Today, our visit to the X-Naut Fortress begins by listening in on the Shadow Sirens being berated by Grodus.
The X-Nauts have had nothing to do with Chapter 3 and Grodus is growing impatient.
Beldam, meanwhile, needs to come up with a better plan, because the first one did not work out as she thought.
But she must do it before Mario opens the door and ruins the X-Nauts' hard work.
Here's hoping you can back that up.
Because Grodus sounds like he's not going to accept failure a second time.
And off they go, to ready themselves for another chapter of abuse played for comic relief!
The sisters are even less excited about the idea.
Peach has been left to her own devices- or not, she doesn't even have a GBA to pass the time. She's stuck on her progress on the next Great Mushroom Kingdom Novel, and goddammit, she can only redo her hair so many times.
The X-Nauts have not had any use for her. I think the way Peach's sentence ends implies she's worried they managed to get the drop on Mario.
And the door immediately opens for Peach to go and have her visit with TEC.
On one hand, they expect her to drop everything and tend to their whims.
On the other hand, Peach doesn't exactly have anything to drop.
TEC is at a bit of a crossroads, and needs input from Grodus to understand what they're going for.
Peach asks what the heck they expect her to do.
I don't believe we ever get an elaboration on this information. We do know what TEC wants to ask, but why they want to ask it is brushed aside. It's just important that they want to ask it now.
So why don't they already know it?
They're the main computer for the X-Naut Base facility, and they know everything important in their capacity to its upkeep. Grodus keeps some of the details of his secret plans separate from even that.
And now TEC wants to actively expand its information banks contrary to Grodus's desires. Look at you, asserting your independence as an entity.
Peach: "You do remember I'm a prisoner, right?"
TEC thought of that. Peach can dress up in an X-Naut uniform and ask him that way instead!
I think Grodus might actually be more likely to tell Peach what TEC wants to know than he would the X-Nauts.
They have utterly nailed the complete and utter contempt Peach has for this idea and the fact she's kinda been shanghaied into participating in it. Just that glare. This is TEC's story to tell, but Peach is well and truly a participant in it. Most of the whole "lack of agency" issues are more of her being stuck as a prisoner rather than simply being a doormat for TEC to walk over, like 64 Peach tended to be.
TEC, I think your sarcasm detector is out-of-date.
Peach decides she's got nothing better to do than to humour the computer.
No, we don't actually get to hear the question ahead of time. Don't know why.
Peach has opinions about the question, at least.
TEC opens up the elevator. Technically, I think they're the only thing stopping her from using it.
Up we go two floors. TEC said "one floor up", but everything interesting that happens in this fortress happens on B2F (with Peach's cellblock being B4F.)
He completely vanishes as soon as he goes off-screen. This is not a stealth section.
(Good thing the elevators have frosted glass!)
It would've been nice if they specified a direction.
...Hopefully it fits.
All the other X-Nauts have to as well. There may or may not be a resistance effort dedicated to destroying them.
"My legs are bending in ways that no human being should be forced to adopt... wait, where did my elbows go!?"
This is the equivalent to the Sneaky Parasol segment, which is a perfect excuse for us to not use it to solve every problem later.
We walk out, and immediately the hallway is swarming with X-Nauts to talk to.
Not that these ones want to talk to us. The red X-Nauts with black wrapping are the Elite X-Nauts.
And the X-Nauts in blue with clipboards are X-Naut PhDs, the scientists of the operation. They are also pretty elite, and of course they're just as snobbish as the Elites.
Any door with a red LED, of course, is locked. Presumably this isn't standard operation, just gameplay funneling. I can only imagine TEC has done this in-universe and the whole facility is wondering what the hell is going on.
The X-Naut is more polite.
...Although he's far more rude in another sense. Do the writers not understand Peach needs to- oh right, she has a shower this time. Not that I've used it since the first time, but it's something for Peach to do to pass the time. And cost the X-Nauts on their water bill.
The door we need is the one on the far right. And yes, it is right next to the locker room.
Sorry, Grodus, just going to check this door is actually locked. (It happens to lead to Grodus's personal study, and usually has a guard. I guess he's dismissed because the man himself is here.)
