As usual, we start in Grodus's lair, watching him berate one of his many minions for the failures that have led to Mario adding a Crystal Star to his collection.
This time, it was falling for a fake Crystal Star. They dodged the one in Glitzville just fine! How did Beldam fall for this one?
And why is this X-Naut the one being berated? Did Beldam pass it to him and he overlooked the fakeness?
I love this exchange. The X-Nauts are pretty funny most of the time, but this one might be the best one. Just the way he goes "...maybe?" There are so many readings and all of them are amazing.
Grodus is more angry at Mario than the X-Naut. His well-crafted plans are falling to pieces in front of him, and he's helpless to stop us getting all seven Crystal Stars and then...
Grodus, however, doesn't consider this a failcon. It's going to suck, but he can play off this. We won't see this in action for a long time, but do keep it in the back of your mind.
The X-Naut has one last thing to mention, before he leaves Grodus to his clasping hands and inane cackling.
Grodus is rather irritated.
He mumbles it into Grodus's ear so we, the audience, do not hear. Although with that said... he does have good reason.
It seems to have bothered Grodus. The X-Naut is sure not to explain what he's learned aloud.
Grodus kinda spoils it. Sounds like it's treason season.
Weirdly, Peach has not been automatically moved over to TEC's room today. I'm surprised she's aware it's time for another intermission. Does she know Mario's gotten a new Crystal Star?
Looks like we're walking over manually again.
So what's next in the story of TEC?
...I didn't even realise you were working on an introduction.
Nor did Peach.
...TEC's gotten really philosophical. Their thoughts aren't connecting to one another. So much for the perfect computer.
Peach is going into mother-henning mode, but I assume putting a damp cloth on their monitor won't end well.
So yeah. It's time we talked about TEC choosing their side. And that side is Princess Peach's.
Not that Peach is complaining, but this was a sudden change of heart. Well...
TEC is now 100% confident about the information that was found on that disk. And that data did not agree with them.
Grodus's plan has been 1) Awaken Demon, 2) ??? 3) Profit thus far, and TEC has finally found out what that second step involves.
Peach.
TEC is going to tell Peach exactly what Grodus has planned for her. Like the X-Naut, they are not going to tell us, the audience, but unlike them, this is purely to keep the surprise for the audience.
And it's something that horrifies Peach to her core. This is far beyond the scope of what any other Mario villain tends to use Peach for even to this day. Back in 2004? She's still basically been nothing but a kidnapping victim.
TEC is just as horrified, and they are willing to make sure Peach gets out of it at any cost.
I repeat, TEC, a computer, has moral objections.
So, if we're going to get Peach out of here, we must first establish where "here" is.
TEC is ready to tell her exactly where she is: The moon.
Although the Mushroom Kingdom has been implied to be another world to Earth in various respects, one thing that has not changed is that this world has one Moon. Super Mario Land 2 had a crescent-shaped Moon to explore, but otherwise, the Moon is still the Moon celestially.
Also, we need to go back and tell that one Twilighter we were right about Peach being on the moon.
Options for leaving the moon seem... pretty scarce. For obvious reasons. Peach leaves this base and she is likely to die in several exciting ways from mere exposure to the cold vacuum of space, let alone "how do you walk from the Moon to the planet"?
Fortunately, the X-Nauts have an app for that. We've seen Lord Crump go from Rogueport to this base to Boggly Woods, he had to use something.
Although I would not be surprised if it turned out the answer for Crump specifically was "tiny spaceship barely larger than he is", like Tatanga. He seems like the kind of X-Naut that would see nothing weird about this arrangement. All of the other X-Nauts, including Grodus, laugh at him about it.
Later on, we learn that she could do this by just walking into one room on B2F, something she has done without any particular attempts to avoid detection already. Perhaps TEC is trying to avoid some kind of logging system.
Peach knows full well that, if she is found missing, they're going to figure it's TEC. I don't think I would, though- high-security prisoner goes missing, how quickly do you figure "oh, the facility computer got a virus and defected on moral grounds?"
TEC's first answer is the most truthful answer TEC has: they don't care anymore.
They follow it up by providing that secondary layer of "TEC betraying us is so unlikely that I'll have plenty of time before they connect the dots". Likely as a layer of reassurance more than anything.
Because TEC truly has learned what it means to love. To care for someone so much that you would put yourself in harm's way to see to their well-being... that is the purest form of love, no matter who that someone is.
Peach may be a paragon of love and purity, and she'll usually use the aesthetic trappings of romantic love with hearts and pink flourishes, but at her core, Peach's purity is in her love for all beings. Mario, the Toads, Daisy, even Bowser and his minions. It is very, very difficult to find someone Peach is unwilling to love. And when TEC asks for her to teach them love, she teaches them the core belief, not just the romantic trappings. In fact, aside from dancing with them, nothing we've done in the intermissions even resembles the romantic trappings- and the dance was explicitly done to make Peach feel better, which "fun" coming in secondary.
As such, Peach is also very slow to abandon someone when they try and pull a heroic sacrifice. This usually doesn't end well for her, but rarely is this her fault.
This time around, Peach decides to pull a repeat performance of something she did back in the opening of the game: In case of emergency, send letter to Mario.
