Dimentio's savage attack had separated Mario from his friends... He had reunited with Luigi, yes, but Peach and Bowser were still missing. Just where were those two? And what new dangers lay ahead? It was time to venture through the door opened by the seventh Pure Heart. Once again, Mario saw a nightmarish landscape beyond imagination...
"Once again" is an interesting choice in words. We always tend to find new nightmares, but what flavour does that take here?
Eurgh, underground. Right after we got out of the Underwhere, too.
...Speaking of, that's starting to look and sound a lot like the Underwhere, the way you draw it.
...That is the Underwhere.
I guess this is how we're going back to go get all those goodies we found here.
Tippi doesn't recognise this place, since she's never been here. Since she doesn't know what this place is for, her reaction is understated.
Luigi recognises it, though! So does Mario, but he has no vocal cues.
Hey, it's your afterlife, Tippi.
Presumably, Jaydes was trusted with a Pure Heart. I mean, she has the power to repair them. That must mean she has one.
I wonder why she didn't think to mention it when we showed it to her.
Anyway, for some words that I don't think anybody has ever said before: Welcome back to Hell!
Even the greeter Shayde doesn't find it funny.
That's a kindly Shayde... He waits here for people so he can give guidance... Shaydes are people whose games ended for various reasons and arrived here... Those who did good deeds in life can go to The Overthere... But those who did evil...
The greeter Shayde gets the job of having the general Shayde exposition. Which kinda feels like stuff you were expected to get to begin with, but we just didn't have Tippi.
That's a jolly Shayde... So positive... Always with a smile on his face... The more someone's endured, the more patient they get... He is experiencing that now...
I didn't talk to the white Shayde behind him (or find what he has to say interesting), but here's his Tattle anyway. It seems like he's found a new outlook on nonexistence.
...You know, I don't think this is a situation Mario platformers put you in often.
Sinking is never the problem. Well, in the 3D games, it is if you run out of oxygen, I suppose- but those games are less likely to pipe you into a water level.
Boss Bass is the name given to Big Cheep Cheep in the older games. Boss Bass, or Big Bertha, didn't behave like a Cheep Cheep, but touching it was treated like touching one. Modern games give the "role" of Boss Bass- a big fish to fear- to new enemies like Cheep Chomp and Porcu-Puffer, who have distinctive designs to make sure the player understands that these fish are more dangerous.
I'm told, with little evidence, that the piscine responsible for this Shayde's fate was a shark in JP. Sushi, Mario's shark enemy, had already appeared by this point (being in Super Mario 64, New Super Mario Bros, and a surprisingly large breadth of Mario Parties), although few players know it's called a Sushi. I doubt it was meant to be Sushi, though.
An absentminded Shayde... He loves entertaining, and feels bad if he flubs a punch line...
That's a diligent Shayde... He's very focused, and stops at nothing once he's latched on to a goal... But he misses his life from before his game ended... He laments every day he's here...
...That's not what the dialogue reads like, Tippi.
...Is visiting the Underwhere Road normal for Shaydes? I thought it wasn't, but at the same time, they do kinda talk about it in a tourist-y way later.
...Oh, I know what this is setting up.
It's not dangerous. But this warning is indeed necessary.
That's a Shayde who feels it's his duty to warn people... Even though he's a Shayde, he's still scared of ghosts and stays rooted here...
...You ever wonder how scared of the afterlife people with phasmophobia would be?
So much power in being able to kill these guys now I have the right Pixls!
That's Charold... It's his job to ferry Shaydes who wish to visit Jaydes... He dreams of buying a ship with the coins he gets from the Shaydes...
Skipped his screen, but here's what Tippi has to say about Charold. Apparently his traditional ferry isn't to his liking.
That's a timid Shayde... For the guilty, meeting with Jaydes is the same as facing their guilt... They must gain the courage to see her to move forward... That's the law in this world...
Shayde at the bottom of the staircase in Jaydes' room. Although he might not have much to say, Tippi has... actually, wait, that doesn't quite mean what she thinks it does. Those who recognise their own guilt know they gain more from hiding, and those who approach Jaydes without recognising their guilt... aren't confronting it with Jaydes pushes it in their face. Unrepentant or ignorant, but either way, it's not strength of character to stand to Jaydes.
The D-Men are still hard at work on whatever's going on in the background.
That's a D-Man... These underlings of Jaydes oversee Underwhere operations... They're proud of working so closely with Jaydes... They LOVE being near power...
That's a D-Man who supports Jaydes... Jaydes's aides all wear the "doom-striped" suits that are their trademark... Today, as always, they work to enforce the judgments on the Shaydes...
Not that their Tattles are much help. They do have to be timeless, after all.
Finally, a free ticket for the man in green!
That's a Shayde who really wants to make it up to The Overthere... In life, his psychic abilities helped him in his hobby as a fortune-teller... He tried to foresee if he'd make it to The Overthere, but the results were 50/50... He still hasn't gotten up the nerve to confront his own guilt...
So he leads everyone who passes through to the Overthere? How many of those Shaydes failed the judgement?
...Fire breathing, you say?
I'll keep that in mind.
