With a bold quiver of his magnificent mustache, Mario let loose a hearty sneeze. A single grain of sand had flown along the warm wind and tickled the hero's nose. It wasn't long before Mario and Tippi found the source of the sand: the Yold Desert. Along the endless, sunbaked expanse, Mario and Tippi continued their search...
Watchitt: "I warned you about the grit."
Now then, we had the rocky desert level, time for the sandy desert level! Now containing... zero Pokeys? What's the point of a desert level if there aren't any Pokeys?
Now then, we have a massive desert to explore to find some ruins, and this time we're not getting any help from Moustafa. Fortunately, there are only two directions to explore.
...Well, do keep an eye out for the third dimension.
This isn't particularly clear, but there is something important to note now that we're using Thoreau in actual practical situations: If Mario is holding a 2D enemy (like this Squiglet), changes his dimension, and throws it, the enemy will stay in whatever dimension it now occupies. There are some enemies (none of whom we have met yet) who don't care about whether they're in 2D or 3D, but 2D enemies will be the most common. Remember that 2D enemies can only hurt you if you're in the same dimension as them.
New pickup! Speed Flowers will make you move around faster, making it trickier to platform, but anything you collect with get a x3 multiplier. Grab one and make an enemy combo to see your EXP fly!
That's a Zombie Shroom. It is an evil shroom monster that comes out of ? Blocks... Max HP is 1. Attack is 2. It can move very fast in a limited area... But it has low HP, so you can take it out...
Some Mushrooms will turn out to be evil mushrooms. They don't actually chase you, just run back and forth really fast like a Metal Slime. It is worth 300 points to bop and usually gives out a ton of cash, too.
Actual healing!
...Dammit, these were 3D blocks.
Oh well, better proof of concept of carrying this guy into the second dimension.
That's a Bald Cleft. You might confuse this rock-hard foe with a rock... Max HP is 2, Attack is 1, Defense is 2. Flames won't scorch this foe... Set off an explosion near it to flip it over. Then it'll be vulnerable to attack...
...We don't have any explosions. For now, we're going to be limited to throwing this guy at other Bald Clefts.
Like that guy.
With this and an Atk up from a level up, we'll be able to oneshot Squig.
This nasty little guy needs to learn some manners. It spits rocks at people! Honestly, who does that?
Judgemental little card, aren't we?
This Boomboxer blasts cones of pure sound at anyone it doesn't like... Max HP is 4 and Attack is 2. It gets startled by its own loud noises... What would drive a music lover to listen to anything that loud...
Ah, there's our friend Boomboxer. Same bulk as Squig, so he'll be easy to deal with at level 3.
And there's that goofy expression we were promised. Boomboxers blast deadly sound waves, but haven't thought their plan through and are not actually immune to their own music. This doesn't translate into mechanical damage, but it certainly looks unpleasant and I sure wouldn't want to be them. These sounds waves, incidentally, pass through walls and all obstacles, only disappearing once they have reached the edge of the screen.
Let's put him out of his misery.
Aw, that's a pretty cute enemy. Seems easy to beat, though, I mean-
This dragonlike monster is a Jawbus. They tend to bite anything near them... Max HP is 5 and Attack is 1. Its only weakness is the glowing spot on its back... It won't look behind, so try flipping 3-D and sneaking behind it...
That explains a lot. Jawbus's neck can stretch a great distance to prevent you from jumping over it, but flipping into 3D is the tried and true way of getting a back attack. Later attacking methods will deal damage "through" the body and hit the tail, or if geography permits, you can also let the Jawbus turn around by hitting the end of the available path. (That cliff leading into the sand is an example.) You will need to be careful using this plan, but later on, that can help you in a pinch.
For now, we can just doink.
That's a Cherbil. It's a nasty gasbag that spews a plume of sleepy gas... Max HP is 5. Attack is 2. That gas will put you to sleep, so don't go sniffing it... Some say the gas comes from their mouths. Some say it comes from elsewhere... ...Oh, dear...
Real mature, guys. Cherbils, er "spit" slow-moving projectiles that hang around for a long time. When you touch them, you are afflicted by a status- pink ones will put you to sleep. While asleep, you are given the task to shake the Wiimote to wake up, and enemies make move around to attack you. I think you have to wake up through shaking- although Cherbils themselves won't try too hard to donk you.
...Well, that didn't work how I thought it would.