Peach knows this is a high risk do-or-die mission, and reasons that sending an email to Mario is going to alleviate the issues that arise if we land on "die". This habit of hers in playing safe is one of her best lifelines- Mario is always invited to her vacations because her vacations always end like this. And she will always stick by it.
Peach is typing for a little longer than usual...
And as she does so, the sound of the door opening preludes an interjection from someone hostile.
Peach doesn't actually stop typing until you close that textbox. Meaning that, if you wanted, you could linger on the textbox and watch her continue typing away. She's never going to finish the email.
Anyway, back to shock and horror.
The X-Naut from earlier has (somehow) found out TEC has defected, and Grodus has come to execute the consequences of that decision. If you really need to know how, I like to imagine the X-Naut PhDs noticed the potions Peach drunk last intermission. Little late to start caring about X-Naut logging...
His appearance here is accompanied by Grodus's ominous overworld theme, a song that plays twice in the game- here, and when Mario meets Grodus. It is far, far too cool and ominous for a generic "plays when he is on screen" tune.
Get a virus and fill up with spam ads? Maybe. Overheat and cause a critical shutdown on a vital system? Probably. But ideologically defect? We'd sooner see Li'l Oinks fly.
Grodus, of course, has a plan for what to do in case of computer defection.
Quite the change from spitting on TEC's screen, eh? Peach bonds quickly with things that don't actively try to harm her, and even faster with things that try to help.
OK, maybe "Grodus has a plan for computer defection" is a bit extreme. He is merely executing the catch-all plan for any computer that is not doing what you want it to: Turn it off and on again.
He's being a bit more thorough in that he is taking the time to delete programs that are likely to have caused the malfunctions, but I assume having a microchip for a brain makes you computer-savvy enough to be able to do that.
TEC tries so, so hard to convince Grodus they have not defected.
Grodus dismisses it out of hand.
I always kinda feel like, the way Grodus says this, there should be some sort of meaning behind the particular method of computer shutdown, even if it is as simple as "the game expects you to simultaneously push two buttons to simulate the shutdown". No, it's just flavour.
At any rate, TEC being a computer allows the writers to push the envelope on what they can do to them in a game for all ages.
Fortunately, without a visual confirmation, TEC was able to send the unfinished email to Mario. Safety first always works.
And then TEC has a long, ellipsis-filled message. Albeit one that has very little content.
Yup.
TTYD got away with an on-screen murder.
Well, OK, TEC isn't gone for good, and even if we didn't see them again later, we could understand, intellectually, that we can just boot TEC back up again, and possibly find a backup for their memory. But still. They have very explicitly used the cinematic language associated with killing someone in cold blood on TEC. There's no way they could've done this scene had TEC been replaced by a sympathetic X-Naut.
Computer or otherwise, I'm sure we are all feeling about that strongly about seeing them go.
Grodus gets highly embarassed by the dramatics of treating this scene as a murder, and tells Peach to knock it off. This line does fit in with the thoughts Grodus is meant to be conveying, but I feel like this particular phrasing is another effort to soften the murder on the audience's behalf: "TEC is a computer, stop crying, this isn't a game that's supposed to make you cry." How can you blame us when you put all that work into making us hope they'd do the right thing, IS?
Grodus is going to get ready for those things TEC found out about and warned Peach of ahead of time.
Rest assured that, despite this incredibly ominous ending to the conversation, this evil plan is going to be lighter in tone than what we just witnessed. Not much lighter- it's still TTYD, after all- but Grodus isn't going to be doing things you haven't seen in Legend of Zelda. Never seen in Mario, yes, but give the IP directors a little credit.
Not that we're going to see it in action until much, much later, of course.
Anyway, the time has come for some Bowser action, and we start off with a Rogueport citizen identifying him by name. The weird mix of hostility and confusion they have for him here continues to annoy me.
Bowser wanders to this part of town and everyone runs off. The main reason we're not going to Keelhaul Key today, other than "I think Cortez would not stop at humiliating him", is to have Bowser stand next to that giant treasure chest in the middle of town that's been taunting you all game. We did just get an upgrade that allows us to knock things off tall platforms...
Bowser has gotten sick of being the punchline, and may be considering drowning his sorrows at that bar cola shop.
After last time, his attitude is well timed.
His plan to insert himself into a story in which he was not written for has, predictably, not ended the way he planned.
Kammy Koopa flies in from the sky. They have this cool panning shot I seem to have not shot, which is a shame, because that shot really highlights the presence of that chest. Like, they really want you to know there's a chest you can now open.
...What? This is something Mario has no idea about, which either means it's completely irrelevant to the Crystal Star hunt or a vital turning point in giving Team Bowser the advantage.
Bowser is going all in on that second one.
That explains what the Hammer Bros. are doing down there as regular enemies, then.
Bowser will be happy to lend a hand. All for that treasure.
...Hi, Luigi?
Bye, Luigi. This manages to not have anything to do with anything in a story that already doesn't have anything to do with anything. It is very hilarious, though, although that may just be underflow.
Time for the third and final Bowser stage, based on Bowser's Castle levels. For some reason, the remix TTYD uses has an additional melody to break up the iconic beat. I... don't know for sure where they're getting that from, might be Paper Mario 64.
Bowser can bust firebars, what did you expect?
Ton of X-Nauts here. The time for Goombas is past.
