Bethany Plays: SPM Chapter 6 Part 1: The Oncoming Storm

Under the looming shadow of The Void, the world slowly drifted toward demise. But not all hope was lost: two Pure Hearts had yet to be found. Could our daring heroes find them? Or was the world doomed to be devoured? Mario, Peach, and Bowser ventured through the next door to find out...

Those stakes are getting higher and higher. Or, well, more and more openly discussed. That's... kinda worrying, actually...

Sammer... Guy?

Oh, "samurai!". Looks like we've found the traditional Japanese world.

...And this time, it really does look like it.

...Don't say that out loud, Tippi...

At any rate, welcome to the Sammer Kingdom, the serene land of Japanese architecture broken up by its many, many, many Sammer Guys willing to challenge you to battle.

It really does look nice, though.

...Heronicus? I'm fairly sure this isn't supposed to be the actual guy, but this isn't a generic character, even if it might look like one.

Prepare for a lot of talk of dishonour on you and your cow.

This is at least born of genuine concerns: They need us now more than ever, and their plan to figure out how to find us is to challenge everybody to fights and see which one can take them. It's not the best plan, but it is at least a plan.

Case in point, stopping a random passerby woman and challenging her to a battle. This is written hero-neutrally, and considering the place of women in chivalry, you'd think Peach would get special treatment.

Nope. Or this guy thinks this place is so divorced from women's territory that anybody who comes here in a dress and heels is crazy.

Tippi: His name is Mario. He's not here to challenge you...
Bowser: Bwahahahaha! Challenger?! All I'd have to do is sit on you and I could wear you like a hat!

Peach asks about what exactly is going on here, while Tippi tries to get Mario out of this situation immediately and Bowser scoffs at the idea he's going to be scared of anything.

The Sammer Guy is not particularly interested in engaging with any of them in their respective chosen topics. He's going right into action.

Something that prompts us to look around in confusion while everything is going down.

That is a Sammer Guy. This martial artist serves King Sammer... Max HP is 1-99. Attack is 1-10. Defense is 0-4. Basic attack patterns are similar, but every Sammer Guy is different... There are 100 of them in all. You will have to adapt to fighting each one... They always fight with great honor...

One hundred Sammer Guys. So many that even the Tattle writers gave up, writing one general-use Tattle that applies to all 100 while being spectacularly useless for any individual one. Jade Blooper has 25 HP and 1 Atk, although with Peach doing 10 damage a hit, that's a 3 hit fight. If you're still down at 6 Atk, you might have a fight worth writing home about, but we passed that point when we got to 9 Atk.

"Our lacquered helmets were no match for your ~~leather boot~~ high heels."

You're sure about this with just the one fight? Then what do the other 99 do?

Tippi asks the question directly, and thankfully, this is when we get that answered.

Although once again, it's with our dress sense being challenged. I suppose overalls would be exotic to a man familiar only with upper-class Japanese regalia.

Tippi: Sorry, but... who are you?
Bowser: I don't know who you think you are, but I got a rousing spectacle for your face!

Tippi and Peach ask who he is (Peach, of course, doing so diplomatically), while Bowser has quite the laugh at him having a crown for a face.

Of course, this man is the ruler around here. With that said, though, I find it interesting this man is King. We're in a very Japanese locale, with very Japanese morality and systems. Shouldn't he be an Emperor? He does have a Japanese pointed moustache and beard, but otherwise, his visual stylings more closely resemble European Kings.

...Do most people fight the Sammer Guys with swords? I imagine doing so goes some way to explain why the Sammer Guys are much stronger against other people.

Of course, King Sammer is the descendant of the guy trusted with the Pure Heart. Even discounting the fact he's not the same guy, the Sammer Kingdom was chosen less for its trustworthiness in general.

Bowser: HEY! You got one of those Pure Heart things!

Regardless, points at sky We need that hand it over now no time for questions.

The Pure Heart is currently being used as the grand prize of the most difficult tournament in the Sammer Kingdom.

Bowser: A showdown?! Ooooh, is there gonna be a steel cage?!

No, Bowser, but I'm sure Fawful will be happy to arrange that for you in two years' time.

Yeah, everyone's got that legend, although it's usually got far too many words in it. Good on you for condensing it down a bit.

That's why we're here.

Please don't, Your Majesty. Your voice is very nice, but we don't need to hear quite that much of it.

He says this, and then it fails to occur to him that he probably ought to do the thing that passage says he should.