It's a Goomba, one of Bowser's minions...Max HP 1, Attack 1. It really puts the "under" back in "underlings"... It has no remarkable traits... Well, except this one has the ability to flip between dimensions... But I hear Goombas do have their fans, so what can you do...
That Goomba has a cutout outline! Any enemy with this is not particularly special, but if you flip between dimensions, they will flip into the one that matches yours. Whether they will make use of their new dimension is another matter, but it is impossible to get away from these guys. They're still much easier to avoid in 3D, though.
If the enemy is standing on a platform that exists only in one dimension, flipping will knock them down to the lowest floor that exists in both. This usually comes in handy.
Why can't I find something to kill this guy on?
...Combo move!
Freebie.
This is an item we don't have yet! The Catch Card will attempt to turn an enemy into a Catch Card, and is the most reliable way to specifically target an enemy who does not have a freebie card somewhere and add it to your collection. There are two kinds, and this is the weaker variety- although I can't tell you what the odds are for either one. I've heard suggestions that your Score may impact your success rate.
Well, so much for him. He's lost to us now.
Right, this pointy rock is actually an arrow pointing to a secret path in 3D, so let's see what lies at the other end.
...I can't read it.
Probably because I'm holding something. Mario is great at reading.
He dropped an item!
Helpful directions. To what, less clear, but it is, at least, direct instructions. Also, little hard to run circles around it in 2D.
We do have to walk back to the red tree, of course. If you knew to jump there, you could do so immediately. A lot of the worst stuff in the opening is mitigated by being skipped on repeat playthroughs.
Also, time for me to show a bit of a cool trick:
When you have these long 3D paths, you will always snap to the "default" side of the room no matter how far along the path you are. Which means that the difference between this shot and the last one was me flipping into 2D, not walking the whole thing.
Jumping jacks, hit 'em! 1, 2, 3, 4! 1, 2, 3, 4!
More desert behind this door.
And more of this nonsense. Did there have to be three of them?
Got you now, Zombie Shroom!
...Oh.
This is a big pit of sand to cross, and the way over is with some 3D movement.
This puzzle, right here, is probably the moment you notice that Thoreau is as close to Kooper as they can get in a 2D platformer like this.
You can bet, if the first partner was a Koopa Troopa, they'd have exactly this puzzle too.
Oh joy, the reward for that puzzle was another one of these long and boring flipping segments.
To add insult to injury, this is where you come out. Speedrunners can use a weird little combination of "taking damage in 3D" and carrying an enemy over with Thoreau to get the, like, one block of extra height you need to make this jump.
(There's quicksand in the space between the start of the flipping and here. Without it, you could probably jump this high.)
It's a Spiked Goomba. Look at that spiky hat! Max HP is 1. Attack is 2. That spiky hat makes stomping it or picking it up a very bad idea... I would recommend throwing something at it... Or you could just walk on by...
Spiked Goomba making its return as the introduction of spiky enemies over here in 3D. Now, the game has ways to deal with him later.
But unless you have some ammunition at the ready, we can't deal with this one. Maybe a Catch Card.
Let's look for secrets up here.
...There's gotta be something in 3D here.
Well, the bottom blocks were fine, but there's a bunch of 3D-only blocks here.
And an invisible Coin Block here. The Coin Blocks have a marker in the third dimension, but are coin Blocks in all dimensions.
Even with Mushrooms having been buffed to 10 HP, SPM still progresses too fast, and we get Super Shroom pickups for 20 HP as early as Chapter 1. It'll be a while longer before we get Super Shroom Shakes, though.
Another instance of levelling up from an item pickup. (Mario's hands are over his head because I was being smart and picking it up with Thoreau.)
Enter this room, and someone starts screaming at us randomly.
Yeah, I feel like that is the appropriate reaction.
O'Chunks has appeared in person. As previously mentioned, Team Bleck is a far more active villainous presence in the story, and we'll fight all three of them multiple times. Well, Dimentio is more fond of fighting us indirectly, but he's there.
When O'Chunks has the spotlight, his cutscene them is O'Chunks, Warrior. Despite the dramatic title, you can tell he's the comic relief of the trio.
O'Chunks yells at this door, and it runs away scared.
I'm not entirely sure what Tippi is getting from this exchange, but O'Chunks sees no opsec reasons to deny it, and honestly, I don't either. It doesn't matter who gets in our way, all delays benefit the Count.
Dramatic pose, complete with finger waggle.
Well, OK, not even "doesn't hide it", he brags about it. He looks up to the Count above all others.
And if we're getting in his way, then that's our problem.