Management, Planning, Promotions, Administration, Human Resources... All D-Men. They also all act as guards and supervisors... Talk about multitaskers...
...Not the same D-Men, I hope?
Jaydes just sent us back to our true world. What, have we already died?
That's Jaydes... She's the feared leader of The Underwhere... She hands down judgments to Shaydes based on the deeds they performed in life... The more guilty the Shayde, the more they fear Jaydes... But she's not fearsome...
Jaydes' Tattle, incidentally. This, I like more. Jaydes is the manifestation of your guilty conscience- the knowledge that everything bad you've ever done is going to come back to haunt you. Most people ignore that she's mercurial and judges fairly, because we ignore how much our good deeds do and overstate how bad our bad deeds were. This is something a third party like Jaydes can do well, though.
So yeah, we're here to grab that Pure Heart you forgot to mention you had.
Jaydes... kinda freaks out at the revelation that we're not a mere messenger for whichever guardian lost their Pure Heart, but the Hero come to claim them.
Of all the guards of the Pure Hearts, however, Jaydes seems the most reticent to actually hand the thing over, though. There's absolutely no reason for her not to hand over the Pure Heart right now. Unless, perhaps, it happens to be in the Overthere, I guess.
Welp, that sounds like the Pure Heart is actually in the Overthere.
Because there certainly aren't very many of those down here.
Luvbi actually asks if we managed to get killed while she was busy packing. Her opinion of us is so low she wouldn't be surprised.
Once again, Jaydes chooses just the right task to assign us when you know what exactly is going on here, but looks just like she's pawning off her important jobs on us because she knows she has that power otherwise. In this case, it does reflect a little less well on her.
Ah, this explains the business of the D-Men. I... don't actually know what the cause and effect of this earthquake was. The natural assumption is, of course, that Team Bleck had a hand in this... but we never actually see any of its members take credit. More likely is that this is the Void's tremors- but the Void doesn't appear in the Underwhere. The afterlife seems to be safe from Bleck's despair. Except when it isn't.
Luvbi is in need of an escort, and we are in need of passage to the Overthere. Mutually beneficial. And kinda suggests she doesn't have a shortcut to the Overthere to use herself.
Remember what happened the last time we got asked by Jaydes to do something? This time, however, we don't face the same consequences.
Luvbi demanding that we accompany her, despite the fact she doesn't actually want us to accompany her, is far worse.
You have to say no to her about four times before Luigi finally realises that he's not getting out of this and agrees to help Luvbi. I wonder if Jaydes doesn't want to deal with Luvbi either. I know I wouldn't.
The Underwhere seems to be in order with Jaydes on the clock.
This, incidentally, is the same path that Shaydes Jaydes judges as worthy take when they ascend to the Overthere. In normal operations, it should be good to go.
Grambi and Jaydes are an item, as it happens. Married, I think.
Oh, now you're flirting with us.
In reality, Luvbi is going to be quite sharp with Tippi.
You know, the Pixl who just realised that she might actually be the lost love of somebody else?
Luvbi is a huge shipper-on-deck for Tippi x Mario, although whether she's actually seeing that connection or just doing it to be a pain in the ass is up to interpretation. I'm still working on whether this is intended to tie into Tippi's role as Bleck's motivation or is completely divorced from it- again, the audience is the one who gets the final say on which reading feels more likely.
That's Luvbi... She's an optimistic Nimbi girl... She's being sent to Grambi of The Overthere as requested by Jaydes... For some reason, this girl flusters me...
Irritates me. I think she's supposed to be at least a little annoying, but time was not altogether kind to her flavour of brattiness.
...What, already? Well, I suppose what we saw when we got sent to Hell with no promise of leaving was what the game deemed as 7-1.
In fact, you didn't hear it from me, but I'm told that checking the chapter list during that sequence of the plot actually labels the Underwhere as the setting for 7-1, spoiling you'll be back for Jaydes's Pure Heart once you find your way out.
A fun way to end a chapter: Have Luigi Super Jump into the block, and be unable to celebrate because he's floating down.
"I sought a prince, but nay! What I found were ancient men of hairy cheek. 'Twas a horror, yea, and one that left my breath stricken in my throat." Luvbi kept up this refrain as she traveled with our heroes. She seemed less than happy. Still, she DID have a lot of energy... "Hasten thy chubby legs! Time waits not for those who slack!" Luigi, on the other hand, was elated that he and his brother were finally reunited. But Peach and Bowser were still nowhere to be found... Were they safe? ...So thought our heroes as they made their way slowly to Underwhere Road.
Now that she's had her fun tormenting Tippi, it's back to yelling at us for not being handsome princes sweeping her off her feet. Glad somebody's having fun, at least. Even if "Luigi finally gets to be on an epic quest" is not the happiest of reasons to be happy.
"One door tells only lies, the other tells only truth, and the third sics Cerberus on anyone who gives him lip."
...Wait, hold on, I don't think that's what's going on with that door thing...
The Underwhere Road doesn't have a different backing track to the Underwhere itself, incidentally, so it's mostly the same tone on the way up.