That is rather a lot of dudes. Some with spiked heads, some with special swords, some who know what the third dimension is, and some with wiry moustaches.

And all of which want to fight us.

We're not even given the dignity of fighting them all at once and getting it over with. I wonder how possible that is.

Let all 99 of your men know: You let them die.

Tippi, meanwhile, reckons there's nothing to do except go along with King Sammer's crazy and almost definitely futile plan.

That's Jade Blooper, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He constantly talks about honor and shame... And also smells strangely fishy...

And, of course, all 100 Sammer Guys require names. I feel like "Jade Blooper" is the sort of name you'd expect from the Sammer Guys- cute references to Mario lore while still fitting the Sammer aesthetic and not being that much more involved.

That's not Super Paper Mario's style. While some of these are not as Mario as often claimed, the jokes do indeed take a turn for the absurd and deep cuts. Although this one is less of the latter.

Every Sammer Guy has a speech for both introduction and defeat themed around their respective gimmick, often leaning heavily on a single joke. This guy, for example, is based on the various hills with eyes that overlook Mario while he goes through the Mario World.

HP: 15, Atk, 2. 2 hits and he's done. If you really don't want to deal with these, Bowser fire breath. Anything with 20 HP or less, my Bowser would oneshot. I think I might be relatively overlevelled, but since most Sammer Guys are in multiples of 5, all that does is stop you oneshotting the 20 HP guys. And if you have 9 Atk, you still two shot up to 35.

"I'm watching you, Princess. Allllways watching."

That's Hill with Eyes, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He once lost a staring contest to King Sammer and hasn't recovered...

Everybody taking this super seriously. Although they don't agree on what "this" is.

This is part of me enjoying Peach and Dashell together: If you get a run up with Dashell and then start a glide, you can get Peach to far overshoot the Sammer Guy, although she is ordered to walk back to starting position regardless of how far she gets.

The reference that people seem to go with here is Huff 'n' Puff, a cloud with fists. His fondness for the phrase "Pwaaaaaang" feels like part of his reference, and Huff doesn't have that. Maybe it's a JP thing shared between the two.

HP: 10, Atk: 1. Just like a cloud.

At least you guys have vacation days. Huff didn't exactly have a cloud temple.

That's Puffing Fist, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He claims to have studied ancient Pwaaaang traditions, whatever that means...

It would be nice if you had any more idea, Tippi.

Birdo wasn't a bird. Well, OK, this is a deep cut.

In the NES release of Super Mario Bros. 2, Birdo was mixed up with the flightless bird enemy Ostro, a mixup that lingered in public consciousness until Birdo became a major enough character to be referred to as Birdo often.

~~Birdo later became a trans character, but somehow this is the closest thing she has to a deadname.~~

Max HP: 15, Atk: 2.

Birdo throws eggs. More than Ostro themselves, too.

That's Squatting Birdo, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He's a true master of the Squatting Birdo stance...

With that said, not sure Birdo squats all that much.

I jump on them with my boots! And run face first into them, too.

HP: 10, Atk: 1.

The first one with a spike, so either Cudge or Bowser him.

Yes, I know it's cheap, but I'm not 100% sure I have a non-doubled attack that hurts you.

...I'd joke that of course it'd help, but against Bowser's breath? You really need a good angle and starting point for that to scare him.

That's Leeping Cheep, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He spends days at a time awkwardly attempting to leap out of the water...

...Yeah, I am imagining how pathetic that must look.

I think this is just about Wigglers in general. Most Wigglers with character are typically more childlike than haiku-giving.

Max HP: 10, Atk: 2.

That's Master Wiggler, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... His abstract haiku poetry has quite a following in literary circles...

If you want to be known for your literacy, don't rely on filling your last line with "wiggle".

Kuribo's Shoe was a one-off powerup from Super Mario Bros. 3, and a very fun one. It let you cross spike pits and kill a bunch of enemies main-series platformer Mario was pretty helpless against, but only appeared in one level. This made it so off the beaten path that it got left as its semi-translated name "Kuribo's Shoe" until Super Mario Maker 2, decades after this game. "Kuribo" is "Goomba", and Goombas were often found in the shoes before you got your hands on them.

Max HP: 15, Atk: 2.

That's Shoe of Kuribo, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He goes through several pairs of shoes a month...

When you cross spike pits, you really must wear down your shoes.