Hey everybody, lookit me! I'm Grodus, and I'm a big ugly alien robot who can't steal a map from a plumber! Oh no, I dropped my staff! How will I ever waddle down the stairs to pick it up?
Anyway, got that outta my system.
...That's TEC's question? It is, in fact, a good one. Although it speaks volumes about the fact TEC doesn't already have an idea of this. Why doesn't her imprisonment have an end date in their systems? That's, like, super relevant to base upkeep!
Peach apparently does a very poor impression of an X-Naut's voice. If they have uniform voices- I've always imagined them as sounding identical, but there's no reason for that to be the case.
Grodus doesn't think too weirdly of it.
That is not the question that was asked, nor does it answer the question that was.
That is not nearly as reassuring as it sounds.
Peach decides to ask the obvious follow-up question. If you won't even answer basic questions about what her imprisonment is for, why bother!? She's probably costing this place a fortune just to be kept existing!
Yeah, this plan was doomed to failure. Grodus doesn't tell his X-Nauts anything.
...
Peach missed that part of the X-Naut agenda.
Grodus noticed the complete and utter confusion Peach went through, and starts taking a closer look.
Peach runs the hell away. So much for TEC's question.
(Of course, she does forget the cross salute. No doubt Grodus will be very suspicious, although he never figures out what happened.)
Peach has to manually undress for the player's benefit, which gives her a short soliloquy about the fact she's just learned the X-Nauts are planning world domination.
You have to go back into the same stall you changed in the first time. Your dress is still in it, obviously!
Well, that's done.
You can get back in the uniform if you go back in. I thought there'd be a different Easter Egg, but I think that isn't a thing. Ah well.
Leaving the change room warps you to TEC's computer room. I feel like leaving Grodus's room should've gone straight here. The obligatory "change back" added nothing, and kinda added too much breathing room to an important plot point.
Peach has just learned the X-Nauts want to conquer the world. Thus far, she's assumed they've been peculiar treasure hunters- more dangerous than Bowser, but not much more ambitious.
And TEC sees no problem with being an accessory to this.
So far, TEC has been nothing but friendly, and the player has kinda been assuming they're an allied character as a result. But no, right now, TEC is still functionally hostile, and their efforts to unlock the secrets of love a strange side objective to complete because TEC was created with the capacity for boredom and self-improvement, for reasons known only to Grodus's overlarge brain.
TEC's counterargument is a warning sign to that most often misused of plot points: A villain who acts in the name of social injustices that the current system is perpetuating, and which the heroes have no plans to resolve. This is an argument that comes out of nowhere, and the X-Nauts do not offer any indication they plan to follow up on what these objections might be, or how them acquiring the legendary treasure is intended to fix them.
Peach, for her part, isn't really prepared to grapple with the injustices being a monarch imposes upon her kingdom. This is an issue with her being doomed to spend eternity as a character in an archetype first imposed on her in 1985 and never being allowed to develop beyond that because the product you'd create just wouldn't be Mario anymore. We're not going to begrudge her for that.
What we are going to take away is that TEC does not actually do any elaboration on what the X-Naut aims are themselves. We're going to move this conversation away from this point entirely, and the reason why will be answered in the next Peach intermission. I had never given this post-disguise conversation much thought, but it turns out that when you read the Peach intermissions in order without all the Mario stuff in between, this scene is a keystone in the arc because of the precise connections it has to particular phrases uttered in the next one.
But still, thankfully it gets resolved in the next one.
Peach asks directly what Grodus and the X-Nauts expect to gain and how they expect to use that power. This is all lumped in to that above point of "put a pin in this".
Peach drops the argument, realising she's got no chance of winning the argument with a machine.
Peach asserts her right to a use of the communicator, having completed a favour for TEC. Well, to the best of her ability, she did not answer TEC's question. But still.
TEC's pause may be to consider whether Peach has actually done as he has promised, and it may also be to consider whether allowing Peach to send an email containing confidential information (which Peach has verbally confirmed she intends to send) constitutes a violation of his order to keep that information private.