Luvbi is also going to be spending a lot of time absolutely raking us over the coals for not already having an inherent understanding of the way the afterlife works. Well, excuse me, princess, the IP board doesn't normally like us even acknowledging this place exists!
...
Uh, wait, shouldn't you find a true love in the Overthere? I don't really want to ask, anyway.
Luvbi turns back to needle Tippi some more, and once again, accidentally hits on a pressure point of the Tippi/Bleck connection.
Tippi, on account of not yet having properly recovered her identity and also not really wanting to talk about it either, doesn't mention this element to Luvbi. To be fair to her, if we told her what Tippi was in the middle of, she'd be an absolute nightmare.
Oh, trust me, her love is 100% requited. That's kind of the problem.
Luvbi's refusal to actually apply pressure to Tippi's pressure points, as well the fact the game doesn't really linger on these moments, are the main reasons I don't really think this is the writers capitalising on Luvbi to advance the Tippi story and moreso "if you read this dialogue knowing what's going on with Tippi/Bleck, it reads differently to how it was intended". The game is also so uninvested in doing anything with Tippi/Bleck to keep up the intrigue that this may indeed have been as genuine as it wanted to be.
Luvbi has gotten bored of this conversation and is now going to call upon us to chase her through the dark and winding Underwhere Road. Tippi's parting remark was uncalled for, but her particular choice in insult seems interesting. This has absolutely nothing to do with the Tippi/Bleck stuff, though.
So, who wants to go on the Pilgrim's Progress?
Shaydes going to the Overthere are sent through this place like a vacation spot. To be fair, in normal operations, there's no reason this couldn't just be flirting with danger rather than actually being in danger.
Boomer can't spoil that mood. Bowser, though...
That's a transit D-Man... Transit D-Men act as guides on dark Underwhere Road... All here smile, as they are bound for The Overthere... Transit D-Men see them off. They like to read books while they wait for people to come through...
These D-Men seem to have the job of making sure the Shaydes who earned a trip through this place don't get killed a second time. We'll be just fine, though.
And yes, "we like to keep it dark" does mean we'll be playing in the darkness.
And more of these. We don't actually need these, but when you can't see where you're jumping, it couldn't hurt to trust them.
Max HP: 13, Attack: 2. This ghastly ghost hates being stared at. Unlike other Boos, it will turn around in front of you.
We can get Dark Boo's Card before finding them in 7-2, but we've already seen them in the Pit, of course. They're not really in here, I don't think, more in the next room, but it's nice to get to oneshot them once they come.
Oh, no, there's one of them down there.
Anyway, this wasn't the biggest of problems, but I do know how this room is laid out. Vaguely.
You need to Tattle the doors out of each part to get them to interact with you.
The three Dorguys are part of the "fun" of being here in the Underwhere Road, and they take their time being in the spotlight.
...Although I wonder if this is not normal behaviour, but based on the heightened security owing to the monster that escaped. What do they do to Shaydes, then?
These questions are... really interesting.
I'm sure it can't be that bad. This is a game for kids, after-
D-Man A goes to the store and buys an equal number of tomatoes and eggplants. Eggplants cost 7 coins apiece and tomatoes cost 10 coins apiece, OK? D-Man A has 50 coins when he goes into the store. He comes out with 5 coins.
...That's a two variable algebra question. If my reading of the current Australian Mathematics curriculum is correct, that's a Year 7 (age ~12) question. (I was a gifted child, I probably could've solved it sooner.)
That's also a worded question- that requires fluency, not just rote memorisation.
Never mind, the game is fully aware of the target audience and is having a massive joke at your expense terrifying you with that most greatest of fears... math. As far as going beyond just being a subversion of expectations question, though, worded mathematics problems wouldn't really work in this game because of the way the textboxes work- you absolutely need to be able to read and reread a worded question multiple times to understand what numbers are involved, their relationship, and which numbers you need to care about to find the answer you are being asked to look for.
If you're wondering what the answer is, it's one tomato and five eggplants, as solved by the equation 7x + 10y = 45 where x and y must be integers greater than zero (there is no integer answer if you stick to the "equal number" requirement, which raises red flags). No, I'm not asking what that D-Man is doing with five eggplants in a game with this rating. I sucked at home ec.
And Dingo was his name-o.
Shayde B buys 667 pens for 13 coins each and buys 108 notebooks for 42 coins each. He needs more money, so he takes out 3,756 coins from the bank and spends it all.
This question feels a little more confusing to me, although that might also be because it's the only worded problem in the set that isn't algebra. Do note, however, that the numbers 666, 13, 108 and 42 are all theologically significant, the first three for bad luck- 108 is more of a Japanese number, you'll see it in things like Spiritomb. 42, in addition to its role in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, is a number important to the Ancient Egyptians, as well as having a significant number of cameos across the Abrahamic spectrum of religions (not enough that I'm willing to say outright it's a reference to any one, but I'm willing to put the most weight behing the Egyptian connection because it feels most foundational there- and even then, it doesn't seem to be a bad luck thing.) 42 is also a "yakudoshi year" in Japanese culture, but it is not the only one of those.
Another much easier one.