That block is so, so tempting. If you're small enough to slide through the gap, you're too small to break it. There's no way to bust Stone Blocks.
X-Naut PhD throwing potions on top of a high platform, some Hammer Bros. in this.
And, once again, we need a spring, since we can't use the pipe
Fire-breathing the X-Naut on the stairs, and...
Yeah, that wasn't smart.
Trying again.
I use Bowser's ground pound to take out some X-Nauts...
And promptly take a bath.
You said it, not me.
True.
There are so many of these little intros. Each level has its own roulette, it turns out.
Next time!
Ain't over yet!
Charge!
Good to go!
Relax!
Hoo... I'm tired.
Still in it!
Rampage time!
Eh... OK.
Go time!
Feel it!
I'm sleepy...
Timing, baby!
Rhythm, baby!
Feeling good!
Concentrate!
GAAAAAAAH!
Too close!
Last... gasp!
Break time.
Here goes!
Once more!
I'm still OK!
Never give up!
Gotta do it!
Watery ears!
Beware squids!
Although it looks like the only additions are those two water jokes for World 2. I was hoping "I'm on fire" was exclusive to this one.
Anyway, as shown, the ground pound doesn't work on Stone Blocks. I think this is my first time realising Bowser has a ground pound- it is never useful.
The X-Naut PhD when he is not being killed.
And using mini-Bowser to see if we can't open that block. It taunts me so much...
Mini Bowser didn't work out.
This time really worked out in my favour. I normally never finish with invincible Bowser.
Right, how to deal with you...
With "great care". And by "great care", I mean damage boosting through and hoping I don't break too many blocks jumping up a level.
...That's, like, his normal height, are you telling me Bowser still doesn't get in the castle?
Mini Bowser does enter the door, if you're at that level.
Bowser walks triumphantly into this room, Kammy exhaustedly following behind. This implies Kammy was "helping" somehow.
"You should try playing Super Mario Bros.!" Or better yet, the New one they're going to make in two years.
And riffing on the fact that was a Bowser's Castle level. Just... ignore the deaths. I swear I am good at Mario platforming.
Well, haven't we found something?
...The fake Gold Star on the Champs' Belt. Seen it, it's fake, don't bother. Poor guys don't even know what they're looking for.
If you redid the Glitz Pit and became Champion again, you would have acquired the Champs' Belt item for yourself. It appears here regardless of whether you have done that by now. Once again, the Bowser intermissions stink of having been written on a later pass.
Anyway, they're going to continue to labour under the delusion that they now have a Crystal Star.
They have overlooked one critical detail, however:
This is a room that is lived in. And the guy who lives here wants to know what Bowser's doing here.
(If the Belt was going to be here at all, that probably means Rawk Hawk is too. If Rawk Hawk owns the belt, he'd likely be required to have it on his person if he's in Glitzville.)
Rawk Hawk takes a leaf out of Crump's book and points at the fourth wall to call the player out for having forgotten a Chapter 3 character after Chapter 6. We haven't forgotten you- your theme is still the coolest battle theme in the game- but we no longer care.
Well, that explains how Bowser and only Bowser was able to break through.
As for why Rawk Hawk's "Secret Training Facility" is full of X-Nauts, the answer is apparently that Rawk Hawk buys them on eBay. Grodus taking a creative approach to minions who fail him.
Rawk Hawk has been robbed of his masculinity by Gonzales, and he's working hard on restoring it. He won't have some no-name make him come off as even more pathetic than he already is.
Bowser takes one look at him and dismisses him entirely. I'm not sure if this is him mocking Rawk Hawk's bravado or him genuinely looking at Rawk Hawk, thinking him as weak as a Toad, and being condescending because that's how Bowser is. I don't think Bowser is wily enough for it to be the former.
Rawk Hawk is, of course, absolutely not going to take that one lying down.
And declares he is going to attack Bowser for it.
Soak it in, Bowser fans. This is the one win Bowser gets in the whole game. (Yes, Rawk Hawk's slide tackle hit Kammy.)
Rawk Hawk, it turns out, is going to take this indignity lying down. And may need to be peeled off the ground like a sticker later.
Kammy is no better, having been sent into the wall and presumably not having a good time of her back.
This kinda sounds like Bowser was going for "mocking" the first time. I didn't know he had it in him.
Having allowed Bowser to enjoy the glory of victory for ten seconds, the game decides Bowser has had it too good and breaks the fake Gold Star in front of him.
That seems to have lifted Kammy's spirits, too. You need anything for that back?
Kammy understands the Crystal Stars enough to tell a real one from a fake. Bowser and Kammy kinda think the Stars are treasures unto themselves, so I would not be surprised if they actually thought this inherently valuable (although now shattered) jewel was the prize.
Bowser pulls his jaw off the ground and takes offense to the implication this whole thing was for naught.
Rawk Hawk points them at Mario, and then complains his hair hurts. What a hero.
Fortunately for us, Bowser is not aware of Mario's stint as a wrestler with a stage name, and does not connect the name "Gonzales" to Mario. Not that he seems entirely aware of where Mario is, anyway. Having tracked us to Glitzville aside.
Let's see, Hooktail, Crump, Grubba, Doopliss, Cortez, Pennington... wait, never mind, all of those already got flattened.
