between the two, I think I'd rather Spiky Joe.
That's the Koopinator. He definitely looks tough. When we fight against him, it'd be a good idea to have a strategy from the get-go.
The Koopinator is going to be a mini-boss unto himself, isn't he? He doesn't seem to be too interested in any other business, though.
The Major League has an actual bathroom, although it is always occupied by the mysterious bathroom-occupying NPC of RPG world.
This is a major-league locker room. Everybody here dreams of reaching the top... You can almost feel the intensity of their ambition in the air... It's weird... Speaking of weirdness, there's ALWAYS someone in the bathroom. Creepy! Y'know, it's kinda necessary to have access to a bathroom now and then...
I don't know if anyone in this room ever considers the need to pee.
NPC Dialogue:
Toad Father: My son sure does like to watch you do your thing in the ring, that's for sure! And your new partner is also quite good! What's his name? Dr. Agon? I'm a big fan of HIS now!
Toad Father (to Dr. Agon): Hey, Dr. Agon! Way to whack those big palookas around, little guy! I'm pulling for you!
Toad Son: Hey, Great Mustache! You're like, almost as strong as Prince Mush, huh?
These two just outside the left-hand entrance to backstage have been dissappointed in the lack of Mush action, although they've been sliding into fans of us as we've been rising. Now that Dr. Agon has joined, the father has found himself with another favourite to keep an eye on.
Pineapple: Yo! Yo! Great Gonzales! Two questions! How are you feeling today, and if you were a soda pop, what flavor would you be?
The pineapple reporter pays attention to us now we're a Major Leaguer, although the state of reporting has gone downhill since my day.
Ms. Mowz: Well, well... Mr. Mustache! ♥ You've made it to the major league, have you? I'd keep a whisker tweaked, love. Something stinks here, and it's not a ripe cheese! Call it a thief's intuition... Better safe than sorry, my sweet!
Ms. Mowz is going to make her big play during an X segment, of course. No, she's not X, although that would be funny.
Toodles: Well, hello there, you hardy, heroic he-man of a man, you. You're lovely, dear. The gossips have it that you've made some headway in the major league... But I doubt you can beat Rawk Hawk, you poor thing. You're simply too stringy. The only man for me is the one wearing that shiny belt... Toodle-oo!
Although Toodles won't settle for anything less than the best, she has been keeping enough of an ear to the ground to wonder if that will one day be us.
Goldbob: Why, if it isn't Gonzales! I enjoyed your fight earlier! Yes, you thrashed that lout! I don't think you're quite Rawk Hawk caliber, but you have potential! Keep at it!
Sylvia: I can't say I approve of my little boy Bub witnessing these violent matches, but... As long as he grows up and takes over the Golbobbington Corporation, I can't complain.
Bub: I want that blimp... and I want that Hot Dog sign... and I want that battle poster...
We have Goldbob's attention. Sylvia and Bub don't seem so easily attracted.
For the first and last time, I'm putting down a chapter midway to go do some stuff in Rogueport. I'm not sure what possessed me to do it and it really wasn't necessary, although I'll take it.
...Maybe I shouldn't have spent all those on Flurrie.
Anyway, let's find some Shine Sprites in Rogueport with Dr. Agon.
Also these Star Pieces on the roof.
Shine Sprite on this back roof, you can jump over and back really easily.
And then there's this Shine Sprite behind Garf's house, which... it's really difficult to line up the Flutter Jump to get over here.
I have always used the Flutter Jump to cross this gap. However, after getting this Shine for the run, I later found out there's an easier way.
Just Paper Mode from the rooftop. Duh. Why didn't I think of that?
At any rate, those two Shines are enough to add to the one I found in Glitzville to get me Dr. Agon's Super Rank.
At Super Rank, Dr. Agon gets to 20 HP, his Ground Pound now lands 5 bounces, and his Gulp now does 5 base damage to both targets. He learns the move Mini-Egg, which for 3 FP, will throw up to three eggs that deal one damage to random targets, attempting to apply the Shrink status. Unlike Ground Pound, attack buffs will make all Eggs do more damage.
Toadsworth doesn't acknowledge the Zess T. thing. Shame.
While I'm down here, I decide to get this area too.
Shine Sprite on the ledge.
And a pipe to a future Chapter.
This is actually necessary to do, but you know, at a sensible time.
I presume I also wanted the Star Piece. Or was possibly just confused.
Anyway, here's Ground Pound. You mash the R button while Dr. Agon flies up, before he bounces on the enemy. Stylishes are just before he spins into his pounding position and when he lands after the attack, and this is weak to all the same tricks that Goombella's Headbonk is- like spikes. This is the big thing that keeps it from just being better Goombella- the same targeting means you have to actively think about whether you want 1+1+1+1+1 or 2+2.
Incidentally, Atk buffs apply such that +2 Atk delivers 3+2+1+1+1 damage total, and so on. If my calculations are correct, if your Atk power is more than +3 (possible with mechanics we'll see later more than it is now), Dr. Agon does more damage, and otherwise it'll be Goombella. Most of the time, this makes Goombella the better doer of raw damage, although Dr. Agon can make you some big numbers if you're just not entertaining the notion of a boss having a good time.
Demonstration of Mini Egg, and it's 2 damage per hit with Power Plus P. I don't think those -2 Atk scores that have been printed are actually accurate.
Flower Saver for Mario. Cheaper Spin Jump and Quake Hammer? At least that explains why I went out of my way for that one Star Piece, though.
Back to Glitzville, where I have the ultimate punchline for that entire skit.
I missed this Star Piece while I was up here the first time. Anyway, admire the Great Gonzales posters that have gone up now.
Bandy Andy is still able to chat with us and share stories about the Seven Wonders of the Glitz Pit, although Master Crash, Cleftor and Sir Swoop are unavailable since we can't enter their locker room.
Next time: The curtain peels away a little bit, but mostly fighting.
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