Shayde B's pencils cost 8671 coins, and his notebooks 4536. His total spending spree, therefore, was 16,963 coins. Multiplying big numbers by two-digit numbers by hand is something I'm still not great at doing, but it's interesting that despite the need to use inherently Underworld-themed numbers, they did actually stick to only multiplying by two-digit numbers, making this question age appropriate to at least a teenage audience. I can't actually see any bad luck connections in the numbers with thousands digits, though.
Panda A and Bear B go to Apple Mountain for a day of apple picking, right? There are 120 apple trees on the mountain, and each has a 20-apple yield. A takes 10 seconds to pick each apple, while B takes 20 seconds to pick each apple.
Oh, that's one nasty problem. That's asking you to find a way to combine all of these numbers in order to produce a useful result. Indeed, if you encountered this problem in a math test, your instructors are expecting you to demonstrate your fluency with mathematics that you can look at a "real life" problem and find exactly what kind of mathematics is helpful to solve it, not so much testing your ability to apply a specific type of mathematics to a given problem.
Back to the actual game, this question is a bait-and-switch within the joke. Both Questions 1 and 2 have had absolutely nothing to do with the worded problem provided, requiring only knowledge that the game expects you to have cared about, or can easily gather from the context. This question, though, requires you to have actually read the worded problem, if perhaps not asking you to take the expected information from the text. Of course, see above about not being allowed to go back and reread the question.
The answer he wants is six. He's not counting the instance of the word in the question. Despite the fact I'm not sure I could rewrite that sentence to include the word less, I still feel like he's overemphasised the word. Hell, I've been semantically satiated out of the word "apple" looking at this thing.
Panda A takes 200 seconds to harvest a tree, while Bear B takes 400 seconds. We can express this as Panda A taking 400 seconds to harvest two trees, and subsequently, the bears working together take 400 seconds to harvest three trees total. They would need to do this 40 times total to harvest the mountain- thus, it would take them 16,000 seconds, or 4h:26m:40s (roughly 4.444 hours). The fact the answer to the problem is 4.4444444 kinda feels like another of those "haha bad luck numbers"- since 4 is the unlucky single digit number in Japan and not 6 like it is in the west- but I highly doubt the writers expected anyone to actually solve the problem, let alone put any secrets behind doing so.
From the point of view of the game, all this was was a somewhat wordy way of asking three questions, only one of which demands non-trivial effort of the player (although is likely to trip them up and require a repeat attempt). The presence of math problems aimed at, roughly, mid-school teenagers presents three distinct reactions to the three age groups the game expects to be seeing:
- For little kids (the ones both skilled enough and brave enough to get this far), they wouldn't even know how to do the math asked of them.
- For teenagers (the ones I feel this plot is just the right amount of subversive for), they would be playing this game to get out of studying for their math tests.
- For adults (both casual and gamers alike), they would likely have forgotten how to do school math, even if they still have the reasoning skills that a fluency with this level of math is giving you.
Which target audience this joke was aimed at depends on which target audience this game was aimed at. The fact I can answer neither question is praise here, but less so when applied holistically.
Right, that was enough higher numeracy skills, it's back to ludology.
That is a lot of D-Men for one locked door.
..."Crunch-time" busy? Well, yes, you're that too, but right now you seem to be something else in specific.
Up. I take back calling out Luvbi for this- this is you continuing to be you and refusing to understand simple elements of the worldbuilding despite being the helper NPC.
Besides, both the doors in this room are currently locked.
See, these three are holding a door shut, which is something far more important than whatever crunch-time work they were busy with- namely, people are going to be killed if this isn't dealt with properly.
The monster is so ferocious that they're fairly sure it happens to be the monster they're looking for. And not by, you know, recognising the description.
I think, whatever it is, this is definitely true.
Although they need a solution, and without an errand boy, they can't get anything of the sort.
...You know, the odds we're going to have to fight, or at least stare down, the thing that escaped is looking higher by the moment.
The D-Man scoffs, acknowledging our positive answer and continuing to do absolutely nothing to solve his problem.
Before pulling his head out of his ass long enough to notice that, hey wait a minute, we said we could help.
Who are you waiting for, Jaydes? She sent us to escort Luvbi up- thinking we could encounter the monster on the way, and expected Luvbi to make it out OK...
Do I want to ask if she expected us to survive that encounter?
Like all great ideas, it doesn't involve them doing anything.
Genuine question, who is the Mario Bros. next of kin? I assume Luigi is Mario's, but if both of the brothers die, who gets their stuff?
I mean, if we die, that just means we come back here and try again, but as Shaydes this time.
At least they let us try.
That's a D-Man guard... He protects the door to The Overthere from monsters. He often uses brute force... The doorway is the most important of all, and Jaydes has trusted him with it...
This is the D-Man who normally sits here when this event isn't going on. Why is this door on the Underwhere Road?
That's a D-Man guard... He helps suppress the monsters of The Underwhere... The toughest job there is... His only peace of mind is... if a monster ends his game, Jaydes can revive him...
The other D-Man instead says "the manliest job around". These two are literally just here to help.
Right, let's give this the ol' college try.
The monster roars, revealing himself to be...
Note that the sound of "GRAAAARGH!" is accompanied by a voice bark that is very clearly Bowser's yell.
