Chomp Country usually stays in second place, especially since the Koopinator can't get knocked down, and that's a very interesting position.
Not again! At least there's two of them, but there's no spike damage this time.
Just before the battle begins, Jolene sets another of our cakes. Now, we could eat it, but I'm told you should wait one hour after eating before exercising. Or maybe that was swimming. Either way, Shellshock can have it. As a treat.
Who let the dogs out?
That's a Red Chomp. It's a rabid, red, biting, chewing, chomping fool! Max HP is 6, Attack is 5, and Defense is 3. Its attacks are so powerful, we could be in a world of hurt if we don't beat it fast! …Which is why it's really, REALLY lame that its Defense is so high. Its HP is pretty low, though, so items and special moves might just work… Just look at that color! Think someone painted it after it fell asleep at a party?
Red Chomp first appeared here in TTYD, and all biographical entries for it in both this and SPM joke that its red colouring is not natural some way. Red Chomp did make it to the main series, being in Mario Party 7, Warioware Touched and... Hyrule Warriors Legends? The story of the Legend of Zelda and Chain Chomp is a long one, but the enemy was actually originally designed for Zelda first, and Hyrule Warriors brought it back as a weapon for Link. Red Chomp appears in the recolour of it.
Red Chomps are the weaker variant of Chompy, but that is damage I'm not sure I can take five of unless I plan well.
This is not planning well.
It would be nice if I could've given that level up to Goombella, but I was out of ideas for dealing damage before I took more than just five hits.
I think it's time we got more of this.
It also means we've got Dr. Agon out again.
As we get paid, no attention is paid to the man on the floor behind us.
Goombella: Hey, Mario, you see what happened to our pal here?
Koops: Ummm... Say, Mario, you notice this guy over here?
Flurrie: Incidentally, darling... did you notice this poor soul on the floor?
Until Jolene has left, at which point we consider maybe we ought give it some thought.
Goombella: Omigosh! That cake must've totally been poisoned! Boy, if we'd eaten it... that'd be us on the floor!
Koops: Umm... You know what, Mario? That cake was poisoned! We almost ate that thing, too. If we had... Gee, if we had, we'd be in big trouble!
Flurrie: I daresay that cake was poisoned! Had we eaten it, we'd have ended up like that poor fellow there!
Yes. Yes we would. Eating the poisoned cake would've seen us losing access to our partner for the Chomp Country fight (or whatever fight you have- usually Chomp Country).
Goombella: Oh! OH! So GOOD! Hold your horses, Mario! I saved you a little...
Koops: Oh, MAN is that ever good! Hang on a sec', Mario... There's a little left...
Flurrie: Oh, my, that is delectable! Just a minute, darling... I saved a bit for you...
Dr. Agon: Now that is a CAKE, baby! Gimme two seconds here... There's some left for you...
Apparently, it doesn't get Mario because our partner got greedy and went through most of it.
Goombella: Wait... I feel kinda...weird. You ever feel like your body is like, totally going numb? No! I can't move...
Koops: Hey... You know, this cake is so good that it feels like my whole body is going numb... No... Can't... move...
Flurrie: Oh! I seem to be having a bit of an allergic reaction! I'm feeling rather numb... I... can't... move... darling...
Dr. Agon: Urk! Hey! What the heck! I'm going numb, dude! This... completely... stinks... Can't... move... man...
Fortunately, it's just a numbing poison.
Security: We're waiting on you, Mr. Gonzales. What? Your partner's been paralyzed? By a cake? Tough luck. We gotta go. The house is packed. Come on, follow me.
With that said, we got hit by this at the last minute, and the show must go on...
Grubba: Whoa! Hold the phone, folks! What in tarnation is going on here?!? The Great Gonzales is flyin' solo this time! How's he gonna survive all alone?
Grubba will acknowledge if you come in with no partner.
Goombella: Hey, I'm feeling better now! Way to kick some tail even without me, Mario! Still... A poisoned cake... Somebody was totally trying to take us out! We gotta be more careful, huh?
Koops: Hi. I'm feeling OK, now... But good to see you took care of business anyway! Still... A poisoned cake... Somebody wanted us out of the picture. We better watch our steps.
Flurrie: Why, I'm feeling tip-top again! Fine job, winning the day even without me, dear! Even so... A poisoned cake... Our lives are in danger. I simply MUST be more careful from now on.
Dr. Agon: Boy, I'm FINALLY feeling OK! You didn't need me anyway, Gonzales! You rocked them! Still... A poisoned cake... Someone wanted to toast us. We better watch our fronts AND backs from now on!
Fortunately, they're just fine after the fight's done. But they had a hearty dose of humble pie to wash it down.
Goombella: I am like, SO sorry, Mario! You were all alone out there! No wonder you lost! Hey, but I'm totally fine now. I'll make it up to you next battle, I promise.
Koops: Gee... I'm really sorry, Mario. It's all my fault you lost out there. Why'd I eat that? Anyway, it's completely out of my system now. I'll be a hundred percent next fight.