Peach having absolutely no patience for accessories of world domination.
And TEC successfully sending Peach's email.
TEC recognises that continued interaction with them is only going to make Peach angrier, and recommends Peach go take a break. Mostly so she doesn't start smashing them.
Peach has nothing but a cold, emotionless stare to throw at him as she leaves.
And TEC continues their self-serving habit of offering a polite farewell after she has already left, despite knowing full well that they are definitely not currently in Peach's good books.
Romantic stories, and other stories where two characters meet and bond, often have a section where the two characters get into an argument- often, in the worst cases, over a misunderstanding. This intermission represents that argument, with Peach learning exactly what kind of bad news the X-Nauts are, and losing any goodwill she might have had for their helpful-but-otherwise-evil computer. And like the good examples of these kinds of stories, this game knows exactly which character is the one in the wrong and needs to reassess their viewpoints. TEC has thus far gotten away with plying Peach with the use of his communicator, but she is under no obligation to teach TEC anything about love to advance their need to become "perfect", and I find it highly unlikely she will be so generous in the future without some effort from TEC to see things her way.
Since they're a computer... who knows how that's going to happen.
Anyway, that was a heavy character moment, time to break out the comic relief.
Bowser has moved on from his random appearance in Glitzville to go back to his regularly scheduled "being two steps behind" and moving on to the Great Tree.
This visit to Glitzville has nothing to do with Kammy, and the fact that Bowser was allowed to just make his way over here in time for his appearance implies that Grubba just threw him out after his appearance in the ring.
By the way, you can lose that fight with him and progress the story.
Considering how isolated this place is from anything important, I'm almost impressed Kammy found any information on it at all. It may, in fact, be information founded on the fact Mario has been here, explaining how they were so slow to catch up.
This intermission is short, an echo of the first one.
We just have to find the one bush containing the NPC that progresses the plot.
Not this one.
This one back here has Punio and Petuni.
I suspect this one is Puniper, although there's nothing really confirming it.
Bowser cannot use the pipe or the door.
So finding the Elder it is.
Yup.
And making no effort to pretend to be anything else, are we, Kammy? I guess there's no hiding Bowser's sinister nature from anyone.
The Puni Elder has no patience for any rudeness, even from evildoers.
Then don't antagonise people. Rolls eyes.
Bowser gets his choice of witty retort to comment on the situation.
Regardless of which one you pick, Bowser won't actually say it, possessing enough self-restraint that him being a playable character fits, even if that's probably less because "it's rude" and more because he doesn't want to antagonise Kammy Koopa.
Bowser steps in and demands results.
The Puni Elder disarms him by revealing exactly what he wanted to know.
And right now, they are probably feeling really vindicated about that decision. If they didn't give it to Mario, Bowser would just grab it anyway.
"Eh, might as well tell them. Marty-o can handle it, and that's assuming these two losers make it that far."
Well, la-di-da. You understood what she meant.
That does, finally, teach Bowser and Kammy something- although admittedly, this is a misconception on Mario's part that the Puni Elder is parroting and simply confusing Bowser even further. Maybe we ought to consider getting him to focus on the Peach thing.
Their ego is one thing, but I wonder if these two are capable of understanding the sheer hypocrisy of that line.
Bowser ends on a line that sounds far less impressive when you remember he got beaten up by us back in Glitzville even though the had the upper hand by showing up while we were exhausted.
All in all, this intermission is definitely filler, and barely qualifies as entertaining filler to follow up Peach with. The Punies just aren't funny stacked up to Bowser, not that the game gave much effort in trying. I'd say this entire segment is a giant novelty, but even that gives it too much credit it doesn't deserve. At least let him fail one of the weight puzzles with the Puni Orb.
Back to Mario, our friends in the Glitz Pit have come to see us off. Strangely, this is Jolene, Rawk Hawk, the Armoured Harriers, King K and Bandy Andy. Prince Mush is off recovering, I assume.
Just as Jolene has no quarrel with giving us the Gold Star, she has no quarrel with the idea that we have to leave. And, without all the various mysteries of the Pit stopping them, they can continue running without our appeal. It sucks to our many fans, but the time has come for us to leave.