Bowser has absolutely no idea what is going on, and assumes the purple fox things that keep attacking him are hostiles, like his brainwashed minions, and mindlessly attacks him because he's Bowser, he attacks first and asks questions later.
And also, all in all, his life in general stinks.
Fortunately, he recognises us and remembers we're currently non-hostile towards each other, so he goes to the conversation for us.
Hey, it's the guy in green! You're alive?! But where's everyone else? What happened to Peach?
With that said, it's just us. No Peach.
Peach, if you might recall, was instrumental to getting Bowser non-hostile.
Peach is still not accounted for, lost somewhere in this afterlife. Hopefully one of the happier parts.
...Bowser, because he's an idiot, decides that our decision to not tell him where Peach is is part of an elaborate scheme to annul his marriage that was not surviving long in any reasonable court. Hey, we never said he was important for his intelligence.
You're the only reason many people even got this far.
Welp. At least we're doing what the D-Men asked and beating the crap out of the monster they caught.
That's Bowser, the king of the Koopas and archenemy of Mario... Max HP is 80. Attack is 8. Defense is 2. He has spikes, so you can't stomp him. As you'd imagine, his fiery breath and stomp attack do a lot of damage. You'll need to use Pixls and items to win this battle...
Bowser came back for a rematch, and this is where his Tattle comes from. Without having packed a Shell Shock specifically for him, we're going to have to deal with him head on. We actually don't have a ton of options for fighting him without doubling our damage, meaning that we're either doing 5 hits with 8-9 Atk, or 4 hits at 10 like I am.
First of all, we need to find an opening. This flamethrower attack has problems when we're using it, but Mario can't exactly jump over it.
Aw, is Bowser all frustrated he didn't get what he wanted?
I didn't pack Shell Shock, but I did pack this.
...It did not go the way I imagined it. What's even the point of it?
2 damage on contact, the 8 damage must come from the fire breath.
20 damage a hit really calls out to me for a boss with 80.
And Cudge comes out so fast this doesn't take much longer.
No idea. Probably poor planning. Admittedly doesn't explain this, though.
This is the one thing in the game that suggests the Mushroom Kingdom characters believe in and utilise the Underwhere as their place of ended games.
Ummm... Sorry to break this to you, big guy... but we're already there. See... This is The Underwhere.
And the only reason he does so is so we can "naturally" get to the point where Bowser realises he is, in fact, in the land of ended games, and this is more serious than he's been treating it.
No, but neither do we, and we're here too.
Dimentio sent us here, and we still don't really know why. Sending us here was the one thing that let us purify the Pure Heart and continue our quest to stop Count Bleck... oh, right, he's counting on that.
Yes. Yes she is. Weren't you listening?
Clean that gunk out from under your horns next time.
Yes sir!
So yeah... that wasn't the monster you were hunting for.
Bowser's temper tantrum, while warranted, caused these D-Men to drop the ball on their job. And now who knows where that guy is.
Although Bowser was so intimidating that they'll gladly pat us on the back for is. Yeah, I know it, Bowser kicks butt.
And now we can get that little bit higher up Underwhere Road.
And hope that the monster hasn't torn the Overthere apart before we get there.
I don't think "asking a random passerby" counts as outside-the-box thinking.
...Are these three ever actually informed Bowser was not the thing they were supposed to be looking for? This is so going to look bad on their end-of-year review.
That's not what the one at the entrance said! Well, when needs must, one may as well break the rules to clean up this place easier.
Using Bowser's fire breath- and only Bowser's fire breath, not that Boomer is much use as an incendiary tool- will temporarily illuminate the dark rooms in the Underwhere Road.
Your favourite dead TV stars have to find new work somewhere. Must be even tougher than the living world.
Shoring up on the way in, although this won't be a tough room.
Especially when we can see what we're doing and where the enemies are.
This room is a long staircase of platforms that look like this.
A pipe! Good luck catching it without the lights on.
And in general, good luck burning these guys down without Carrie. These narrow platforms are not conductive to getting a good vantage point.
So what is in here?
Coins! Two layers of coins!
They disappear after a while, as if hit by a P-Switch. I wouldn't bother flipping into 3D here and use Bowser's bigger hitbox.
Don't get knocked down! That'd be unpleasant!
At the top is Dorguy the Next.
And another quiz to sit through. Fortunately for the people who tuned out when I started using the part of me that was better at math than literature study in school, we won't be doing numeracy this time.
Unfortunately for the people who thought there would be no actual effort from this game that has gone out of its way to avoid it, you will be tested on a skill other than your ability to play Super Paper Mario.
This is the "look at the objects and tell me something you saw" test. We saw this in Chapter 8 of Paper Mario with classic Mario enemies- which kinda makes the shapes used here feel weaker in comparison. We never even get asked about the faces.
You must do the entire quiz in a row before being told if you passed. The textdump suggests only a perfect score will do.
I think the questions are the same each time, at least?
Good luck telling the correct answer from non-moving screenshots. I'll have you know it's schmorange.
(For all the colour-blind readers, I wish you the greatest of luck actually passing the visual tests.)