Flurrie: I must apologize, darling. If I'd been at your side, you might have stood a chance. I assure you, I'm feeling MUCH better now. I'll be ready for the next fight!
Dr. Agon: Man, I'm sorry, Gonzales... Making you fight all alone... Of course you got schooled. Hey, but I'm back in the game, baby! I feel great! I'm ready to rock 'n' roll!
If you lose the match you fight without your partner, they'll acknowledge it and feel guilty about not being able to help because they fell for the trap.
...So who would hate us enough to send us a poison cake specifically to screw up a match? Annoyingly, the answer is actually cutely foreshadowed in NPC dialogue, but I'm not sure when the two dialogues appear.
Shellshock does not have a unique Tattle, and hilariously, that allows for this outcome.
Hamma Jamma: You start to lose confidence when your rank doesn't go up, know what I mean, man? Hey, but I've come this far, so I can't stop now! I have to fight for all the Koopas who helped me get here! I HAVE to, man!
Koopinator: Gonzales, I see you have the gleam of a true warrior in your eyes now... Never lose it.
The other Major Leaguers don't have a line prepared for the eventuality, though.
So it's time for us to do battle with the Koopinator, at long last. A match for the ages-
Or not.
So how do we break our way through this guy?
That's a Dark Koopatrol. These guys just totally ooze toughness, don'tcha think? Max HP is 25, Attack is 5, and Defense is 2. After it charges up power, its next attack will be devastating. Try to survive it. It's almost like those red eyes are there to warn you just how tough it is… Or maybe it just doesn't get much sleep…
Dark Koopatrol is a mini boss unto itself. And it turns out these guys are also in the Pit of 100 Trials- Floors 71-80 this time. They can ram you for 5 damage, Power Shell for 5 damage each, increase their next attack by +5 with a Charge, and hide in their shell to cover for damage. I'm told they're not immune to being flipped while in their shell, though. Dark Koopatrols are unique to TTYD, although they are sorta in SPM...
They are really weak to being flipped, however- they don't have a back attack like Shady Koopa, nor do they immediately right themselves like Buzzy Beetles.
Five turns? I only needed three.
That's our last Rank.
Although we've got one more email before we can claim the belt...
(Goombella and Dr. Agon are the only ones who outright ask whether it's X or the hate mail.)
X wants us to check out one last thing.
Of all the clues we have, X is definitely one of them.
Koops: Oh, OK. It's that X guy again. His messages still freak me out, but this is our only clue. The Great Gonzales posters in the lobby, huh? We have to peel them off? Well, let's give it a shot.
Flurrie: Oh, is it from X this time? He still sounds rather untrustworthy, but still... He wants us to peel off the lobby posters bearing your likeness, does he? Well, I suppose we must.
Dr. Agon: From X this time, huh? That guy still sounds like a nut, but hey, he's all we got! What's he want us to do, again? Peel off your posters in the lobby? Sounds good to me. Let's hit the lobby.
Of all the places to put the next key, this is a choice. Clearly they have opinions about Grubba's promotion.
Shellshock: What's it like knowing you're so close to the top, huh? Don't get a big head, baby!
Hamma Jamma: You know, I'm actually a little jealous of your hammer... I mean, your SKILL! But forget skill! I'm gonna TRY harder than you and become champ anyway!
Koopinator: You. Gonzales. You are now a rival worthy of my skills. I will redouble my training...
Everyone in the Major League feels pretty pumped for us.
For this errand for X, all the posters have been replaced with Gonzales posters. Yeah, we don't need this much.
The key is always behind this one.
...We have seen another locked door...
Eeyup.
Toad Father: The title match is coming up! My son is so proud of you! He's your biggest fan! And say, where's your little partner today? I so wanted to meet Dr. Agon...
Toad Father (to Dr. Agon): Get pumped, Dr. Agon! The title match is coming up! I'm pulling for you all the way, Dr. Agon! Yeah! Give 'em heck!
Toad son: The Great Mustache! Are you gonna beat Rawk Hawk an' then Prince Mush?
I checked in on these guys on the way, and I'm glad I did. I think everyone else can wait for the Champ, though.
All right, let's take a look and sea what's behind door number two.
Another big yellow block. Can't be another vent, though-
They say... there's a room in the Glitz Pit with a second floor but no stairs... They say... no one has ever gone upstairs... And some say... that groaning voices sometimes come from that second floor...
BANDY ANDY!?
I'm not sure when Bandy Andy gets taken out, but by this point, he is. If you rank all the way back down, the game does have a replacement for the Hand-it-Overs, too: The Flying Bullets "The Destructors". It is a team of two Spinias and two Spanias.
A fitting reward for such an awful backtrack.
Anyway, back to staring agog at finding our ol' pals under a cube and surrounded by flies.
Awww, poor King K! What happened here?!?
Bandy Andy looks terrible! Who could have done this?!?
Their Tattles. The Tattle for the room also says this place is covered in dust. I wonder how they got put under that block.
Bandy Andy still has enough in him to chat.
He went looking into the Strange Ring-Lights and got himself disappeared...
Andy...