Bowser ends that intermission, same as any other, by throwing a temper tantrum. The remorseless King of Evil, ladies and gents.
We cut to Mario three days later, having made the return trip from Poshley Heights off-screen so we didn't have to.
We can't go back to Poshley without reloading the map, so that the train can be pointed the correct direction.
So it's time for us to get Peach's email.
Well, now Mario has every reason to tear the earth apart to find a rocket. Is it too early to ask Rosalina for help? (Yes it is, she wouldn't appear for another three years.)
And Peach prepares to tell Mario what TEC told her off-screen. Since they want that to be a surprise for us, this is exactly when Grodus interrupted her. That's not to say this is not new information: Peach is necessary for the demonic ritual Grodus hopes to perform.
Goombella focuses on the sentence that comes with a full stop first.
Probably. Shivers.
Koops: Ummm... Th-The moon? Princess Peach is on the moon? Golly... That actually sounds neat! But why is her e-mail cut off? Wait a minute! What if something happened to her!
Flurrie: Oh, my! The moon? Mercy! What an odd place for a princess to be... How marvelous! But why is her e-mail cut off? Gracious! Might something have happened to her?
Dr. Agon: Whoa! The moon? For real? The princess is up there? Man, that is so COOL! But why is her e-mail cut off like that? Hang on! You don't think... something happened to her?
Vivian: Th-The moon? Princess Peach is on the moon? Well, that's good to know! But why would her e-mail be cut off? Oh, no! Could something have happened to her?
Bobbery: By Crackifer's cookies! The moon? The princess is on the moon, old boy? Smashing! But why would her e-mail be cut off, hm? Wait just a tick! You don't suppose something's happened to the poor girl, do you?
Ms. Mowz: Mmmm... The moon, is it? Peach is on the moon? Sounds intriguing! But why is her e-mail cut off? You don't think... something's happened to her... do you?
A lot of the partners seem to enjoy the idea of being on the Moon. Sounds fun, until you get into the realities. Also, "by Crackifer's cookies" is the most Mario insult ever.
Oh hey, the train-loving Lakitu looks up to us and our ticket.
...You wanna borrow it? We still need a Lakitu partner.
Or I can ask Don Pianta to steal another one from Francesca's empire.
Strangely, I never did go talk to the Toad girl on the other end of the platform. Which is a shame, because her line is amazing.
Ahhhh... There must've been so many romantic partings on this very spot! Ahhhh... It's just deep, man! I love the thought of it! I want a romantic farewell! Oh! Wait! First I have to fall in love! Dang!
I wish her all the best in trying to make this happen.
...Imagine walking up to your brother, and then pulling out your Mail Box to read an email before talking to him.
How are you, Mario? This is Eve from Twilight Town. Remember me?
After a lot of soul-searching, I've found that I'm truly happy.
I may not be able to forget the hard times, or even completely remember them, but I've been thinking things over and I believe that my sad past paved the way to my current happiness. Is that deep?
Anyway, I can't think about that stuff all the time. The kids play all day... then they get hungry and cry and scream, so I'm pretty busy all day, every day.
The kids would love to see you again, so please drop by next time you're in the area!
Fondly yours, Eve
At least Eve has found her closure. To... whatever degree she needed it. Sounds like she had a decent enough handle without our help. It's not like it was haunting her her whole life.
Right. Hey, bro! Look what I found in Poshley!
...Was it, now?
After journeying deep into the Grimble Forest, I found the domed Rapturous Ruins. Inside, everything was pure white. You couldn't tell where the floor became walls...
Proceeding dead ahead, I found myself in a chamber where a young boy sat. As I approached the boy, someone named Screamy appeared out of nowhere! Screamy said the boy's name was Cranberry, and that he'd wake for a child of fate. That didn't make any sense to me, so I started searching quietly for the compass piece. But then it happened, Bro: I got a tiny tickle in my nose, and I let out a huge sneeze! Well, Cranberry must've heard it, 'cause he opened his eyes right up!
He looked at me and smiled. And all of a sudden I could understand his language! Can you believe it? I learned that the boy was the last of an ancient race, the Luffs... He had been there guarding the Marvelous Compass piece for the last thousand years! He told me that the compass is an item with the power to see into the future...
The ancient Luff empire used the power of the compass to rule much of the world. Because of their greed, they were cursed by the compass, and their empire collapsed. To prevent a repeat of their fate, Cranberry broke the compass into seven parts. He hid six and kept one, putting himself to sleep until a worthy hero woke him. I WAS that hero, Bro! He gave it to me, and then he and the ruins vanished...
When I added that piece to the compass... It pointed to the far north, where dreaded Hatesong Tower stands. This time, I heard Princess Eclair's voice more clearly than ever before! I will rescue the princess! I will be super! And then I'll... I'll... I'll... Well, I'll figure the rest out later. Anyway, I headed back here to Rogueport after that. I'm making my final preparations for my final battle now. I'm a little nervous, Bro. But that's what I've been up to, anyway!
...Reserving judgement on the "sad" part. Sounds like Luigi's story has just as much lore and RPG exposition as ours does. We'll have to see how that works out for them this time.
That's Luigi's pal, Screamy. Screamy creeps me out... I've never seen anyone like that. Where's he from?