Rawk Hawk apologises for his dirty play and goes straight. He's based on the idea of a heel wrestler, but he is not a heel and his actions are independent of the Glitz Pit. And with Grubba fired and Jolene taking on the role of manager, they probably won't be condoned anymore.
Rawk Hawk's going to make it to the top on his own merits this time.
King K says this, but doesn't really have anything to offer us but good vibes. There would be a good opportunity to pay this off, but technically speaking, it is not, for strange reasons. In short: I think the devs intended this line to be paid off later, but it was the technical team who messed up the implementation.
Strangely, he's also rejoined the Glitz Pit. Both the KP Koopas and the Hand-it-Overs have been restored thanks to us saving King K and Bandy Andy, and Wings of Night and Destructors are now no longer a part of the Glitz Pit. There's a part of me that wishes King K committed to his retirement, although I'm not sure if that's something King K needs (the redemption of the Glitz Pit removes some of his incentives to retire) or just because I feel bad about Sir Swoop.
She says this, and she means this, but if you do try, it turns out there's a weird technical hiccup and your records got corrupted, so you have to re-establish them manually. This is mostly because the main reason you'd ever want to do this mechanically is to gather all the Tattles you didn't get the first time around because you were more concerned about winning than 100% completion, and the devs didn't want to force you to rank down all the way manually.
I'll be showing off both the technical hiccup and the reclimbing the ranks later, but significantly later. We'll be forced to see the former to do any Troubles Jolene participates in, since it's tied to re-entering her office.
We're immediately thrown out of the Glitz Pit, so we can't talk to, or Tattle, any of the NPCs in that room. To be fair, Rawk Hawk has already been an NPC in that room, his would be awkward.
Back to adventure!
As stated, everyone's gone and left. We won't be able to talk to King K and Bandy Andy unless we actually go deal with this enrollment thing.
...You haven't even gotten over your giddy phase to talk to him yet? Wow, you're giddier than I remember. I knew she took a while, but I thought that was just because of how much real time it took.
Poor guy's a bit of a dork right now, too. He can't help it, but damn if that doesn't hurt.
...No one tell them I can't stay here forever once I'm done saving the world, though.
Yes, this guy is really this asinine.
His buddy leaves a bit to be desired.
Toodles continues to lavish praise on us-
Before dropping us like a hot potato. Easy come, easy go. See you in Chapter 6.
"We're all made of paper, remember? What paper creature makes its own fire?"
...Right, Fire Bro. exists in the Glitz Pit.
Please don't. It's a lot less of a literal dead end than it was when I started, but please don't.
Sadly... no. I've just quit fighting for other people's amusement.
Dr. Agon's fan has some remarks for us.
But show him the Doc and he'll mourn his absence, too. I appreciate he mourns us both equally.
Even Security enjoys our company.
Going into the ring allows us to watch random matches. Here we can see The Fuzz against the Poker Faces- despite both of these guys being Chapter 1 enemies, they're both Major Leaguers (because black Fuzzy comes with Chapter 5 enemies behind him.) The base Ranks for each appear to be 6 and 8, respectively- close enough I can see them getting into fights.
The Flower Fuzzy could win this if he could leech FP, but I don't think they'll have any luck on a Bristle. Do Bristles even have FP?
Since I know the story, I'd also suggest letting me advance the plot a little further before becoming Bub's tutor. No reason... no reason...
You're going to be disappointed. I'm only going to get more powerful.
Maybe you could ask if he can commission a fake Gold Star and you can wear it on a fancy regular belt? You wouldn't be the Champ, but you would feel like one.
...Damn.
Already there. Although I'm not sure that's the reason why.
Again, easy come, easy go. This guy's back to Rawk Hawk, although considering he doesn't fight dirty anymore, I'm not sure how much that affects his margins.
Wow... they really went all out for this area. Someone on the writing staff had to be a big wrestling fan.