...That was a mistake? I would not have batted an eye.
O'Chunks even goes "...Wait, why am I worried about this?". I guess Mario was trying for the psychological warfare.
Tippi tries appealing to his sense of reason. Or, well, the fact that anyone who fights for the Count without question probably doesn't entirely realise they're fighting for their own destruction.
Bleck's fed him the alternative story that this destruction is to restore the world to a state where it can be fixed.
No luck there.
I... is it really necessary? I mean, it's good practice, but usually observing a boss's attacks is better than having them described.
Yeah, I was starting to get bored of exposition too.
That's O'Chunks. He's a big, bearded warrior of a man... Max HP is 20 and Attack is 1. He can grab you by the feet and hurl you... If you're in reach, he'll toss you, so keep your distance... But you can turn the tables on him and use Thoreau to send him flying...
O'Chunks is about as straightforward as one can get as a boss. He'll run and jump around to try and hit you with his massive body, while keeping his head protected from your own jumps. If you stand too close to him, he can grab you and throw you around, but this attack isn't anything special mechanically. Grabbing him with Thoreau allows you to carry him around (even to the third dimension, which he won't otherwise visit), and when you throw him the usual distance, he cries and stays vulnerable long enough for a quick bop.
O'Chunks's battle theme is Ready, Go!, probably the most disappointing of the boss themes in the game. Mostly because it seems to be trying to turn that comic relief theme into a boss fight and only has so much to work with.
This dash attack looks exactly like Wario's from Wario Land. I'm not sure if this was an intentional reference, or what we're meant to make of it if it is, but it's not like O'Chunks is a million miles away from Wario in some of his other mannerisms.
The Thoreau tactic. He's an easy enough boss as it is.
At any rate, it is obligatory to get hit by O'Chunks's grab attack at least once.
You get thrown around the screen like a pinball while O'Chunks beats his chest, despite the fact the boss arena is a bit wider than the screen is.
O'Chunks then performs a goofy taunt as a pose. You do not have control of Mario until it is over.
Meanwhile, when I do it, I get punished.
Another goofy pose. Chunks has a few of these to throw out, and he's just enjoyable enough to listen to that you might feel willing to let him get a few licks in just to see his taunts. The boss fight is so easy otherwise that it's not that much fun to go damageless.
After ten bonks (seven if you made it to level 5), Chunks waves a white flag. On one hand, most platforming bosses are harder to hit than Chunks. On the other hand, this a long way from "three bonks and yer done" that Mario has determined to be the tried and true number. Could Mario's bosses stand to be longer? I dunno. But this might've been an overcorrection.
Oh yeah, and rest assured, the less the game knows about what our damage output is likely to be, the less likely the boss scaling will be set correctly. Woe betide anyone who didn't make it to level 3 before this fight and has to bonk him 20 times.
To be at least somewhat fair to the game as a whole, even O'Chunks is aware he was an easy boss.
...Well, thank you, Tippi, now we can't use that as a secret.
The way I say it, "Maria" and "Mario" sound very different. I've seen someone who voiced this line intentionally give Chunks a very accented way of saying "Maria" to make it sound more reasonable he's just misheard Tippi, but I'm not sure if this is an actual Scottish thing or just the actor adjusting the accent to match the line.
Despite Tippi's protests, O'Chunks still thinks our name is Maria. I don't think they follow up on this joke, and they really shouldn't have made it in the first place.
To salvage his ego, he declares he was going easy on us and runs away with his tail between his legs before he has to back up this assertion that he would've won if he tried harder.
Funny you should phrase it that way.
I... think moustache wax is a healthcare routine and not a vanity routine? You can tell how much I deal with staches.
Now to go come up with a story for his bosses.
And he farts away. The sound effect used is just close enough that I feel that is what you were supposed to think. This is the other point of comparison to Wario.
The doors jump back here, now that the angry Scottish clansman is no longer yelling. Of course, I happen to not be too close to either. You can see the exit door over there.
...Did you not? I have no idea what part of O'Chunks' speech was supposed to be incomprehensible.
Back to adventure, then.
Heading to the left, we can find a freebie Ghost Shroom. This ominous little guy can be used as a friendly version of Zombie Shroom, following you around and om-nom-noming any enemies it runs into for a limited time. It has some issues with verticality, but come on. It's a Pac-Man Mushroom you can keep as a pet! (It even sorta works through door transitions.)
Behind the door on the left, we have...
Another one of these pedestals.