Poor King K's been down here so long he's not even vocalising anymore.
...Well, that was a mood swing.
On the way out, we bump into Jolene, who suddenly decides she doesn't want to be here anymore.
Koops: Hey! Mario! You see that? Wasn't that... Ms. Jolene? My brain is starting to hurt trying to figure all this out. What is going ON?!?
Flurrie: My word, did you see that? I do believe that was young Ms. Jolene! What in the world is going on here?
Dr. Agon: Gonzales! You see that?!? That was Jolene! This is craziness! What is going ON in here?
Questions, questions, and startlingly few answers. Jolene is definitely one of the people emailing us. Or she dropped in at a very uncomfortable time and is going to meet with one of those mystery people.
At any rate, that's the end of X's third favour, so it's time to take on the Champ.
I'll do my best. I have no promises about Rawk Hawk.
The condition for the Champ match will always be "use one special move". Speedrunners always wound up doing this condition, even though special moves are slow, until they finally realised that, "for some reason", the condition doesn't actually apply.
This entire confusion stems from a misunderstanding of the "Grubba's condition" mechanic. As you might recall, we rank up anyway if we win a match. We just don't get the next one if we disobey the condition. If you think about this for long enough, it becomes obvious why we don't need to use a special move during the Rawk Hawk fight to continue the story: We don't need to do any more matches after we win.
Right, the Champion awaits...
...Apparently we're going to be the blue corner this time. I was getting kinda sick of the red corner anyway.
Koops: Hey, listen, wait up! Where are you taking us?
Flurrie: Sir, I really must protest... Where are we off to?
Dr. Agon: Hey, hold it, meathead! This doesn't seem right...
Another walk-and-talk. Strangely, I think they only show up here.
We are dumped in this empty blue minor-league locker room. No one is present- possibly everyone is over watching the match?
Something is getting fishy.
We cut our way over to Grubba introducing the match.
The Feral Nuclear Reactor, huh? He's really compensating for something.
Shoutouts to that one guy whose textbox is being cut off by the position it's drawn on the screen.
All eyes are on how well Gonzales is going to do here.
Rawk Hawk's not worried. He tries to pretend.
Haw haw, old chicken.
(I don't think this line is changed if you rank down too often.)
Rawk Hawk continues to hold onto his ego.
And here we are, not ready to call him on it.
Koops: Look, no two ways about it, we're gonna miss this match. We better find somebody.
Flurrie: Well, my dear, I'd say we're now officially VERY late. Let's find out what's what.
Dr. Agon: OK, that is IT! Nobody's coming for us, man! Hear me? Let's go kick some tail!
Goombella, Koops, Flurrie: "I think we should speak to the manager."
Dr. Agon: "Heads will roll if I don't get my steady diet of blood."
Koops: Ohhh...crud. Bad news, Mario. This door's been locked. We're trapped in here!
Flurrie: Oh, my goodness gracious! We've been locked in, Mario! We're trapped here!
Dr. Agon: Awwwwwwwwwwwww... WEAK! Some punk's locked us in! We're trapped in here!
Dr. Agon really going for the throat. Any chance we can't get him to break the door down through sheer pint-sized rage?
This is not part of the show, folks! I can't breathe in here, send help pls!
I think you have a couple of questions to ask security.
You don't get to make that claim, you overgrown chicken nugget.
"Well, if the blimp hasn't left, he can't have gotten far."
And if I forfeit the match, I am so getting some folks fired...
All right, so clearly it'll be up to us to get out of here. What are our options?
Goombella: I already tried that, Mario! It's locked!
Koops: Nope! Still locked!
Flurrie: Darling, I tried it earlier. It's quite firmly locked.
Dr. Agon: Crud! It still won't open!
Shoutouts to what the partners say if you're dumb enough to try the locked door again. They run the whole gamut of frustrations.
This is a minor-league locker room. It's just as gnarly as the one we were in. If you check the lockers or behind the posters, I bet there are stains and graffiti.
Our solution is to blow away a Peach poster in the back.
I don't believe this room ever gets any explanation. Moving on.
This is another locker room for major-league competitors. It's opposite the other one. Why was there a hidden room behind the lockers, anyway? What would it be used for? Mysteries are totally everywhere in the Glitz Pit!
We come out no better than we started. Another locked door. I'm starting to think these rooms aren't used and all the miscellaneous fighters are just held in the ether of RPG space.
...
They say... in one of the arena's bathrooms, a man-eating toilet lurks... Some say... that anyone who sees this toilet never sees anything again...
I'm not sure how people who don't check out the Seven Wonders solved this puzzle. Sure, there's a lack of objects in the room, but of all things, the solution is to flush yourself down the toilet.
I suppose the one mitigating factor is that Mario is famous for being a plumber, and this setpiece is a massive reference to the fact that, in their very first appearance in Mario Bros. Arcade (1983), Warp Pipes were actual sewer pipes. The spin-off media, like the cartoons, were pretty consistent in maintaining this "Warp Pipes = sewer plumbing" connection, although nothing in this game has acknowledged it, or even Mario's day job as a plumber, explicitly.