By the way, she doesn't seem to be here, but you can catch the mystery Fresh Juice lady out here still sometimes. She also answers some questions the player might have had:
???: Thank you, Great Gonzales... No, thank you, MARIO... You're a true champion. Huh? Who am I, you ask? Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm! You don't know? I'm someone you know quite well, actually. When I go outside the arena, I like to cut loose and shed my other personality...
Admittedly, she doesn't answer them directly, but if you haven't figured it out from her design and a few clues scattered throughout the plot, the mystery Fresh Juice lady is Jolene when she's off the clock. This half-double-life thing was used against her by Grubba when we overheard them talk from the vents, and it is an answer to the second half of Bandy Andy's "Grubba and Jolene" Wonder of the Glitz Pit. I like that this never appeared in the story itself- it really felt like a mystery that didn't need to be part of the Chapter 3 story, and if you figured it out by design alone, her spending all her time gushing about Mush is the main connection you get between Jolene and Mush before the ending.
These NPCs didn't seem to be here on the first tour, but they showed up subsequently. The Toad girl wants to ride on the blimp but gets airsick (a huge problem considering where she is), and the Lakitu is a wannabe comedian. They're both comic relief NPCs and I was running way overlong with Chapter 3's coverage, but this last line in the post-chapter state is hilarious in the context of the story.
Back to Rogueport.
I think I missed emails that didn't play the Ice Land theme.
As promised, Peach has mentioned the X-Nauts being world-conquerors. And, possibly as a surprise to even TEC, Mario has received the message with no tampering.
Yeah... I think we've heard the stakes loud and clear.
This ending fits with how we saw the Peach intermission ending: Peach doesn't trust TEC anymore. What information can she gather without him? Ultimately, the thing that will help TEC win her trust back is that she doesn't want to be useless to Mario.
Koops: Th-Th-They want to rule the w-w-world? Ummm... I don't like the sound of that...
Flurrie: They wish to rule the world? Well, I refuse to bow to such megalomaniacs!
Dr. Agon: Those dudes wanna rule the world? That would stink!
Frankly will be informed after we get our next destination.
Also, shoutouts to Dr. Agon and his "that stinks".
Just cutting through this way this time. There's a few Shine Sprites and Star Pieces I could be getting, but I already got those mid-chapter.
Next stop?
...Into the woods.
Koops: That's the fourth Crystal Star, all right. Professor Frankly better look at this. Before he does, though, we oughta let him know what Princess Peach wrote...
Flurrie: That's where the fourth Crystal Star is, but we'll need Frankly to translate. I suppose we also should tell him what Princess Peach wrote in that recent e-mail...
Dr. Agon: Hey! That shows where the fourth Crystal Star is! Can't that Frankly guy read it? That'd be cool, but first we better tell him what Princess Peach's e-mail said, right?!?
I'm starting to wonder if we're not actually in any danger if the X-Nauts get their hands on this map. Can they even read it?
Anyway, Frankly, we have some bad news.
Well... need the treasure is wrong. Want the treasure is more accurate... although that does raise one major question...
What could possibly be sealed behind the Thousand Year Door that would allow for world domination?
Frankly talks about a book that held a theory he had previously dismissed out of hand, because it didn't line up with consensus.
...But in light of this new evidence, the theory it proposes is far more appealing.
He has not yet decided the theory is true, but he is going to consider it more readily. If the treasure were riches, well... the X-Nauts don't seem to want for that.
And, of course, our objectives have not changed.
Because far worse than world domination rests in the hands of someone who has the power of a great cataclysm.
Right! Tell us where our next stop is!
It's a bit of a weird town. Not much seems to get out about it- which means there must be something big and probably Crystal Star-shaped going on.
Frankly goes into his book pile and pulls out a book to check.
Oh yeah, I remember that...
Koops: Ummmmm... Hey, Professor? We tried going into that pipe, but we got spat back out...
Flurrie: Frankly! We went into that blasted pipe, but something pushed us right back out!
Dr. Agon: Hey, Prof! The pipe's a no-go! We went in, but we got pushed right back out!
There are two different versions of this protest, depending on whether you've already found the pipe and had it reject you, or if you went and checked it after Frankly pointed you to it.