OK, another thing to find. Although no directions to the place, just directions to what to do when we're there.
OK, this is a bit of a clever puzzle, in the context of the world, but I disagree with the wording.
The text we read in 2D is the text that appears on the front of the statue, with the secret text being the text on the side of the statue that we must go to 3D to read. And yet, I was like "hey, the front-facing side is the more difficult side to see in 2D, that one must be the secret side."
They were probably doomed either way.
In normal gameplay, the Minus button is used to bring up an infographic on the game's controls. This is the only point in the game you need to push the button to proceed.
That's an Ice Cherbil. It's a nasty gasbag that spews a plume of freezy gas... Max HP is 5. Attack is 2. That gas will freeze you, so don't go sniffing it... Some say the gas come from their mouths. Some say it comes from elsewhere... Oh, dear...
Ice Cherbils are distinct from the adjective-less pink variety, but aside from the element of choice, I don't think these guys are distinct at all. I mean, obviously, their bulk is identical, but Freeze and Sleep do not feel like distinct status ailments. I'm sure there's something, but in practice...
Anyway, we need to jump our way up here.
Looks like the blue pedestal wasn't too far off. Right, let's figure out what key I assigned the minus button to.
Looks like I did it right!
Oh hey, probably should've pointed him out. Whatever, he's here.
The dragon opens its mouth in the form of a sliding tile puzzle. Thankfully, this is a goofy animation and nothing more, I've always been terrible at these things.
The missing tile is the hinge on the dragon's top jaw. Now, I did just say I wasn't good at these things, but shouldn't the missing tile be the top left one with all that empty sky?
Into the dragon's maw we plunge, then!
Somehow, Mario had found the strength to cross the desert's sweltering dunes. Ahead was a sprawling complex of ruins rising out of the sand. Thankful for the shade, Mario and Tippi ventured deeper inside. They were the very ruins Old Man Watchitt had warned them about. What dangers lurked in the shady corridors ahead?
That does not sound promising.
...Hm. I wonder what this is referring to.
Anyway, time for Ye Olde Ruins, as distinguished from the shiny new ruins next door. The theme is clearly borrowing a few old riffs, but the actual melody is original enough that it doesn't come off the same way as, say, the New Super Mario Bros. games just recycling the old riffs.
Ooh, big, scary monster! Seriously, why is the Squiglet here?
This is a Buzzy Beetle... It's much tougher than it looks... Max HP is 1, Attack is 1, and Defense is 3. Even flames won't scorch its hard shell... Sometimes, they cling to the ceiling and drop down on your head when you walk by... Not very friendly, Buzzy... Shame on you...
Hey, lay off Buzzy Beetle! They're adorable, and they're doing their jobs. Buzzy won't try to launch any Shell Tosses your way, feel free to use them as ammunition. And bring an umbrella.
This is probably my weirdest plan. I'm not sure why I picked Buzzy to use this on. Probably to break past its Defences sooner.
It didn't take. Probably for the best: There's a freebie card for Buzzy Beetle. That Spiked Goomba in 1-3 might be your best target for this.
Time to throw Buzzy Beetles at each other! So much power! I love Thoreau.
That is a Fire Bar. Don't touch it, or you'll get burned...
The nice thing about being able to Tattle anything you can click on is that you can also see the names. Tippi doesn't have that much to say about it, though.
There was a mushroom in there, but it fell into the sand. Dammit.
3D is a little barren for now, but hey, you've always got to check. There's one Buzzy back there, though.
Please insert your favourite tune for finding a treasure chest and building up that moment of discovery.
That's going in the inventory as emergency rations and never leaving.
...Poor guy. Killing him might've been more humane.
That's a lot of firebars to clear. Now's a good time to mention they're not in the way in 3D, I just wanted to humour the game this time.
A locked door and a door too high up to enter. This could pose a-
Ah, never mind, there's some of those.
This is a flip block. It will change dimensions as it rotates... It might just help you get somewhere...
If you hit a Flip Block, it will change dimensions. I don't think the game ever puts some in 2D and expects you to flip them into 3D to solve a puzzle: It's always this way around. Probably because it's so much easier to design this way.
Try not to think of how this works. We are walking over nothing to go into this door.
It's a Spiky Tromp. For some reason, it enjoys rolling left and right all day...You can't beat it... You can only avoid it... It will move until it hits a wall, then it will come right back at you...