Koops: Whoa. Is that what plumbers do? I had no idea, man. Wow. Anyway, let's go!
Flurrie: I should like to request that we NEVER do that again. In any case, to the arena!
Dr. Agon: Dude, I have got SO much respect for plumbers now! Now let's get Rawk Hawk!
Surprisingly, while Koops and Dr. Agon acknoweldge the connection to plumbers and Warp Pipes, they don't really connect it to Mario, either. Ah well, it wouldn't solve the problem, it would just be cool.
Shoutouts to the Major Leaguers for actually asking "hey, what the hell just happened?". Even if I learned more about Hamma Jamma's hammer than I wanted to know.
These two just tell you to get to the fight.
Security: You're late, Mr. Gonzales. You'd better get in there. The crowd is going berserk.
Security: What'd you just call me? How dare you say that! I did NOT trick you! I have no idea what you're talking about, but you'd better check yourself.
Security: Pardon me? Mr. Gonzales, you're supposed to make your entrance on the other side.
Various quotes from Security about the situation. I'm not sure which one is the guy who dragged me over, but it's clearly not any of the ones we find. Maybe.
The setup for Rawk Hawk. Quake Hammer will be helpful, while everything else is pretty standard.
Somebody call a dramatic entrance?
...Hopefully no one's close enough to catch a whiff.
Koops: Phew! We made it... barely. Listen to all those cheers! Your fans are out in force! Come on, let's get in there and beat this guy!
Flurrie: Well, I daresay we've made it in time! And it sounds like the fans approve! Ah, it reminds me so much of my time on stage! Let's go give that chicken what for!
Dr. Agon: Looks like we made it, dude! And the crowd is LOVING US! We are STARS, baby! Come on, let's go lay the smack down on that big chicken!
I wonder if the WWE has a fight that matches the drama of this. I've heard good things about their narrative pile-ups.
Some of the fans are a little irritated. It wasn't very nice to look at.
Let's rawk.
Rawk Hawk, befitting his role as an in-universe entertainer and loudmouth braggart, has what might just be the coolest boss theme in the entire game. It's certainly fitting that we'd find it here, but at the same time... I wish it was less "by default".
Dr. Agon: All right, Gonzales! We're fighting the champ! I'M... SO... FIRED... UP!
Unfortunately, that hype to get right in is going to be forestalled a bit, because we have some critical exposition to get done with.
Namely, Rawk Hawk has been an active opponent of us as we climbed the major league, not just a goal for us to fight.
Prince Mush fan: You wanna know something? That Rawk Hawk is actually a total coward, dude. I heard this rumor that he rigged his fight with Prince Mush to make him withdraw.
Freelance photographer: Freelance cameraman here! Y'know, Rawk Hawk actually used to be pretty polite... I even saw him give a cake to Prince Mush before this one match...
The poison cake was Rawk Hawk, of course it was. No one else wanted us to not become the Champion except maybe the hate mailer. The more surprising thing is that he has been established, in the backstory, to have done it before.
Rawk Hawk wants to stay the Champ and hog the limelight. And he'll do whatever it takes to keep us from challenging him.
Curiously, all the partners jump to this conclusion.
It is an incorrect conclusion. Rawk Hawk is not the hate mailer, and from the sounds of it, has absolutely nothing to do with the Crystal Star and the missing fighters. It's doubtful he is aware of the latter.
Now it's time to put the chicken in his place.
That's Rawk Hawk! He flips, flaps, and slaps! …That's what the book says. Max HP is 40, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. He's really good at aerial maneuvers, but other than that, he's pretty… meh. One thing you should know is that Rawk Hawk NEVER fights above the board. Carelessness leads to lifelessness, y'know!
Rawk Hawk has three major attacks: A slide tackle for 4 damage, a double-flip for 4 damage on both characters, and a super slam for 6 damage. As a boss, he's surprisingly by-the-book, although he does have one trick to show us later on that gives him some additional attacks.
The combination of an acrobatic wrestling style and his trick of sending his opponents a disabling treat before an important match has flagged Rawk Hawk as potentially being particularly inspired by a wrestler named Eddie Guerrero, a heel wrestler who would resort to anything to win a match. The main counterargument, other than whether the writers knew enough about wrestling to pick a guy other than just the idea of "heels", is that Eddie was also famous for being smaller than his opponents- he's still a giant of a man when placed in a lineup of people picked from the street, but he's a lightweight compared to his peers in the ring. I suspect there is acknowledgement of this fact elsewhere, but the fact Rawk Hawk is often shot as dominating the room when he walks in suggests he may be intended to be as large as he appears. The Spanish version of the game gives him the easy reference name in "Hawk Hogan", but I kinda like to imagine someone on the team- presumably the guy passionate enough about wrestling to include a chapter about it in this Mario game- had a specific guy in mind. Besides, he totally was in the Japanese circuit early in his career.
He's going to have to dig into his bag of tricks, because he's up against Power Plus Mario and Goombella.
And he's also super weak to Zap Tap.
Got a Spin Jump in. Why is this so much harder than just a Jump?