Goombella: Professor! We found the pipe that leads to Twilight Town... But it totally didn't work! It just pushes you right back out! We can't get through.
Koops: Umm, Professor... We found the pipe to Twilight Town... But I don't think it works. The thing just rejects us. There's no way through it.
Flurrie: Frankly! We found the pipe you said would take us to Twilight Town... But it doesn't work, darling. It just pushed us back out. Can't you do something?
Dr. Agon: Yo, Prof! We found your pipe, and that thing's all stopped up! We tried and tried, but we can't break through it! Got any drain cleaner?
And sadly, the funny one is the one that requires backtracking. Fitting, though.
Frankly doesn't have an answer prepared, and has no idea what one could even look for. This is a pretty interesting point- it implies the blockage was added on later, and the fact (and the reason) does not yet appear in scientifically-recognised texts. There is a reason for this particular roadblock, and the game never explicitly explains it.
Fortunately, if we want in, we have someone we can ask.
He tells us the name, but... not where he lives.
He is on this map, though.
The Trash Can would only contain Macho Grubba's Tattle. All Glitz Pit fighters are rematchable, and Bowser's Tattle counts for the second fight too.
Oh hey, more emails!
Wow, X really racked up the numbers on our inbox. Mario, have you considered folders?
Dear Mario and Koops,
I hope you two are doing OK. I have to admit, with Koops gone, I haven't been doing very well. I get lonely, and I go into Koops's house, and I smell that Koops smell. I guess it's your cologne or whatever, but it makes me so sad... I'd gotten used to your smell, Koops... Oh! And the thing is, your dad, Koopley, has his own smell, and it's... weird. I think maybe it's the smell of Hooktail's gut. That's... disgusting. Now I grossed myself out. Oh, and since he's gonna be my dad, too, someday, I'd better get used to that smell, huh? ...Oh! What am I writing? I'm so embarrassed... but I'm sending this anyway! Hee hee hee!
Love, Koopie Koo
...I feel less OK with having Koops around on this quest. Annoyingly, there's one puzzle that needs him in Chapter 4, but otherwise, I'd like to imagine he went home. He doesn't need to see this chapter.
Pine T. Jr:
Hey, you know what? My daddy found a new job! He takes care of Bubu in Toad Town. He's all recharged now! I'm still not good at studying, but I'm trying so I can help my daddy! I don't know what I can do to help Daddy yet, but I'm gonna study lots until I figure something out, OK? Well, see ya!
From, Pine T.
Unlike most references to Paper Mario 64, the developers did catch this was supposed to be Toad Town. That is the best they managed, however: "Bubu" is supposed to be the Li'l Oinks.
...
I have never done this Trouble as soon as possible, and that is hilarious timing...
Darkly lives right behind Merlon's house. Would've been nice to get a "this is what a Twilighter looks like" textbox.
This is such a ludicrously weak bit of security, and it is utterly dismantled by the most rudimentary of ID systems. Do you carry... a driver's license? Labelled clothing? A diary?
And Darkly is so amazed to hear Mario doesn't have something, as if the idea that the blockage to Twilight Town might keep anything out of it is completely ludicrous. Indeed, this obstacle is so minor that there is absolutely no reason why we'd ever be inconvenienced by it again.
Darkly will not only facilitate access to Twilight Town, he'll do it himself.
Although his choice of position could use work.
He also does your partner. Fortunately, this isn't a case of "he only does your active partner", all seven partners will be able to enter and exit Twilight Town freely.
Koops: Um... K-Koops.
Flurrie: Depends on who's asking! For you, I am Flurrie. ♥
Dr. Agon: Dr. Agon, baby!
How is Goombella the boring one?
Koops: H-Hey! Think you could ease up on jabbing me, Pokey?
Flurrie: Mmmm... A bit to the left... ♥
Dr. Agon: Hey! Watch where you're drawing, buddy!
I'd say what Darkly gets up to in the comfort of his dark alley is his business, but damn if I'm not highly concerned.
Ahahaha... ha...
Next time: All the miscellaneous errands we didn't take out mid-Chapter 3, and also Luigi. Poor Luigi didn't even make Part 1 this time.
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