This is a reference to Fryguy, an enemy from Super Mario Bros. USA, and an enemy that appeared pretty much nowhere else when that game stopped being a relevant source of enemies in itself. Even then, that means it's only in, like, the Super Show and the comics.

This is what he looks like.

Max HP: 15, Atk: 1.

He is not the first Sammer Guy to have a Ninjoe- that would be Squatting Birdo- but he is the one I caught. Ninjohn and Ninjerry, of course, will appear for later Sammer Guys.

You can kinda see why you're less scared of Ninjoes here compared to the Pit.

That's Guy Who Fry, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... Guy Who Fry's special Sammer Guy diet consists entirely of deep-fried foods...

Mmm... guy who fry...

Please... please don't.

That's called "my ears can't handle loud noises like yours." This one's one of the ones that doesn't seem to be a Mario reference. Maybe it's talking about Metal Gear, I dunno, but it's probably not Mario.

Max HP: 10, Atk: 2.

That's Screaming Mantis, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... Screaming Mantis is often on the injured reserve, due to hoarseness of throat...

Meanwhile, I'll need a Panadol. Both of our bodies disagree with your habits.

This guy is clearly based on Koopas theoretically requiring hibernation, owing to the whole "being reptiles" thing, but no Mario game has ever depicted this. Perhaps that's what Bowser's doing when he's not going on a rampage.

Max HP: 30, Atk: 3. The big guys are scary, especially with their big swings, but they're slow, and that can be exploited. Also, they're easier to hit.

That's Koopa in Winter, one of King Sammer's famous Sammer Guys... He's not sure why, but he cries every time he looks at a sunset...

There's a few suspicions for this, but my bet is because hibernating creatures are worried about how long they have until the next winter, with every sunset bringing them that much closer.

This guy poses a bit of an interesting question.

He claims credit for being the guy who puts coins in all the levels. The 2004 Zelda game Minish Cap demonstrated that the reason pots drop Rupees and other pickups in the Zelda series was because a race of tiny people called the Minish put them there, but I don't think Mario has a matching race for coins and mushrooms. The original Super Mario Bros. manual implied that ? Blocks are transformed Toads, with mushrooms being gifts for your help freeing them, but this has been quietly dropped from the series lore without anyone really noticing or caring.

So is this guy responsible? Probably not, but let's let him believe it.

Max HP: 15, Atk: 2.

If you don't have the money to spend, stop leaving them in fun levels for Mario to whizz on by without a care in the world.

That's Footsteps of Coins, one of King Sammer's famous Sammer Guys... His lesser-known brother is called Footsteps of Meat...

...I'm guessing the guy who put the chunks of meat in the Bowser Quest levels in TTYD? Not sure who else it'd be.

This guy's based on the Urchin enemies that appeared since Super Mario World, as general "avoid me" encounters in water levels. Another name along the lines of Jade Blooper, and fittingly, this guy isn't going to talk about Urchins.

Have you guys heard of time pressure? OK, maybe that's why you're so easy, but could we get each match over with that much faster?

Max HP: 15, Atk: 2.

That's Urchin Lung, one of King Sammer's more infamous Sammer Guys... He was once King Sammer's personal trainer, until an unfortunate sit-up incident...

I have no idea how a sit-up ends badly and I'm not sure I want to know. Mostly because it's funnier not knowing.

Oh great, another screamer. Look, 100 jokes is a lot, but did you have to throw these ones into the mix as well? Like Screaming Mantis, this isn't even a Mario joke.

Max HP: 20, Atk: 1.

Crow Who Eats is the first Sammer Guy to show off one of the more dangerous abilities, sword beams. These aren't dependent on max HP, like Link's.

That's Crow Who Eats, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He likes to taunt his foes, which makes it a little awkward when he loses...

He's based on the expression "eating crow", which is basically what he's forced to do every time he loses a match. He really should consider a name change.

This poor guy bit his tongue and isn't able to get anything vaguely impressive off.

Max HP: 15, Atk: 3.

He can't even say his defeat quote right.

That's Swollen Tongue, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... His affliction makes the customary prebattle taunt a little difficult...

You go sit down, sir.

This guy starts something to help break up the monotony: Him and the next two guys are all related to this "Sweaty Palms" school of study.

Max HP: 15, Atk: 2.

Little hard to be a threat when you can't get a good grip on your sword. Nerves are all right, but physically impairing nerves are going to cause problems.

That's Slipping Grip, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He's a young student at the Sweaty Palm Martial Arts Academy...