Not to be confused with the Spiny Tromp, the Spiky Tromp is just sentient enough to maintain perpetual motion back and forward, although it will plod along at a pretty slow pace. Of all the round Thwomps later on in the series, Grrrol usually acts like these ones, complete with appearing in the castles (close enough to ruins, right?).
They only do one damage.
Well, that was quick.
Does anything exist in 3D in this Chapter?
Over in here, we've got a Spiky Tromp proving it can crush whatever puny Buzzy Beetles you throw at it. When Tippi tells you no, she means no.
And here we see the first of many instances where the 3D camera proves... less than adequate. It has one position, and if something's there, well, that's your problem now.
Block here for you to use as a stepping stone to the top door. I don't think you need it, that jump looks plenty doable with Mario's gravity.
There's a pipe of infinitely spawning Squiglets on top of that ladder, to make sure you can throw one at this switch. On top of repeating an earlier puzzle, I think this one is actually easier because of the higher roof.
...Not opening the lock, though.
Just revealing the hidden key.
Pointless Tippi Functionality Room #2.
This little guy is built to withstand anything. Even a Muth stampede wouldn't flatten it... Probably.
Muths are enemies we'll find later. This would absolutely suck to find if I got that successful Catch Card. On the other hand, triple Buzzy Beetle damage...
Not like it really matters.
Uh huh.
Tried flipping into 2D in the middle of the walk back. Looks like the game did not approve.
Like many RPGs, Super Paper Mario has a system where, when you are at low health, the interface will scream at you about it. In the RPGs, this was the Danger status, occurred only at 5 HP, and entering the status provided other benefits. In this game, Danger is meaningless outside constantly getting the alarm bells, and the more HP you have, the earlier the Danger alarm kicks in. By the end of the game, we'll be getting Danger alarms with what we're currently calling "full health".
Get used to the Danger alarm, is what I'm saying.
This is a grossly inappropriate reaction unless you have no healing items whatsoever and are surrounded by enemies.
If you find yourself in this situation, it's probably more of a skill issue than a difficulty one. SPM's hardest segments don't allow you to use the Return Pipe.
Wandering over here, we can find what appears to be a key inside a box.
But is actually a secret room with a key in the side pocket. I feel like there should be more of a twist to the puzzle, but you already know entering 3D is the solution, and doing so reveals the whole setup. It's a cute subversion, but I was kind of expecting the game to make you jump into the box and then notice the key isn't in there.
They do try their best to hide it, but it's still pretty obvious, and also easier to do than the jump into the blocks.
Behind the locked door, we have a spring up to... another door we can't open.
The solution to move on is to flip into 3D and spot a ladder. I'm not 100% certain there's any clues to this, and I remember getting (somewhat) lost when, later in the game, we will also be tasked with flipping into 3D. In my defence, that was on the revisit to the level, and a lot more paths were open to me than the ones the level was originally designed for.
There's a little switch up here to hit. No, you don't need to hit it with Thoreau, I just choose to.
We will need to stand on this one, though.
And we will need to do it fast, because they have thrown Spiky Tromps at us to tell us this space is no longer our friend.
How many Spiky Tromps?
All of them. They're still 2D, but we're not even safe in 3D!
Save us, magic button!
Perfect. ...So where did they go?
They're completely harmless now. Although we're not getting out the way we came in...
Can't even Tattle them.
Four switches... wait, was I supposed to find the order to hit them somewhere?
Oh, right.
Hitting the switches spawns the staircase to...
A save block, a full heal, and a pipe leading up.
I think we've found our climactic moment.
(Surprisingly, leaving the pipe switches from Yold Ruins' theme to the old desert theme, until you walk into the cutscene trigger).
I believe this is the first time we are seeing one of these double-octagon textboxes in this game. Like in TTYD, this means the speech is mechanical.
This guys is so gigantic that one click-and-drag box cannot contain him, so he gets five of the the things. And, to show off, he does a roaring animation before he resumes speaking, purely to show that the body does, in fact, go deeper into the desert sands than just the parts that are now visible.
(Apparently, the fact that his head is cut off by the box is a consequence of playing the game in widescreen. There is an explanation for how, but I don't get it.
A robot dragon guards these ruins, rather than a biological one. I was tempted to make a comment on this, but the more I considered it, the more I realised this is more of a pattern than it seemed at first glance. The game's computer graphics aesthetic has bled into the boss design, although as a pattern, this is largely not that noticeable because of how much Team Bleck sways the numbers.
The robot pauses in his ominous warnings to take a closer look at the intruder he is yelling at.