I decided, you know what, Dr. Agon should take a turn. This'll be important later, too.
...OK, I do need him to hit the partner a little bit. Mario could die.
By the way, shoutouts to all the interface junk appearing on the jumbo-tron in the background.
Rawk Hawk has gotten this far in the fight and doesn't think he's got it in the bag. This is the first time that's ever happened to him!
...This isn't actually him going into his cheating phase?
It's him doing his 6 Atk slam. And completely embarassing himself
...Well, that's going to suck if I roll it.
Rawk Hawk is not only worried about his odds of winning, he's starting to seriously consider the possibility of defeat.
Now it's time for him to cheat.
His cheating trick is to leap up into the stagelights and start shaking things loose.
When he first does it, he'll always shake loose 10 stage drops on random heads. He can also find a healing item for himself (5 HP) and perform a drop trick that does three blows worth of 3 damage.
He is also considered a ceiling enemy, so I figure now's the time for that special move Grubba promised the audience. As a bonus, this won't trigger the Poison Shroom Bingo!.
"That earthquake won't get me! What do you take me for?"
"...Ah."
My massive firepower and him leaving his cheat to the last minute left him losing his grip and falling before I needed to roll a Bingo!. I think hitting him knocks him off the ceiling. If you go out of your way to Super Rank him, Dr. Agon's Mini-Egg can knock him loose, too.
What does that make you?
...I'll tell you what it makes you, it makes you a pretty stingy boss. Only 11 Star Points? Come on, at least spring for 20.
Grubba really goes hard in for the sell on how much of a dramatic win that was. Rawk Hawk was a worthy opponent, but... clash of superhumans?
Well, until the next one.
At last. We have done what we set out to do- win that Belt.
Let's-a go!
We even get a dramatic pan for everyone cheering our name!
This is given to us as any other key item might be. The Crystal Star on the belt is fake and we have no use for this thing other than to show we beat Rawk Hawk. Outside the ring, it really isn't worth the gold it's made of.
As the Champ, we get set up in the Champion's room.
We don't get one last chat with the Major Leaguers. Not that we got one with the Minor Leaguers, either.
...Those presents in the corner aren't Rawk Hawk's, right?
...For what? I'm the Champ! I mean, I suppose I could fight Rawk Hawk over and over...
...
Grubba was wrong. Wealth and fame isn't anything like it's cracked up to be.
At least Dr. Agon is happy.
Where in the sky could that Crystal Star be?
...
They say... that the champion's room is haunted... Some say... if you keep still in the room, you'll hear voices whispering from nowhere. Some even say... the voices are athletes who lost to the champion...
...
I knew it was the walls.
...
I think that might be the more favourable outcome.
The Ice Land remix is such a perfect ringtone for this moment. I almost want to say I played it on purpose.
Flurrie: Oh, I almost swoooned! That Mailbox SP is going to be the death of me!
Flurrie's reaction is a little strange, though. "Swooned"? (I think the extra 'o' is on the game?)
Goombella: Wait... There really IS a ghost in here? No WAY!
Koops: So... there actually is a ghost in here with us? Let's hide under the bed.
Flurrie: So, if that's to be believed, there's really a ghost here? That's rather unsettling...
Koops ready to give up immediately.
First, a rest for Star Power. This bed is free to use, if a little inconvenient from elsewhere in the game world. I am told that, if you hack the game to enter the Champ's Room while Mario is not the Champ, that poster will actually be of Rawk Hawk. We visited this room earlier, during Grubba's tour, but the camera didn't reach this far wall.
This is the champ's room. Yeah... This has to be like, the WORST decorating ever! Like that tiger-print bed... I mean, COME ON! Think Rawk Hawk designed it? Or maybe Grubba? It couldn't be... Jolene?
...I dunno. It's not awful...
Second, a visit for NPC dialogue.
Little-known detail: If you enter the Lobby after becoming Champ, you actually get a legion of screaming fans, matching Rawk Hawk's. They have slightly different dialogue, and while you can get them to all go away with Hammer/Flurrie, no one will react to it.
(Both batches of fans have an NPC who will ask to use the bathroom. It is a three-textbox line where they reiterate that no, they would really like to use the bathroom now. I'd recommend not using the one in the major league locker room unless you want to go places.)
Toad Father: Congratulations, Champ! I'm so glad I brought my son to see this! I even got to meet the greatest fighter of all time... Dr. Agon!
Toad Father (to Dr. Agon): The Great Dr. Agon! Way to go, Champ! Wow! I'm so glad we came! This has been the best vacation of my life!
This guy might just be one of my favourites in the NPC bunch. Just the way he pack-bonded with Dr. Agon, and how unashamedly proud he is of the kid... I'm glad someone appreciates him.
Toodles: Well, hello there, you bold, brave brute of a man, you. You're a wonder, dear. There's only one woman for you, the champion, and that is... me, of course! Yes, it's quite an honor, as I would ONLY date a champ... Toodle-oo!