This is Screamy. He has no interest in contradicting Luigi's story and is in no hurry to explain his own. I'm not entirely sure what his deal is, and Luigi never expands on it.
His design itself also has some associated mysteries, in the files of the game. There are two recolours of Screamy, in brown and purple, with an associated running animation Screamy never needs. These images are stored in files named c_moa_a and b- with "Moamoa" being the Japanese name of Smorg. The final designs for Smorg are stored in files named c_n_moa_a and b, which suggests Smorg was originally intended to look like Screamy before being replaced. The old look kinda enhances the connection to the Shadow Sirens, but it would not have looked as aesthetically pleasing as the final Smorg and they were right to move on. The final punchline is that a rougher version of the final Smorg design lives in test_bom. So the new Smorg design was used elsewhere, but for an unknown and unclear purpose.
(It says a lot I had more to say about what Screamy isn't than what he is.)
Starting to depress you? I was depressed several chapters ago, and I'm not you.
...Less depressed now.
Down to the Door it is, then.
Picking up some loose Badges on the way.
Wonky stuff:
The southern isle secret:
Far to the south of Rogueport lies an isle... And on this isle there are three yellow blocks in a row. And if you do a Spring Jump on the second of these blocks from the bottom... I hear you'll get something good for your health. But what island could this "southern isle" be referring to, anyway?
This is the hint for the Jammin' Jelly. But the more I read it, the more I don't know how this could ever be construed as helpful. That's not pointing at the area you need to go to for that.
The cold place's secret:
There's a pipe down here that leads to a very cold place, ol' Wonky hears... And if you jump in front of the tree to the far right of the area you come out in... Then you get something nice, supposedly. But you won't catch 'ol Wonky out in a chilly place like that, no sir!
This is a secret I didn't actually know about until this playthrough. I didn't learn it from Wonky, though, I stumbled into it. It's a good one this time.
...Must've taken off Spike Shield for something. Probably Smorg.
Oh well, Gulp takes out a Koopatrol if it's standing in the back. I'm covered.
While we're on this side, let's start our Spring Jump goodies over here.
Ooh, secret pipe behind that Stone Block. I know where we're going when we find the Ultra Hammer!
Down here, we can find the freebie copy of Flower Saver P. Flower Saver was in Chapter 4. I think these timings reflect their respective value.
Here's Bobbery blowing up a Koopatrol in one hit, too.
...Although I would have liked to loot that one.
Oh well. Garnet Star, let us see where the seventh Crystal Star is.
...
I mean, we, the audience, knew Grodus had it. This also shows that the Magical Map is quite Magical and will draw our next destination where the Crystal Star currently is- we know, from context clues, that the Crystal Star used to be in Rogueport itself.
Koops: Um... Are my eyes OK? Is it me, or does that show the last Crystal Star is... No... It can't be there...
Flurrie: Mmm? Impossible! The last Crystal Star is all the way up... No! I shan't believe it...
Dr. Agon: Whoa! No way! What's wrong with that map? The last Crystal Star is... That ain't right!
Vivian: Hmm? Is that...right? According to the map, the last Crystal Star is... It CAN'T be...
Bobbery: Eh? What's this balderdash? Tell me, old boy, does that say the last Crystal Star is... No. Seems awfully unlikely...
Ms. Mowz: My, my, what's this, now? The last Crystal Star... It can't possibly be there...
None of the partners seem entirely willing to entertain the idea of the Crystal Star being on the Moon, despite being happy to learn Peach is there. Vivian, though, does trail off in a way that sorta reflects the fact she should know the Crystal Star is up there.
So what does Frankly make of it, then?
Well, he's not going to argue with it either.
Goombella acknowledges the fact that both the Crystal Star and Peach are to be found on the Moon. This is... something we're going to have to stare in the face if we want to make progress on either objective.
Koops: The moon?!? Hey! Princess Peach is there! Oh, boy... Something about this doesn't sit well...
Flurrie: The moon?!? Why, our Princess Peach is there as well! I daresay this doesn't bode well...
Dr. Agon: The moon?!? That's where Princess Peach is stuck! Yeah! Remember? ...Seems suspicious, huh?
Vivian: The moon?!? Isn't Princess Peach also on the moon?
Bobbery: The moon?!? Great gobbledy! Princess Peach is there as well! ...This seems a bit... off.
Ms. Mowz: The moon?!? Isn't the princess trapped there, too? Something about this doesn't seem right...
A few of the other partners "get a bad feeling about this". Something that goes underconsidered by the characters is the fact that, if Peach is being held captive on the Moon, that means the X-Nauts must be up there, too. Waiting... on their home turf...
Of course, simply getting to the Moon will be an ordeal in itself. As previously mentioned, it'll be another three years before Mario can go to space with Launch Stars.
Frankly does not have the answers, and tells us to go pass some time before he can give us something. I genuinely don't actually know how to trigger him to finish up- I just know he's normally done by the time I've gathered everything I wanted from sidequests.
And another email as soon as we get out of Frankly's!
Ah, hello. Zip Toad himself is going to thank us for covering the reputation hit Doopliss might've managed.
What's up, super-sleuth! I heard you uncovered my impostor! You're the best, man, seriously!
See, when you get to be as big a star as Zip Toad, these sorts of things happen all the time. It's the biz.