...I'm not subscribed to that newsletter. Clammy hands sound like a better situation to be in than sweaty palms, but what do I know?

Max HP: 20, Atk: 2. Odds are his higher bulk literally isn't helping him.

You recovered pretty quick.

That's Clammy Hand, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... His notoriously clammy grip must make first introductions a little awkward...

...We don't handshake. And if we did, Bowser is the only one of us without gloves.

...So were you expelled or did you just get detention? Or perhaps you aren't informed of the difference either.

Max HP: 15, Atk: 2. He doesn't even have anything actually illegal, like sword beams or so on.

You need a better forbidden technique.

I say "break up the monotony" because Slipping Grip and Clammy Hand actually show up to talk to Forbidden Slap after the match.

"It was just detention, you absolute dunce!"

You'd better earn that degree fast, buddy.

Slipping Grip and Clammy Hand have a little more to say to us on the way out.

Although they've left by the time you get control back.

That's Forbidden Slap, one of King Sammer's more infamous Sammer Guys... He was expelled from school for learning the Wicked Palm of a Thousand Sweats...

Ah, that explains why it didn't help him.

Arantulas were enemies in TTYD, this one coming back for a rematch in actual size. Once again, in a 100 battle onslaught.

Max HP: 1, Atk: 2. This is the first Small Sammer Guy in the set. These guys are the ones with 1 HP for that "1-99" HP rating in the Tattle.

He's got nothing special, but some of the later ones do.

That's Hairy Arantula in the Grass, one of King Sammer's famous Sammer Guys... He loves to hide in the grass in the park and leap out and startle people...

He's probably not triggering anyone's arachnophobia, owing to the lack of arachnid imagery on his person. Just scaring them the conventional way.

This guy is an iconic Mario reference, this time to the original Super Mario Bros. Whenever you rescued a Mushroom Retainer in that game, they would say the iconic line "THANK YOU MARIO BUT OUR PRINCESS IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE". This line became famous enough that it was being referenced as early as Super Mario Bros. 3, although the intent of the line is a little ambiguous. Nowadays, Mario is always 100% aware of where Peach is, and visiting castles other than the one where Peach is being held is being done deliberately, with full awareness he will not be finding Peach (or in games like New Super Mario Bros. for DS and Wii, he would see Peach, and then Bowser Jr. would immediately take her away). I feel the intent of the original was that this was still the case back then, but many people read it in a taunting way because people like to read things in negative lights, I guess.

Max HP: 25, Atk: 2. At least he's sorta good at being tough to tak eout.

Now's not the time to joke about that, says the woman who has canonically joked about it.

That's Another Castle, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He takes himself so seriously that he once dug a moat around himself...

See, the thing about castles is that if you advertise the fact this isn't where you're supposed to be, then they will move on and ignore you. Having a moat will make it harder to correct them.

...Bit of a weird moment to heal up, but might as well.

This guy is presumably based on either Spiny Tromps or Spindels. Probably Spindels, since they appeared in a game where most people weren't aware of the enemy names and thus probably just called them "rolling Thwomps" for simplicity's sake. This game predates Rhomps, not that Rhomps became recurring opponents.

Max HP: 30, Atk: 3. With a Ninjoe giving assistance, this is a pretty tough fight it was worth healing for.

That's Rolling Thwomp, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He loves kittens... Especially the fluffy, pudgy ones...

Aw, how cute...

Uh, what?

...Uh oh. You reckon they'll let us take the Pure Heart early now, or have we hit the sunk cost fallacy wall?

I like how Peach knows exactly what's going on, while Rolling Thwomp is clueless.

...You're not Dimentio... this is worse than I thought.

Good question. Why are you coming personally, when this is something you have ordered your minions not to bother with?

Tippi: ...Count Bleck?!
Bowser: Who's the creepy clown with the cape... Count Bleck!

Bowser, of course, dismisses him, but Tippi... seems a bit more taken aback.

...I hope there's more to your arrival than monologuing.

...I mean, if you're going to be here, we might as well question your motives. Wile away the time until doomsday.

That is not a reason. Well, OK, it's sort of a reason, but... we're gonna need a bit more.

Mostly because it's so repugnant as to need its own explanation.

...Now that's odd. Tippi is speaking to Bleck instead of the Hero, of course, but something that many RPGs don't bother with is... the villain speaking directly to the one who talked? When a villain addresses a specific member of the party as opposed to the party as a group, that usually means... the two have a connection?