Now that we've actually got her attention, she's rather ravenous about employing it. The thing you'll learn, the more you talk to Toodles, is that she's actually kinda got a crushy streak underneath that mink.
Pineapple reporter: Congrats, Great Gonzales! You finally got your mitts on that championship belt! If winning the championship is like a snack dip, what kind of tasty chip are you?
...At this point, he is clearly mocking something, but I'm not clear what.
Freelance cameraman: Freelance cameraman here! Gonzales, our newest champ! Gimme the inside scoop! ...You get big if you eat a mushroom? ...That's just dumb! No one's gonna believe that!
Well, not in a gameplay system that doesn't support it. Everyone knows Paper Mario grows giant when he eats yoghurt!
Goldbob: The Great Gonzales! Ah! Congratulations, Champion! A prince among paupers! Keep bringing in crowds like you have and I'll have to buy a bank to store my cash! Perhaps you'd like me to back you as a sponsor, too? Not to worry! I have money!
Sylvia: You seem a savage sort... Would you like to become my sweet Bub's combat tutor? Fighting is rather low-class, but the boy will be envied by all with a pro-champion tutor!
Bub: Hey, you became the champ! You can come to my house! Only celebrities get to visit!
Goldbob and Sylvia courting us feels so much faker when you remember how bad they were with money before now. Bub's also showing off the part of his character that'll be more prominent later: Although he appreciates how much his father buys for him, he clearly doesn't understand what it's like to be a regular rich kid. His parents bathing in decadence doesn't help.
Doogan: You're the champion now?!? ...Oh, I have GOT to give pro fighting a shot now.
This guy continues to have all the false faith.
Red Sister: We're the Rough and Tumble, Battling AND Traveling Sisters 3!
Pink Sister: Hey, you're the champion! EEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEEEE! Marry me!
Green Sister: EEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEEEE! Could I pluck a hair from your mustache? PLEASE!
Even these three get dialogue!
Rawk Hawk fan: Big, bad Great Gonzales! I gotta thank you, man! I made a killing on you! What? Rawk Hawk? Who, me? What are you talking about? I've always been YOUR fan!
I'll believe it when I see it.
???: The third Glitz Pit champion... The Great Gonzales... Congratulations. I very much wish to see... In fact, I'm sure EVERYONE would love to see... The spectacle of you facing off with the first champion, Prince Mush...
And the mysterious juice lady has high hopes. If only we could...
Anyway, to progress the story, we need to climb up the stack of presents and Flutter Jump up to the vent shaft across the door frame.
To get inside, we'll need to use the Super Hammer.
Tattle: We're in the ventilation duct. It's really cramped in here. And musty. And dank.
Roomier than I expected.
And who's at the other end?
...The hate mailer.
An old man who's using unknown power to keep his old body young and fighting... fit...
...Grubba?
King K, and Bandy Andy, both disappeared when they saw THAT in action. For the most part, this guy actually does tend to prefer only kidnapping people defensively.
Gonzales totally is onto you, but on X's orders...
...
Welp. Our days are numbered. On the other hand, so are Jolene's.
...You got Mush?
It is at this point that, if you haven't figured out who this guy is by vocal patterns and the clues in the conversation, that the game realises it doesn't actually have voice acting and has the partner pitch in to make sure you know we're listening in on Grubba.
Trust me. You are not keeping the squirrels out of the nuts.
Note to self: Investigate desk drawer.
Grubba realises that oh yeah, he's totally being a total exposition dump to anyone who happens to be listening in.
Grubba has one last note: He's scared of Gonzales. If he doesn't disappear us now, we might be unstoppable next time.
And in we hop, to the promoter's room.
You might recall, way back in Part 1, I pointed out that speedrunners could jump into this vent shaft and skip the whole chapter to this point if they happened to be able to use the Super Hammer technique. Ultimately, since this room is locked outside special circumstances and it has Star Pieces, this vent shaft can also be used to re-grab those later- since you'll always have access to the Champ's room.
Right.
...Wrong one, but I'm taking this. Other one was behind the pot plant.
All right, so what was Grubba reading while no one was around?
Something powered by the Crystal Star. So that's what the Dubious Paper was about...
Koops: If this document's correct, then the machine can... gulp... suck the power out of people! Oh, man... You think King K and Bandy Andy got, you know... drained?
Flurrie: If this paper's correct, then the machine can suck the power out of folks! Oh, no... Is it possible that King K and Bandy Andy were, well... drained?
Dr. Agon: If this paper's right, then the machine can suck the power out of people! Yuck! Oh, crud... You think that King K and Bandy Andy got all... drained or something?
...Well then.
I believe Grubba has some explaining to do.
Speak of the devil!
...No, not like that. This is the only mention of Gulpits outside 64, they didn't make it to TTYD in person.
Grubba is starting to realise things are going very, very badly.
Koops: You... great... big... JERK! How could you do that to King K and Bandy Andy?!?
Flurrie: You just shut your trap, sir! You drained the life from those poor souls!
Dr. Agon: Shut up! You make me sick! Why'd you drain King K and Bandy Andy, huh?