But, man alive! For a no-name like you to brave danger and find my impostor! Reminds me of a younger, yet less successful, me.
Yeah, so as for me, I'm headed to Toad Town to film my next leading role: the soon-to-be hit film On Golden Toad 2. It'll be huge.
I hear you're on an adventure or something, so I'll leave you with a line from my last flick, The Toad Warrior: "You're cool, baby... but I'm cooler!"
Best of luck, kid!
The Super Star
The Real Zip Toad
Although I don't exactly think Doopliss was too far off the mark cultivating that personality. He's slightly friendlier, but somehow far more rude.
This email does have one of the cooler jokes in its picture: Jr. Troopa, from way back in Paper Mario 64, continues to follow one step behind us. He never catches up in this game, but at least he learned to use his wings when we're using transportation.
...I hope he survives following us to the Moon.
Vivian and Ms. Mowz get the next Upgrades. I'm not sure why I didn't give Ms. Mowz's to Koops- probably underestimating Shell Slam as a technique.
The syndicate stays strong, with Francesca at the helm.
...I feel like nothing could be as embarassing as the lengths this ghost goes to cover up that journal.
Another Chapter, another massive splurge on Luigi's best-sellers.
Super Luigi Volume 3
- The Voice of a Princess -
Dauntless Luigi's next test came in the form of a kart race on Circuit Break Island, where he won both the contest and a compass piece.
The race was fraught with danger, but Luigi pressed through adversity to win! All viewers were awed by Luigi's revolutionary racing style.
The mechanic who built Luigi's racing machine, a Buzzy Beetle named Torque, was so stunned by Luigi's race techniques that he joined him.
Reinvigorated, Luigi set sail for Jazzafrazz Town, where he made his stage debut! Hayzee, a noted Dayzee producer, gave Luigi a key role.
Playing the part of an earth spirit to pure perfection, Luigi stole the show. Hayzee's faith in Luigi's natural acting talents was rewarded.
The performance won a prize, which yielded another compass piece. Hayzee turned from teacher to pupil, joining Luigi on his quest.
It was at this time that Luigi's heart, usually draped in the cool comfort of a hero's resolve, began to warm with thoughts of Princess Eclair.
This came to be because every time the magic compass pointed to a new place, her gentle words rang in his ears, touching him to his very soul.
The voice spoke of eternity, of stars in the heavens. It wept for those blind to love. It gave comfort in the face of fear and loneliness.
Though he had never seen her, our hero was tormented by visions of this fair-hearted maiden. All he could do was press onward.
The compass pointed toward Rapturous Ruins. Only two parts of the compass awaited, and Eclair had one...
To Be Continued.
Hey, Luigi admitted he handled both of these situations with far less dignity than portrayed here. At least show him failing before ultimately succeeding. Also, poor Torque. Less poor Hayzee.
They really go overboard on the Eclair stuff. Mario looks at Peach and shrugs. We already have one pure-beyond-pure princess in the Mushroom Kingdom.
Chapter 6 has the last new Badge to the Lovely Howz, Attack FX P (0 BP) (100 Coins). Much like 64, where the last Attack FX Badge was my favourite, the same is true here. Attack FX P makes your attacks have Bowser's voice barks.
Also, we can see a Simplifier on the Special Deals counter at the same time it's listed in the Others section. I think Chapter 6 a second copy of both this and Unsimplifier to the rotation, but that's not listed on my notes.
If you were wondering, Don Pianta has actually taken residence in the Pianta Parlor, now that he's retired.
Not that he has much to say.
That's Don Pianta, the former syndicate boss. He's retired now, but he's still a force. He must be here because he's all worried about Frankie and Francesca, huh? Or... maybe he's just worried that Francesca's cracking the whip on poor old Frankie!
...I don't think that's why he's worried, Goombella.
...I think the Family upstairs is saying the exact same dialogue, though.
I tried resetting my way into the 70 coin Attack FX P, but it just didn't wind up happening. I splurged.
We will drag Luigi and Bowser to actually having a good role in this game kicking and screaming.
Although, having spent that, I can now get myself to 1 coin. That's fortuitous timing.
Now, here's me at my most "ooh, shiny".
I decided to knock down the chest, talk to people, and then open it. I think I saw two Goombas here and got confused.
This gambling Doogan seems to recognise when he's met his match.
Anyway, now let's open the chest and find our Ultra Hammer.
Time for our last visit from Toadette.
With that said, this claim is misleading. Unlike Ultra Boots, which gave us the Spring Jump to complement the Spin Jump, the Ultra Hammer is the same move as the Super Hammer.
In fact, I feel like, overall, it's more confusing to treat it as if it's a different ability, because that implies things about Ultra Hammer that just aren't true.
We do have to demonstrate our competence with Ultra Hammer again, however. It really isn't a new move.
It was probably something they had no real option on removing. Depends how Toadette works under the hood.
This is probably where the repeat tutorial obfuscates the things we're supposed to be learning. The Ultra Hammer can destroy Stone Blocks (a downgrade from 64- our Super Hammer could do that). What this tutorial doesn't explain is that these little ones can be smashed just by swinging your hammer normally. There are big Stone Blocks the size of Super Hammer Yellow Blocks- those you have to use the Ultra Swing to smash, but I think there are only two of them in the game.