Tippi makes this standard point, and there's not a whole lot to say about it, other than perhaps Tippi's dismissiveness towards a large chunk of the characters we've met in her Tattles not really fitting with the assertion that she wants to save every soul. Like, obviously, she's a hero, she's supposed to think that, but also she doesn't really care for some of the Cragnons...

Oh, a nihilist.

...Now that's a line to change your impression of the story. This dynamic is going to shake up how we think of Count Bleck, but also we're not exactly going to bump into the man himself much after this.

At any rate, he considers that far too much personal information to give up right now and declares he's going to leave us with some taunting.

King Sammer, you better march your royal ass down here at once.

Tippi grappling with a few questions in the back.

OK, as dramatic as that scene was, I am a sucker for jokes where the punchline is the word "again". Nearly any situation can be made funnier by implying this is not the first time the absolutely ridiculous situation has happened.

We must march forward through the Sammer Kingdom, although notice how this Sammer Guy has placed his sword in the ground and is kneeling.

The Sammer Guys are now fully on board with the idea of us getting the Pure Heart and getting out of here. They know this isn't the time for us to finish the Duel of 100. How do they know? Not entirely sure, but it would've been nice to see that earlier, glares at the Sweaty Palm brothers.

That's Thrashing Prawn, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He loves butter... For some reason, he slathers it on everything...

You can still Tattle the Sammer Guys. Doesn't mean much, but it's there. Thrashing Prawn, aside from being another non-Mario joke, would also be the second user of sword beams- Crow Who Eats was the only one we'd fight here.

This one's a Mario joke, though. Paper Mario specifically, too.

Didn't stop you trying.

That's Thousand-Year Roar, one of King Sammer's famous Sammer Guys... He spends weekend mornings sipping coffee and quietly reading the paper...

I appreciate one of you screamers is taking care of your voice.

That's Unshy Guy, one of King Sammer's famous Sammer Guys... He makes piles of coins making appearances on the Sammer lecture circuit...

Must be nice, to not be shy. This guy is based on Shy Guy, only... not Shy.

~~Ah, you must be Runaway Pay.~~

That's Useless Badge, one of King Sammer's famous Sammer Guys... He doesn't seem to think much of his own abilities...

Every Badge has its place, although right now, that place is "not in my way".

This guy is another Mario joke, this time based on the flooding of Delfino Plaza that inexplicably happens in Super Mario Sunshine. Most of his quotes are based on just the idea of cleaning, the core mechanic of Sunshine. Since he's the 25th opponent, he gets the ornate white armour marking him as someone of rank, and his stats would actually reflect that.

That's Sunshine Flood, one of King Sammer's famous Sammer Guys... He's obsessed about cleaning. You should see his kitchen...

But that's a battle for another time.

This is something that would've happened regardless with the way the Sammer Kingdom works- 25 battles happen in each of the four chapter parts.

With The Void encompassing the entire sky, the end of the world was at hand. The pressure was on for the heroes to find all the remaining Pure Hearts. Would regal King Sammer be willing to part with his most precious treasure? Leaving an army of Sammer Guys in his wake, Mario stepped into the palace...

...The game says we made it to the palace, but actually we're still going to wind up at the 26th Gate.

Something's telling me we're not making it to 6-4.

Fortunately, King Sammer made it up to see us.

...Did they mention the bit with Bleck or something?

Tippi: King Sammer, we're sort of in a hurry, here. The Pure Heart, please...
Bowser: Your ancestors want you to shut up already and fork over the Pure Heart!

Yeah, unironically, I'm with Bowser here. There is no time, you will hand over your Pure Heart or your game will be over. This isn't a threat.

I haven't ruled out the possibility of ending your game regardless.

That's King Sammer, regal monarch of the great Sammer Kingdom... Due to the "emergency," he came to deliver the Pure Heart himself...

...Something's up here, Tippi.

Ah.

What are you playing at, Sammer?

(I wish the explosion did turn us black with soot as a joke, if only to see what Peach looks like like that. Mario and Bowser get explosion faces all the time.)

...You can teleport? Seems weird to start now...

Also, you are starting to sound a bit like a teenage girl...

For the first and last time in the game, the player was fooled by a Mimi disguise. (Well, OK, her being O'Chunks in her intro, maybe). You kinda forget shapeshifters can do that when they're mostly used for teenage girl jokes. Cue Mimi the Copycat.