Despite the complete lack of actually threatening the man, I think I like Koops the best. We know why he drained them, Dr. Agon.
Grubba quickly weighs his options and decides to run the hell away.
Koops: Mario! Let's go after him!
Flurrie: Mario, darling! We must chase him down!
Dr. Agon: After him, Gonzales!
Dr. Agon is the king of snappy rallying cries, though.
No need for Quake Hammer, or Hammer at all, so switched it for Jumpman. Everything else will do just fine.
My friend's friend's friend told me this one... He said... he saw a strange light leaking under the ring doors when no one was there. He couldn't see inside since the doors were locked. I plan to investigate this myself...
I think one of the biggest missed opportunities of this sequence is that they didn't actually have a spooky ring-light visual effect on the way up. Narratively speaking, the explanation is that Grubba hasn't turned it on yet when we arrive, but still... it would really tie the whole thing together neatly. They at least nailed the "no music" part.
Security: Mr. Grubba? Yeah, actually, he headed through here a minute ago. He was wigging.
By the way, Security has noticed him, but has not yet flagged him as being a problem to be apprehended. More's the pity.
You and what power?
Grubba gets a not half-bad theme for his monologue.
...Should not have asked.
There are the spooky ring lights.
All powered by the Gold Star.
It's very impractical, completely convoluted, and morally horrifying.
But I can't deny it's effective.
Grubba is a strange one... His body is incredibly toned, even though he's past 60. He must have an exceptional training regimen.
Training regimen my arse, you cheated your way to eternal youth!
Koops: How could you use a Crystal Star just to look better? You won't get away with this!
Flurrie: Using a Crystal Star and innocent fighters to improve your looks? You're despicable.
Dr. Agon: You are such a scumbag! You're gonna pay for using a Crystal Star like that!
Dr. Agon is the only one to not call him out as vain, and I feel like I'm on his side. He's not really vain for wanting eternal youth, he just prefers not having to deal with arthritis and all the other downsides of being old.
Grubba calls finders keepers. Whatever was supposed to be guarding this thing must be rolling in its grave.
Grubba has one trick for us.
Now that is a boss.
Koops: Wow! Grubba got... really big! That isn't good!
Flurrie: Oh, my! He got quite a bit larger, didn't he?
Dr. Agon: Yow! Grubba beefed up!
Shoutouts to Flurrie announcing it with all the urgency of a mildly interesting interruption to tea time.
Oh, by the way, he hasn't lost his capacities. He's just as smart as Grubba ever was... which is more than we've been giving him credit.
Macho Grubba's theme. Far more low-key than Rawk Hawk's, but it absolutely understands the tone it's going for, and especially the differences it wants to underscore. It helps that, while it's not a head-banger, it is still definitely a head-bopper.
OK, he's still a little bit of the "power-filled" crazy.
Also crazy in the sense that "he thinks saying a sentence full of plosives makes him sound cool."
I'd suggest destroying it, but I'd rather not do that unless we're sure the Gold Star will be fine.
Koops: Mario, we owe it to the other fighters to teach this maniac a lesson! C'mon!
Flurrie: All right, let's finish this nasty business right now! Come on, Mario, dear!
Dr. Agon: Let's rock, Gonzales! I'm ready to chew this dude up and spit him out!
Koops continues to be pretty solid. Also Dr. Agon ready to Gulp.
That's Macho Grubba. He's Grubba all souped-up on Crystal Star power. Max HP is 60, Attack is 4, and Defense is 0. His attack pattern is simple: first he increases the number of times he can attack… Then he powers himself up with all sorts of crazy, power-uppy moves. So, it's pretty important to pay close attention to how he's powered himself up. The craziest thing about this musclehead is that he used to be that chubby Grubba. I guess the Crystal Stars really ARE powerful!
Macho Grubba doesn't actually have a lot of attacks. He can hit you for 4 damage with two different kinds of body slam, and he can also punch both you and your partner for 4 damage each. What makes him tricky is his ability to play with status buffs. He always apply a Fast buff to himself immediately, meaning he can perform two actions for every turn he has, and he will spend one of those actions giving himself a +3 Atk buff, +3 Def buff, Dodgy buff, or a +4 Atk charge.
He only has a listed 40% chance of Stop, but I find I can always get it to land. My love of using Crystal Star powers on sequential bosses compels me.
This time, I got a Shy Guy to appear and try and throw my bomb away from Macho Grubba. I'm not sure what causes this, but as long as you're good at mashing, it shouldn't be too much of a pain.
Nailed it.
And I'm getting some Spin Jumps this time.
This is so humilating for him.
When he's done being hit by Clock Out, he does a hop. All enemies do this, but on him, it's real amusing.
Grubba might have grown super-powerful and ready to smash us, but he still appreciates a good fight. He's a cultured fellow.
Imagine how terrifying this must be, to hear a charming old man from the voice of a monster pummelling you to death.
I think we ought to let him have a go at us, don't you?
...A go. Wow, how efficiently did I take him out!?
"But, er... could you consider being more sporting? I can't keep up with all this Clock Out."