I'd make a joke about this underrating Mario's Stache stat from the Mario & Luigi games, but the highest your "Stache level" could get in BIS's shop discounts (which has the closest comparison numerically) was 3. And that was with Mario and Luigi teaming up to wow those lip-hair lovers. I think we can take this as a compliment.
It turns out even long-lived techno dragons can identify (and doubt) the existence of the Legendary Hero.
This is a joke that has not aged well. The symbol his eye has turned into is the loading icon used when you're attempting to connect the Wii Shop Channel to the internet.
I understand the Wii Shop Channel is being maintained by hobbyists, but that goes from "cute, even if not every Wii user was going to fiddle around in there" to "you have to have a dedication to homebrew and official hardware to even be able to see the source of the reference", and at that point it's probably easier to bypass the reason to see this loading icon anyway. If the Wii Shop Channel as the hobbyists present it even still has this. I'm not 100% certain it would.
Fortunately, since this game is made with 2007 clip art, the dragon is still able to log on to 2007 Wii Shop Channel servers and access the information he requested access to.
Fracktail here was built to keep out "intruders" from the Pure Heart he is guarding, but he was programmed with a) knowledge of who the true Hero is and b) the routine to not kill him and let him get on with things when he showed up.
Really, you have to feel bad about every time you come across an ancient guardian left to guard a treasure in ruins outside of this: They attack you, which means they see you as a threat, and in many cases, you were. The best examples of these are the ones where you do have good reason to take the treasure, but you are dealing with problems that the ancient creators couldn't have foreseen- Fracktail's creators knew exactly where, when and why the Pure Heart would need to be taken and could plan accordingly. The worst examples are when no justification is given other than you are an adventurer and you want the shiny thing.
...Wait, thousands of years? The Pixls were only waiting for us for one thousand (and a half) years. Just how many millennia ahead of time was this Chaos Heart prophecy understood?
Now then, I was saying about a boss fight?
*And how was I not informed you were here?*
Ah yes, Dimentio did say he was going to spectate. And he knows O'Chunks didn't stop us. So... why leave without adding his own contributions?
Dimentio's theme, Charming Magician, has usurped Fracktail's. It's a theme that suits him quite well: Sounds like it belongs in a circus, theatre, stage magician act, and mystery novel all at once.
The title "pleaser of crowds" was written with the fact that Dimentio's design is evocative of multiple kinds of stage performers in mind, although it certainly goes without saying that Dimentio has become the fan favourite original character of SPM, and it is 100% in-character for Dimentio to be fully aware of that.
Tippi expresses recognition on first encountering Dimentio, a plot thread that does not get followed up on. Unlike other instances of such comments I have made, this seems like a genuine attempt to be a part of the big picture story. There are multiple good reasons Tippi might have for knowing something about Dimentio's whole deal, but one is never chosen as the reason, and honestly, the two characters are surprisingly hard to catch in the same room.
Dimentio doesn't want to get his own hands dirty this time, and so decides you know what, Fracktail's got this one covered.
But apparently he needs to work on his villain one-liners. If you need two full textboxes, it's not a one-liner anymore.
Dimentio's fondness for saying "Ciao" as he leaves is personal to him, and probably the most office-like quality any character who is not Nastasia expresses in Team Bleck. I wonder if he does it to poke at Nastasia's detachment from reality. He's definitely poking at something.
He fried Fracktail's circuits, I don't think you need to think too hard on that one.
The music that plays now Dimentio has left is the game's "danger theme", One Shot. It's a pretty neat danger theme, although it doesn't get used quite as much as it feels like.
"I AM ERROR." is a famous early internet meme, one of many this game slips in- this one, at least, started life with Nintendo. The line first appeared in the The Legend of Zelda II: Adventure of Link, where one generic NPC in the town of Ruto would say that and nothing else- the way it was formatted made it look like the game was displaying an actual error message or, more likely, the line was mistranslated (an accusation that could be levelled at roughly 75% of NES textboxes). No, the line is not mistranslated: His name is Error, and he is informing you of that fact. (There is another NPC named "Bug" with a recoloured version of Error's sprite, with their names indicating a relationship, but Bug's name was mistranslated as "Bagu").