I'd like it if he let us past because of the cut of our jib, but no.
Feels like a billion, going through this game.
Ever get the sense the game cares more about being funny than posing a challenge?
"Also take down the projector and pull back the pillars."
I know I am.
"I have a brain age of 24!" (I'm just kidding, although I think I do have a copy of Brain Age I could whip out...)
That's a tired-brain score! Are you resting your brain properly? Eating right?
Were you thinking too hard? Try counting floss strokes at night! It sharpens the brain!
The responses if you get too little answers correct. Counting floss strokes? Isn't the idea you jiggle it too fast to count?
Through here is another locked door, but this time there are no D-Men stationed nearby.
Only old ladies.
That's Hagra... She's one of the three ancient sisters of The Underwhere... Her hobbies include resting and maintaining her ravishing good looks...
That's Hagitha... She's one of the three ancient sisters of The Underwhere... Her hobbies include watching Undervision miniseries and tending her lovely locks...That's Hagnes... She's one of the three ancient sisters of The Underwhere... Her hobbies include chatting and dreaming about "chilling" with the youth of today...
These three are likely inspired by the Moirai of Greek culture, the personifications of destiny- Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos. "Inspired by" is the best I can say about them, for apart from being old ladies and living next to the Greek-inspired part of the world, these three have absolutely nothing to do with the Moirai.
They are simply another opportunity for Paper Mario to make jokes about old ladies. I could not tell you which one is the spinner, which one is the measurer and which one is the cutter. I do not feel like the writers entirely cared about that part of the myth.
Nevertheless, they are the keepers of the key we need, so talk to them we must.
As much as I feel strongly about the proper circulation of the written word, our problems could not be more widely spaced apart.
So who's ready to hear old people yet at kids to get off their lawn?
Eh?! Youngsters these days don't respect their elders, no, they don't... Why, back in my day... we used to do nice things for the elderly, yes... When did times change so? This younger generation... Such entitled brats! I blame video games! Kids live in virtual worlds! They can't relate to real people! Rotten like cavities, these kids... and speaking of cavities, take care of your teeth. Once you lose them, that is IT for your favorite foods. Dentures only go so far! Now what were we talking about... Oh yes, we were talking about what an unkind sort of person you are! Hit the road, sonny boy! I think I'll ask one of those nice Shaydes instead!
Because the Hags can go on. I'll have you know fictional worlds can be real enough to cause damage, why not real enough to heal?
There's more to these three than simply their portrayal to complain about, though.
Who liked climbing the Underwhere Road the first time?
Do you want to see me do it again?
Thankfully, this is a "short" errand.
...
Once again, 2007 was a simpler time, when we thought these jokes were funny rather than hurtful and able-centric.
Also, yes you do, Mario. Warranted or not, you have consistently been portrayed as someone who can be poked at about their weight.
I'm with you on that one. I'm sure he had a specific diet in mind, but recent studies are casting suspicion on the whole industry.
Anyway, one long walk back up the Underwhere Road, including that staircase, later...
Here's your feel-good science book, ghost of Kammy.
...You are not drawn with much meat on those bones. Hell, I question if there's even a physical thing inside that dress to keep it upright. Take this as someone made of skin and bone: you don't need a diet.
Hagra is the only errand you need to care about. It's always Hagra, no matter how many times you play.
Next up, Hagitha, who makes me wonder what, exactly, is the point of the "meh meh meh" vocal tic Nopon adopted in Xenoblade, and which one is intruding on the other's space.
Very serious. Although clearly they haven't told you anything.
...I think these women were old when the Pure Heart was given to the Underwhere.
"Sounds serious, so a good time as any to ask for my own favour."
...I'd ask if this is meant to be an old person joke, but Francis tapes his shows too.
(Apparently, VCR was not only long losing the war with DVDs, but 2007 was a pivotal year in killing them.)
Stupid entitled boneball players. Glad they got their own channel at some point between then and now.
...You mean this isn't a recording you're making in your house? I'm starting to question if the writers understand how tape recording works, or if Hagitha is the one confused on the subject.
Eh?! Youngsters these days don't respect their elders, no, they don't... Why, back in my day... we used to do nice things for the elderly, yes... When did times change so? This younger generation... Such entitled brats! You know what I blame? The cellular telephone devices! Everything is too convenient! In my day, we had to work hard all the time, yes, rain or shine... But do folks remember those days? No! They just flit about going la di da di da... I want to go la di da, too! It's unfair! I want to "chill"! I want to "hang out"! Now, what were we talking about... Oh yes! We were talking about how you are a shirker! Hit the road, you lazy boy! I think I will ask one of those nice Shaydes instead!
Little did she care to learn, the convenience of the mobile phone brought only heightened expectation from the world to always be available to answer it...
That's your magic spell? Hagra lucked out.
Hagitha's backtrack doesn't make you redo the whole road, like Hagra's, just the long tedious boring staircase.
Sounds like it was a necessary reminder, but little effort.
Your shows are going just fine.
Hagitha's reward is a tip. Which means don't bother on repeat playthroughs, you already know the advice.