The Ultra Hammer swing is an upgraded Super Hammer swing- 4 FP, but it does 3 damage to every enemy in line instead of just one. Far more useful as a result. The timing lineup is different again compared to Super Hammer, so be careful of that.
Toadette is kinda sad about this being the final Mario encounter. Kinda makes me wonder if she did a redundant tutorial just to have one more encounter.
She kinda slowly steps back, getting more and more upset as she talks about this. Don't worry, Toadette, I can do it.
This gets funnier, in a sad sort of way, when you realise that Toadette's next appearance would be Mario Power Tennis, where she has a single appearance in the game's opening sequence as a competitor on the tournament bracket Wario and Waluigi look at and nowhere else. Fortunately, Mario Party 6 would be released the next month and officially showcase Toadette's new design- and Toadette being here to stay for the spinoffs.
Anyway, now that we've picked this up, time to head down to the docks and observe that, since they're not using it for the Chapters anymore, Lumpy is now able to come back.
That's Lumpy, a Ratooey. His dream is to strike it rich by finding oil. Gotta admire the dedication! Guys like this make me want to chase my dreams harder! Still... When I talk to him, it seems more like he's just up for whatever, you know?
He's back from his expedition for oil.
They do this dramatic zoom, but he'll always have the same success regardless of what you do.
Namely, a success!
It took him to the very end of his rope, but he managed.
We gave him 300 coins for it. We definitely believed we were seeing ROI, rightfully or otherwise.
And in exchange, Lumpy pays off our faith with cash. If you invested 100 coins, you get back 300. 200, you either get 500 (JP) or 600 (Int). 300 gives you a full wallet in exchange. Good thing I emptied my wallet.
Saving the world is the worthy investment!
Lumpy can get really passionate about that dream of his, and for good reason.
Now then, a bit more of a remote interaction: You can talk to Lumpy again and get some more cool worldbuilding.
He kept a journal about his oil hunt, and he'll let you read the whole thing right away, with no strings attached. Perhaps this is changed by how much investment you've done.
There are seven parts, all available in one lump. Not that it could be discrete, like Luigi, Grifty and Wonky are- he only just did this.
I'm finally off tomorrow! I've filled my pack with cheese, and I'm ready to go! My to-do list is crossed off. I owe so much to all of my investors... Not just money! The old get-rich-quick dream...but this is different. I have a reason... See, I owe it to my hometown. It's so cold there, people are constantly shivering. If I find oil and send it there, then people can use it to heat their homes. Oil will make me rich and them happy. It seems to be the perfect goal, right? I have always, always... had this dream, since I was very small. Of course, getting rich is a big part of it, too, but who doesn't want money? Money! Money! Cover me with it, please! Hahhhhhhhhhhh... Well, enough for tonight...
No one tell him about climate change and the pursuit for renewables. They really talk about him pursuing his dream so much considering this game also has crows that complain about it.
Why did it have to turn out like this? I got to Toad Town by boat, then took a train to the foot of Mt. Rugged. Unfortunately, you can only get from Mt. Rugged to Dry Dry Desert on foot. And tragedy waited for me as I slogged faithfully up that winding trail... It was a huge, awful vulture! I had read about it in my travel brochures! This Buzzar accosted all travelers on Mt. Rugged! I hightailed it, but Buzzar had me in its sights. I felt a piercing jolt as its claws dug deep into my backpack. After dropping me onto a cliff, Buzzar seemed to forget me and disappear. I let out a sigh of relief, but when I touched my back, I noticed my pack was gone! My pack! In it was all my food and money to start the operation! No! That mangy Buzzar made off with everything of importance to me! All I have left is this journal, a shovel to dig for oil, and my life... But perhaps living is miracle enough...or so I'd like to believe. But now... I can't turn back. I climbed down the mountain to the desert. The Dry Dry Desert sprawls out before me, beckoning dreamers and fools... I am both, and I set out with a heart full of dread...
Should've told him you were Luigi. So much for that investment, though... Wonder if we can head to Mt. Rugged and find everything he's lost that wasn't food. In a later game, of course.
I am now in a place called Dry Dry Outpost. Someone pulled me, lifeless and parched, from the merciless desert floor... It was a Koopa with a fine mustache named Kolorado. An angel in a pith helmet... He was a world-traveling adventurer-archaeologist. I told him about Buzzar... And my quest for oil... And my dreams of riches and warmth for my people... After I spoke at length, he gave me food and water. I asked him why he should be so kind, and he looked into the distance and said... "Turning one's back on an ambitious dreamer... Invites others to do the same to you, old boy. I just... I just want to believe in every dream this sad old world can muster." This guy, he still chases his own dreams, dusty dreams of archaeology. We stayed up all night discussing each other's dreams. It was great.
I feel bad about ragging on how terrible an archaeologist he is. He's keeping at it, and he's probably been at his most useful, saving Lumpy's life. Also, is Kooper with you?
I am now at a desert oasis. After Kolorado left, I set out from Dry Dry Outpost to find my digging point. But the desert is so wide... It's impossible to find anything without a guide. I had no idea where I was going, and my head was splitting in the heat. My throat was burning and scratchy... Was I awake? Was I asleep? I heard a voice calling to me from far away... "Hey, are you a nice guy? If you're a nice guy, then give me something nice." I didn't have the food or water I received from Kolorado. I had nothing. "Why do you lie here? If you are a nice guy, give me a nice thing, and I will help." I croaked: "All I have is...