Macho Grubba is a bit of a heel, and kinda puts Rawk Hawk to shame. He's the reason some things are taken care of.
And he gets bigger. I think he has a few new attacks, some of which do six damage.
He has some cool poses when he buffs himself. He has this really toothy grin when he's buffing his Defence.
Unfortunately, at 1 HP, he can't do much against Zap Tap.
Cheaters never prosper. And thieves are even worse.
Power Plus, Clock Out, Zap Tap. You forgot to wear your Badges, mate.
Grubba groans and passes out.
Jolene shows up for some last words.
This scene is one of the first to use TTYD's emotional track Sadness and Happiness. While you're definitely supposed to cry during these scenes, you're also supposed to smile in the end.
Thanking us for dealing with Grubba.
She claims responsibility for getting us involved.
And to explain why this is all on her, she begins the story from the beginning.
With the story of why the legendary Prince Mush became a fighter in the first place. If Mush was the first Champ, what came before him...?
And then he went missing.
Jolene, wanting to give back to Mush, went into the belly of the beast herself in a noncombat role, wondering just what is was that stole her brother.
And found that the thing that stole her brother was far, far greater than any normal fighter could hope to defeat. I mean, he literally eats the best fighters in the world for snacks.
But Mario is no ordinary fighter, is he?
Jolene, after seeing him beat the Armoured Harriers so handily, decided this was the one who could beat Grubba.
Jolene was X. And she was absolutely on our side. She didn't want the Crystal Star, but she knew we did. Because we called Rawk Hawk's Belt a fake, presumably.
We have beat Grubba, and now Jolene has some closure to get from the horse's mouth. And a resignation notice.
King K and Bandy Andy are OK. Drained, but alive.
Why haven't we found Mush yet?
Grubba tells her Mush was disappeared... a bit more permanently. Possibly this fate awaited Bandy Andy and King K, had they been in Grubba's clutches longer. We haven't exactly found a lot more of Grubba's snacks.
Jolene tries her best to keep up her facade.
It didn't work so great.
Koops: Gee... She seemed kind of aloof, but she really just loved her brother...
Flurrie: The poor dear really seemed aloof, but in fact, she just loved her brother so!
Dr. Agon: Boy, I thought she was kinda mean, but turns out she was just worried for her brother!
Come off it, you guys, she wasn't that harsh. Maybe jumping on us outside the storeroom, but that was her at her most agitated. Otherwise, she was exactly as businesslike as you'd expect someone running a tight ship to be. What, are we calling any woman who doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve aloof?
Considers the variety in female party members in this game Don't answer that.
A Crystal Star, for the first time in the story, does something of its own accord.
It could take away the power of the fighters, and it looks like that works in reverse.
Mush is back! And he still recognises his big sis! Presumably, this means she hasn't grown up too much since he disappeared, which I don't think we have a definitive timeframe on.
And the two of them have an emotional moment, or as much as they can with limited animation.
Koops: So... The Crystal Star brought him back?
Flurrie: Mercy me! So THAT'S what the Crystal Star's capable of!
Dr. Agon: Is THAT what Crystal Stars can do?
We've been collecting them to open a door for treasure. That's... more than I expected.
Jolene relinquishes the Gold Star, for whatever authority she has to possess it. It's no longer Grubba's, that much is clear (no idea what happens to him, but presumably he deserves it), but after that... well, it could've been any of us.
Jolene reckons it's best off in our hands as opposed to, say, another Grubba's.
...Or Grodus's.
And that's the Gold Star added to our Belt. A real one, this time.
Hells to the yeah, Power Lift. Power Lift is almost overpowered, that's how good this is. For 3 Star Power (about the only balancing factor it has), it gives you a minigame that will give you massive powerups to Atk and Def, depending on how well you did. You can go as high as +4 on both, but I usually get no higher than +5 collective (say, +3 Atk/+2 Def). You saw how much Power Plus shredded Rawk Hawk and Macho Grubba. Imagine being able to throw three times that power on while shoring up your bulk. Set this on a boss fight and forget. It lasts for two turns following the one Mario uses it on, wearing off at the end of the enemy turn.
Of all bosses who possess Crystal Stars, Macho Grubba is the only one who uses anything that matches the Star Power- in his case, all his buffing attacks are weaker variants of Power Lift. I say it's rather fitting, since he's the only one who saw fit to use his Crystal Star as a means to an end- everyone else either sees their Crystal Star as a mere treasure or isn't the rightful guardian of it (eg Magnus von Grapple, who had the Emerald Star for all of five minutes and was almost certainly not mastering Clock Out).
Glitzville's seamy underside was a dark, dangerous place seething with conspiracy... With the help of the lovely Ms. Jolene, Mario revealed Grubba's true identity... And acquired the third Crystal Star by defeating the monstrous Macho Grubba. Grubba had used the power of the Crystal Star to run his power-draining machine... What other hidden powers might these strange and mystical items possess?
Fittingly, it seems a chapter that enjoyed itself some mystery is going to leave more mysteries on the table as it leaves.
Next time: Peach and TEC's story goes somewhere.
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