This advice is interesting less for its substance (the three-headed canine guardian of the Underwhere is weak to music, where have I heard that before?), and more for the heads up that there will be a Cerberus later on, and the devs did implement Cerberus's mythological weakness.
Unfortunately, it's a mite late to pick up Piccolo if you don't already have him.
Getting right to the point this time, huh? I think I like you.
Eh?! You know, I heard that young'uns these days do not respect their elders... Hmph! Why, back in my day... Back in my day... Come to think of it, I gave my elders nothing but grief in my day! I guess we really do reap what we sow... Well, life kind of makes sense now. And I guess I never pay much mind to what young'uns say either, now do I? So I guess it is no surprise... that they ignore me! Hmmm! Now get lost! Shoo!
And she even has the best old lady rant. Partway through, she realises that she wasn't exactly much better when she was our age and figures this is her penance.
...Oh. This is where all your words went.
Buckle up. This is a long one.
You may not know it to see me now, but I was a red-hot little tomato back in my day! Boys drooled in my presence. I was the very incarnation of beauty back then... I had a date with a new, handsome fellow every single night. Geh geh geh geh! Then one day, a certain fellow caught my eye, and I fell deeply in love. But I was shy with real feelings on the line, and I hid my deepest emotions. And then! A rival for his affections appeared! Oh, how I raged into the night! Like night and day, our personalities were polar opposites, yes... And yet, through some twist of fate, we had fallen for the same fellow! Geh geh geh! We two knocked ourselves out doing all we could to turn his head. Keep in mind, I was a veteran man-eater... Hagnes knew what she was doing! But if I cooked him a seven-layer cake, she would do eight layers and hide in it! She would fill his schedule with dates with her so I could not... You get the idea. So I had to find some way to set myself apart from her in his eyes... And I just kept at it... until I found the courage to tell him my feelings one fine day. But... then he rejected me. My rival had already won his heart, it seemed. I was so distraught, my hair turned white overnight, and I aged until I looked like this. ...Geh geh geh! Just kidding. I made that part up. But anyway... I feel like my youth ended on that day. I blossomed magnificently, and then the bloom fell from the branch, as it were. But flowers are beautiful BECAUSE they must wither, so my beauty was true... And the name of the fellow I was after? ...Grambi. He lives far above us in The Overthere. And I have no regrets about my pretty youth... In fact, remember me to Grambi!
This is some interesting backstory on Jaydes and Grambi, if it is true (and the main reason I suspect these three to have been old when they got the Pure Heart is because they were young before the duo were appointed to their positions). I suspect this is what their love life was like when they were younger, at least.
I'd feel like I had more to say if I didn't think this is just the same joke Merlumina had with slightly more substance to it. Or at least the story got filled in for us this time.
So what does Hagnes give us?
Not even anything intangible. Just a "thank you for button mashing, you wasted your time."
Let us never speak of them again.
Another dark area!
Although this is a more open cave area than the rest of the Underwhere, although in 2D, there's not much more to say mechanically.
We have to do some Super Jumps to get up, at least.
Also some more good 'ol Spiny Tromps.
Don't bother going behind where they come out, there's nothing but a big pit.
These are pretty precarious to dodge now. Jump to the left so you have the most real estate to see what's coming up.
And also be better at jumping over them than I am.
So what puzzles has the third Dorguy got for us?
Ah. So this is how we're meeting our metallic Cerberus buddy.
The Underchomp will serve as a mini-boss for Chapter 7- it turns out there was another one other than Big Blooper! With that said, however, he doesn't play quite the same mini-boss theme.
...Hey, let us out of the cutscene first, this isn't an-
Oh, never mind. This is an RPG now. Welcome to Super Paper Mario: Dragon Quest edition! Most people credit this to being a Mother reference, because they're Nintendo fans and Smash Bros. is their main cultural pool (and also because the overlap of SPM fans and Mother fans desperate for content is pretty large), but no, DQ did this battle style first and Mother was openly ripping it off. If it was more Mother than DQ, I'd expect the rolling HP meter in appearance if not function.
The Underchomp's boss theme is a chiptune remix of A Powerful Enemy Emerges.
That's the Underchomp... It's a three-headed Chomp that guards The Underwhere... Max HP is 16, Attack is 3, Defense is 4. It's immune to flames... Its Defense is high, so try using Cudge, Boomer, Thudley, or any special attack. The three Dorguys enjoy springing this fearsome Chomp on unsuspecting travelers...
The Underchomp cannot be Tattled (although "Pixl" is an option, Tippi is not among them), but otherwise, all our traditional combat options are here, just with a very DQ/Mother/Paper Mario twist to make them work in a turn-based system. Despite having a party of three characters, only one is allowed to act at a time. If you're wondering how Speed works, identically to the classic Paper Mario games- when you see the options window, it is your turn to attack, your attack will happen immediately, and the enemy will only get one turn before it is your turn again. With that said, this thing has three heads, and each head gets its own turn.
All our items are here, as you'd expect. I imagine the Life Shroom works.
(Yes it does.)
As mentioned by Hagitha and known by anyone with an interest in Greek mythology (or knowledge of any system that includes the three-headed dog), the Underchomp can be lulled to sleep by using Piccolo. Picking him up before Chapter 7 is essential to making this fight go by easier.