"All I have is my dream..."
When I next awoke, I was at this oasis. "You're awake!" I heard! There was a Squeek there in a gray head scarf. "My name is Moustafa. You had nothing to give, but I got something nice anyway!" I don't know how or why, but it seems I'd been saved by yet another stranger... "Do you need a guide? If there is somewhere you want to go, I will take you." Unbelievable! I've actually found a reliable guide.
Wow, Lumpy got Moustafa's help! I guess Moustafa just helps anyone, he told us how to get into the ruins as well as Lumpy digging for oil in his sands. I feel like both of these were bad ideas from the word go. Well, us less so, since we needed to save the Star Spirits, but still.
Also, Lumpy really needed some more desert survival advice.
We're here! I'm finally at the spot where I'm supposed to dig for oil! I was told to draw a line from a blue cactus to a cactus-like rock... I went north a precise distance from the exact termination point... I ended up here, at a point between Dry Dry Ruins and the oasis... Moustafa has guided me this far with skill and bravery... He said, "You are a nice guy. Your dream will come true. Moustafa believes this." He left then, leaving me to fight this battle on my own! All I have to do is dig here until I find oil. That's all... I stocked up on lemons and limes at the oasis, so I should last a few days. I MUST find that oil!
I think this digging point is somewhere around C4 and C5? This is near Runaway Pay, but annoyingly, this looks like it's in a seam between two maps. Also, Moustafa leaving Lumpy to his own devices again.
I am digging... for oil now, and... my hand shakes... as I write these... perhaps final... words... I have been digging... from sunup to sundown... but... still no sign of... that sweet crude... Maybe... I've just picked... a dry spot... in this cursed spot... in this cursed desert... But... I'm sure this... is where Merluvlee... told me to dig... Yes... I'm sure of it... There's... no more... food... or water... and even my hopes... have dwindled... to nothing... Ahhh... this is it... my dream... dies here... with me... under these... unforgiving skies...
My... dream...
My...
My...?
Wait... no... this is not it... my dream... is of something... else... yes... something else...
Dig...
Keep... digging...
I... must... keep... digging...
...Arms... move... body... work... find... oil...
And Lumpy nearly died because of it. Don't let your dreams be dreams, but maybe don't drive yourself to the brink of death by dehydration in the desert digging for oil.
I am now on a boat back to dear Rogueport. I did it! I finally struck oil in that dry desert! I have left the day-to-day operation to my men in the field, and now return home. It all came true... Striking it rich... Finding oil... My dream... But... somewhere along the way, this became more than just my dream. So many people have helped to make this dream happen. So many...
"You had nothing to give, but I got something nice anyway!" Dear Moustafa...
"I just want to believe in every dream this sad world can muster." Ah, Kolorado...
People who lent me money... And gave me food... And showed me the way... So many hands reaching out to help me... I must do something for all of them! That feeling has pushed me even harder... I must share this feeling with the people who helped me as I struggled! I must share these words that have seared themselves into my heart:
Dreams come true.
-Lumpy-
But in the end, Lumpy succeeded, and came back home all the richer for it. He learned the right lesson, even if he probably needed to learn it a little sooner than he did.
He'll remain here for the rest of the game in case we ever want to reread his diary.
Grifty's got three new stories.
3. Dragons and Dungeons
The demon built a dungeon near its palace and filled it with terrifying monsters… All those who fell into disfavor were thrown into this dungeon to rot… Yea, and the demon also had three dragon pets: Hooktail, Gloomtail, and Bonetail. These dragons flew across the land, spreading fear and sorrow over all. Even now, the mere mention of a dragon is enough to give some the terrors…
This story tells us about the other dragons, and also telling us all three dragons served the demon in the Thousand Year Door. So Hooktail manages to be even more interesting in hindsight. That dungeon is also talking about the Pit of 100 Trials, which is indeed right next to the Door. So those torture spikes were probably used for their intended purpose.
12. The Boo Heroine's Last Days
Once the Boo heroine hid her star in a steeple, she was trapped in the nearby town… Some say the Crystal Star lies in that steeple still…
These "Last Days" stories don't have a ton to them, since it's just about how the Hero gave up their last Star and got sealed in a box. We pretty much got the idea that the Boo Heroine was the Tube Demon, but they really didn't do much for her beyond that. Not even a story about how Doopliss is relevant. Poor girl.
14. The Toad Hero's Final Days
The strong Toad held his star and continued his arduous journey. But eventually the miles took their toll upon him, and he collapsed. A traveling healer happened by and saved his life… But the Toad knew his fate was to be trapped in the box when the star was gone… So he asked this healer to hide the star in a secret place known to no one…
The Toad Hero is the weirdest one... because apparently that "traveling healer" is also a priest, hinting it was the Garnet Star that the Toad Hero gave up last. How, then, did the Toad Hero wind up in Hooktail's Castle? I preferred when I thought the Diamond Star was his last one.
Incidentally, for those not keeping track, there are now no more gaps in the Grifty story. There is still one more missing from the list, but that is number 16.
Next time: Troubles, cooking, and Flags.
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