Later in the game, you would be directed to "Ask Error of Ruto about the palace", at which point Error would instead tell you "South of Kings Tomb in Mido is a tunnel", a gameplay clue explaining how to enter the third dungeon. Presumably, the developers were asking the player to remember meeting Error in Ruto and know where to go as a result. Adventure of Link is an infamously difficult game, and with so many in-game clues that were supposed to be helpful instead becoming particularly cryptic due to bad translations and space limitations, very few players learned how to progress in the game from the NPCs themselves, and so Error's gameplay functionality became far less widespread than the one line many gamers ever bothered to hear him say.
As such, any joke about "I am Error" is going to be talking about technical difficulties, in-universe or out. Nintendo has made "I am Error" their custom error message for website issues multiple times before and after this game, and an NES historian even named a book after it.
Now this is something anyone who's ever dealt with computers in the 2000s is going to feel. Remember when computers had disc slots?
Where is your disc slot, anyway?
One of those sounds much worse than the other.
In the era of autosaves... this is still an issue, because people either don't have it turned on or don't ensure that it's been working as promised. You can also still lose data in a sudden crash if the autosave hasn't procced since the last time you stopped typing.
(By the way, these dialogue boxes have been automatically advancing. If you're attempting to read along at home, you might notice that you miss the last little bit as the line finishes, is cleared and a new line is written. Especially if you're a slow reader.)
Oh dear, now we've got loose hamsters to deal with...
Jelly Roll 1, of course, being superceded only by Swiss Tart X.
Oh yeah, that whole "detonation imminent" thing. We should probably care about that.
I have not run enough any C:/ run instructions to know if these are a) accurate to the experience of attempting to run C:/ code or b) the actual text that would be printed if it did.
The number two solution to all your technical hiccups. The number one solution, of course, being to turn it off and on again.
Fracktail dives back into the sands...
But is quick to burst out with his battle theme. The bosses outside Team Bleck don't get song titles, but Fracktail's theme is amazing for a first boss theme. It's hard to decisively say "best Chapter 1 boss in the trilogy", since any comparison of such inherently puts it in competition with Attack on the Koopa Bros, but spiritually, I agree with that assertion.
Fracktail will spend a long time in a position of both sides being unable to affect the other, but you are able to Tattle him while he's flying overhead. Although strangely, the game has registered multiple segments of him as being different targets.
That's Fracktail, the robotic guardian of the Pure Heart. It's quite enormous... Max HP is ??, Attack is 1. It can fly and swoop down with its big open mouth... But I think the antenna-like horn atop its head is its weak spot... I think you're going to need to use Thoreau to hit it...
...Just 1 Atk? He's a boss, I feel like his bite should do at least 2! Fracktail is a boss fight that challenges you on the two techniques you learned during this chapter (3D flipping and Thoreau tossing), an excellent quality in a boss, but not something this game is in the habit of. Honestly, it feels less like an extension of the platforming and more like the most creative boss one can make with the limited toolkit we have.
In both this game and his trophy in Smash Bros, Fracktail has assets for loading a palm tree on his head instead of an antenna. Presumably a remnant of him bursting from the sands directly after being disguised as one, although I think the comedy of having five windows open is better than the burst. Especially since the antenna is also his weakness.
Fracktail swirls around in the background, before charging at your current position.
He hasn't truly committed to his position until he hits. If you're moving, you'll be fine. Make sure you still have room to move when he hits.
Fracktail flies overhead next, preparing for the big attack.
And Tippi even gives you the appropriate heads up.
Fracktail will sweep against the bottom of the screen like a Pac-Man, and in 2D, there's not much to do.
In 3D, though?
Welcome to the top of Fracktail!
That's a Frackle. These little defense bots protect Fracktail's body... Max HP is 1. Attack is 1. They will attack any intruder they find on their master. They must have been made by the Ancients, just like Fracktail...
Fracktail's massive spinal column is infested with Fracktail's little body-cleaners, the Frackles. They won't attack, although they will try and walk up to you and in general make your personal space a terrible place to be.
The point of them is to throw them at Fracktail's antenna to do damage.
Three Frackles are enough to get Fracktail to react.
By ascending into the sky, turning his back into a slope and trying to shake you off.
Specifically, he's doing a somersault, and after he's done, he turns back into his natural flying state. It is totally possible, through precise jumping (and possibly help from a 3D boost) to land on his head.
I did not. You have to sit through the whole Fracktail phase before you can go back to throwing Frackles if you fall off. Considering how unintentional landing back on feels, I hope this wasn't what the boss fight was supposed to feel like.
3D Frackles! They are 3D, but there's little point to existing in 3D on the back except to try and land the jump.
MADE IT! Glad I could do it once against Fracktail.