Speaking of, Luigi's sad trombone Piccolo jingle.
Because they all have three actions, we see them all fall asleep as separate actions.
Any action you can take that doesn't seem likely to be productive in this fight can be done, and if it doesn't help, you'll usually get a funny textbox for your troubles. This is part of the Mother reference, although again, I feel like this is more a DQ thing- Mother has a few joke items, but DQ has the actual joke techniques.
Luigi throws Thoreau at Underchomp! Urg... Underchomp is too heavy to lift!
Take that, enemy! Luigi throws Boomer! Boomer explodes! Underchomp takes [double] damage!
Luigi uses Slim! Luigi turns sideways and is hard to see!
Luigi uses Thudley! A heavy-duty attack! The attack is a success! Underchomp takes [double] damage!
Luigi hops onto Carrie! You feel a little taller! ...But that is the only effect, unfortunately.
Luigi uses Fleep on Underchomp! Underchomp looks dizzy!
Luigi uses Cudge to attack Underchomp! Direct hit! Underchomp takes [double] damage!
Luigi uses Dottie! Luigi gets tiny! Where did he go?!
Luigi uses Dashell! Luigi dashes quickly! ...But nothing else happens.
Thoreau, Carrie and Dashell are the only useless ones, surprisingly- they're all really good in SPM normally. Slim and Dottie do bestow a buff to make it hard for the Underchomp to find you, while Fleep can make an Underchomp head dizzy for a bit.
Shoutouts to Barry being Barry.
But the attack is evaded! Your party is frustrated!
This is the text if Barry misses. All attacks can fail to hit the target, but only Barry's specifies this is a frustrating thing. I'm not sure what calculates accuracy.
Here's my regular attack. Little short of two-shotting the Underchomps, I think.
Waking up works like it does in Gen 1 Pokemon, where the Underchomp consumes a turn waking up and advertises that fact to the opponent. This telegraphs to the player that if they want to continue to enjoy the effects of Piccolo, they should use it as their next action.
Heard you loud and clear.
Although both flipping into 3D and breathing fire have no effect on Underchomp, Luigi's super jump doubles damage appropriately.
At our level, we're oneshotting heads with double damage.
Handily.
Got him!
...Huh, I've been Slim this whole time?
Interestingly, Dizzy seems to work the same as Sleep, although of course, it only works on one head.
Red Underchomp breathes crimson fire, Yellow Underchomp expels stinky breath. There are no special properties to these attacks.
Can't even hit them when I have turn-based combat.
And don't worry, accuracy applies to you as well.
Defeating the Underchomp is set to a very DQ short chime and then silence. If you level up, there's a "you levelled up and earned 5 HP/1 Atk" message, but otherwise there's no continuous victory theme like in Mother.
Other system messages associated with the Underchomp fight:
Tippi says, "Go, Mario!" Luigi switches places with Mario!
Bowser says, "Stomping time!" Mario switches places with Bowser!
Luigi says, "I'm on the job!" Bowser switches places with Luigi!
Switch quotes. Tippi, of course, acts as Mario's voice. What a Bowser way to introduce himself.
Luigi runs away!
...A successful escape!
...But he got noticed!
Escape does work as you'd expect, but you do have to kill the Underchomp to proceed, so it's only so helpful.
Luigi summons a Ghost Shroom! The Ghost Shroom attacks!
But the Ghost Shroom's attacks don't reach!
The Ghost Shroom has special text for failing, and I'm not sure if that means it doesn't work or if it just has special text for failing.
Luigi is frozen solid!
Luigi is cursed! Luigi's movements are slowed!
Luigi is tech-cursed! Luigi can't use special techniques!
Luigi is heavy-cursed! Luigi can't jump!
Luigi is reverse-cursed! Now your directional controls are backwards!
Although the Underchomp can't inflict you with statuses, you can inflict yourself with statuses by eating certain items, and thus there's a suitable suite of text for statuses here, too. There's also text for getting points and stats from items, too (think Gingerbread Houses and Power Pluses).
Tippi says, "Mario! Noooo!" Mario falls in battle...
Bowser says, "Not again!" Bowser falls in battle...
Luigi says, "Bro! Forgive me..." Luigi falls in battle...
Death lines. Poor Luigi.
So... Didn't defeat the Underchomp, I see... Well, can't let you pass, sorry. If you wanna try again sometime, well, I'll be right here waiting.
Halt! Queen Jaydes demands I guard this door, people! I am Dorguy the... Oh, hey, it's you folks. You wanna try again, huh? Nice motivation, people! Once again, let's test that worth of yours!
Nothing much for succeeding, but the failure text is worth it. Once.
Behind him was just a room with the End of Chapter block. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Do I worry yet?
Our heroes had found their way out of the dark and confusion of The Underwhere. Mario and friends now saw the sun shining brightly against a beautiful blue sky. This was the sky paradise Grambi called home, a place of joy called The Overthere. Somewhere above the never-ending layers of clouds waited Grambi himself. Mario and his friends began to make their way up that fluffy road to above...
Next time: You thought the Underworld was bad?
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