On the subject of Mimi's shifting wardrobe, Mimi's dress for Chapter 6 is probably not a kimono (if only because it spreads out like all her other skirts), but I am fairly sure that is a familiar style in the theming of Sammer Kingdom. In addition to being a nice case of her dressing for the destination, it's also the prettiest of her designs, in my opinion. Nice that she gets her best look in one of her best scenes.

...Yes. Again, he hands it over or he dies.

The way she says this kinda implies that she had a hand in making him that way. If she did, that also probably means the King Sammer we saw with the Pure Heart earlier was also Mimi, which kinda means Mimi's trick is the reason the 20 Sammer Guys who challenged us did so. If the real King Sammer had been involved, would he have done things correctly and handed over the Pure Heart immediately, or would he have ordered us to do the Duel of 100 anyway? The fact that the Sammer Guys didn't question it until Bleck showed up hints the latter, but the fact they realise their mistake and stop fighting us is evidence for the former.

Tippi: Mimi... time is of the essence. Stay out of our way.
Bowser: Outta the way, pigtails!

Mimi's got a point, you three. What, did you think turning into King Sammer and playing with our expectations on whether we'd get the Pure Heart was for fun? ...OK, Mimi probably did find it fun.

Mimi's choice of words probably reflects her resentment to the Count for telling her to stay home and let us make our way to him. She's not soft like the count- she will come personally and make sure we don't live to fight him in the Void so his plans can come to fruition.

That’s Mimi, Count Bleck’s shape-shifting minion... Max HP is 25 and Attack is 2. She has many creative Rubee attacks... But it’s easy to guard against them with Peach’s parasol... Then wait for an opening! Remember, you can use Thoreau to toss her precious Rubees back at her... If you hit her enough, she’ll flip, so flip after her...

Mimi is a bit of a tricky battle to place. 25 HP is not a lot- if you have even 9 Atk, you three shot her with Peach, and 7 Atk is enough for Bowser to manage a two-shot. She makes herself very hard to hit on the head with her Rubee shield, but if you use Thoreau, she's easy to deal damage to. And Thoreau does just as well.

Mimi's real battle theme, I'm Not Nice, plays for her encounter here in Chapter 6. In addition to sounding more like a battle theme than Mimi Battle, it's also one of my favourite of the boss themes in the whole game.

She likes to swoop around with her Rubee shield, and those things can hurt when they hit you.

And the whole "you have to jump up these stairs" makes it annoying when the fight gets to them.

Drank another healing item, even. Although I am running at a bit of a surplus...

Where's "I'm not cute and cuddly like the Count" now?

Mimi isn't all that fussed about having not succeeded at stopping us here and now, though.

By the way, there's no music for this scene but the slight ambient noises the Void is making.

Because right now, the deck is stacked in her favour.

...You're pushing it with a tiny HP value of 25, Mimi. But yes, that entire battle was a gigantic waste of time. And we don't have very much of that.

...We can't. Because somebody made it so not having one was a lose condition. Glares at Ancients.

I'm not defending this lot. They really have been that dumb.

The Count also didn't taunt us that much about how hopeless the situation was- he did mention it, but in a grand "this is how it is" way and not in a "ha ha you're so worthless" way like Mimi is. Children really are so cruel.

Mimi's going to leave and exist somewhere else.

And we are going to slam on the Dashell and get the hell to King Sammer and the Pure Heart and oh god where did Mimi put that she was the last one we saw with it-

(The Sammer Kingdom theme is playing as we make our final run.)

Somewhat weirdly, the Sammer Guy we meet in the next gate is the one would meet 26th normally. Mimi has inserted herself in between Sunshine Flood and Grand Master Kickface.

That's Grand Master Kickface, one of King Sammer's great Sammer Guys... Recent events have left him in utter shock...

These rooms seem, in general, to be slightly different from the rooms where we would fight these Sammer Guys normally, and Tippi gives different Tattles to match. Probably because of the extra room.

That's Soaring Cape, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... He looks so sad...

Soaring Cape is a reference to the Cape Feather and... it's gotten serious. They're not even giving their speeches anymore.

That's Yowling Yux, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... Neither of us has the time for this... Let's get moving!

That's Mystical Whistle, one of King Sammer's legendary Sammer Guys... Stop wasting time... Let's go!

Or their names. Yeah, uh...

We're screwed.

This Sammer Guy is known as Laughing X-Naut. His miserable laughing may be taken as a traumatic response, but really it's just his gimmick. In entirely the wrong context.