When Fracktail calls "System Crash!", you've won.
Now that we've induced... some kind of reboot, he comes to his senses and apologise for any harm he might have caused while not under his own control. Depending on what Dimentio did, you probably can't be blamed.
Assuming we survive this.
...Despite being a robot, it still breaks into bones. I'm not sure I want to know the implications of that.
Bye bye, random Frackle. One always falls here.
The door Fracktail guards appears.
This chamber is one of the few overworld locations to hear Soft Light, a song Pure Heart-giving cutscenes like to play. And, of course, the following cutscene would no doubt play it regardless of whether it was already on. It's a very relaxing tune, all right.
Once you pass a certain point in the room, a timer kicks in, and Merlumina will appear when that timer elapses.
Merlumina is a member of Merlon's tribe. They're called "descendants of the Ancients" in this game, but I think Merlumina is supposed to be an Ancient.
...But Fracktail said he was waiting thousands of years, plural? Maybe that was supposed to be centuries...
So guys, your prediction about doomsday came true. Thanks for the heads up, I suppose.
As a random aside, "Merlumina" and "Merlar" from 64 are intended to be the same character- or at least, as much the same character as 64 Merlon and SPM Merlon are. One or both of the games mistranslated her name- クリスタール is a "crystal Merlon" pun preserved in neither game.
Oh joy, listening to this. I'd really rather not...
Despite my earlier snark, it is incredibly important to note that the Ancients had little to do with creating the Dark Prognosticus. The book just... turned up one day.
And, well, when the otherwise-accurate chronicle of the future ends with "and then the world was utterly annihilated by a chaotic power"... you do get a tiny bit concerned, you know?
So they threw everything they had at it.
...I'm going to assume there was something in JP that didn't translate correctly here, because "pure love counters chaos" is a leap in logic I expected to have more of an explanation than that.
The Purity Heart was created with the sole purpose of undoing the catastrophe. Unlike the Star Spirits or Crystal Stars, they have no other powers than to prepare for their final use.
And, because "the one artifact that could prevent doomsday" was a terrible basis for a plan, split it up into eight pieces and made it that much harder to prevent. Although, with that said, "divide and conquer" works best when any one piece is a wincon on its own. From the sounds of things, the opposite situation has been engineered: we now have eight points of failure.
Yes. That is what happens when you entrust destiny in the hands of eight different cultures and trust each one has their own way of preserving a Very Important Artifact for 1500 years. I mean, we barely have a grasp on how to get that done on purpose within just one!
...By the way, that reference to Merlar was not actually random, but Merlumina has also brought back her random useless tangents about her personal life.
Unlike Merlar, I feel like this might actually have had something to do with the Purity Heart. One or both of these men might have been characters who have major roles in the plot of this game, for some reason or another. There is absolutely no indication this is anything but a waste of time.
Especially since the game cuts out any part of the speech that might possibly suggest such a connection. Mario doesn't know any of these proper nouns, and probably wouldn't recognise them even if she had said the names they are known by today.
Even Tippi fell asleep.
...Then again, it's not like she has been shown to be any less human than Mario.
Oh. Uh... that was the explanation of why the Purity Heart worked? You definitely started this story as "why the Pure Heart plan didn't go as we had in mind."
Me? I daresay I was reading between the lines more closely than you were.
Mario, though? I can only imagine what horrors refusing to listen to this have exposed us to.
Yes. I don't fully understand. I'm not sure a longer version of the story would fix the hole.
I can only assume the joke is that her exposition isn't internally consistent on top of being long and boring, because otherwise I lose faith in the one plan we have.
No pressure. No pressure at all.
With our first Pure Heart obtained, we get the proper extended version of the Pure Heart Get theme at last. I do ultimately think Crystal Star Get was better, but it's not exactly a wide margin.
Not the least because the Pixls you've gathered actually contribute to the gathering. OK, with just Thoreau, it doesn't look like much, but they have this cute little dance they do on the ground around you, before leaning in to laud the Pure Heart just as Mario is.
And that is Chapter Clear.
Before disappearing, Merlumina had entrusted Mario to save every world. She had waited 1,500 years to deliver the message to the legendary hero. With the second Pure Heart in hand, Mario was in great spirits. But six Pure Hearts still remained to be found, and the journey had just begun. With a flutter, Tippi said, "I think we'd better return to Flipside..." The weight of every world's fate once again rested on Mario's shoulders...
Just as it has always done.
Next time: A big shakeup to the dynamics seen thus far.
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