When Mario's time is over, a series of panels appears over the screen, shows Mario's face for a few seconds, and then the panels wipe in reverse order. Sometimes the Marios blink. It is terrifying.
To the surprise of absolutely nobody, Peach got kidnapped. To the surprise of the in-universe characters (although perhaps not to the player), the culprits this time are these mysterious soldiers. Yes, they have a salute.
To note, do not adjust the picture, we are seeing this scene occur through a monitor. This will be relevant later, I would like to draw attention to it now.
"The Princess Peach you ordered". That's certainly a choice of words.
This transition is probably the most important image in this entire update. I will be revisiting this shot later, but suffice it to say the story we are about to be told needs this image.
After this electrical short, we watch the remainder of this interrogation through conventional means.
They are really writing this game like a Fire Emblem game, aren't they?
Anyway, say hello to the commander of this mysterious army. What the hell is he? I don't know either. The lack of detail on what the hell the deal is with this lot enhances their mystique among the Mario RPG's non-Koopa Troop villainous teams. They are probably the most popular of the bunch, and it's hard to argue.
Peach, continuing to exercise her genre-savvy bone, goes on the denial. A group like this, it doesn't matter how much they care. Don't tell them anything.
The emphasis is entirely correct. The merchant who gave Peach the map is affiliated with this group.
We finally get a name, and it's in the breath of them threatening Peach. This is an empty threat, although I wonder how empty they can get away with.
And Peach is starting to wonder the same thing. She has no idea what they're capable of, and that is highly concerning.
The interrogation is interrupted by an X-Naut with a report. Also, we get a name on the boss: Grodus. It's a pretty lacking name, admittedly. Shoutouts to the French "Cruxinistre".
The X-Nauts were aware of the Diamond Star, but they hadn't allocated enough resources to staking a foothold before we did. Whoops.
Grodus thought the Diamond Star was in no real danger of being sniped, because Hooktail was just that dangerous. Not only are we competing with him, we're doing so with some serious firepower.
This doesn't seem to be too relevant other than giving a description of the target.
Peach realises immediately who this otherwise non-descript character is.
And Grodus immediately catches on to the fact that Peach knows this new Mario character. Whoops.
Fortunately for Peach, Grodus doesn't need to ask any further questions about Mario. He has his own ways of learning more. I don't think we ever find out what those are. I feel terrified not knowing.
So much for the threats of torture he gave. There is a reason provided for this, although how far he can push that isn't given. Still, Grodus has no further use for Peach in this conversation.
There's something cold in a "You got it, sir" from a bunch of goofy little toys.
And the monitor X-Naut logs off.
Leaving Grodus alone with Crump. I had been told Grodus didn't address him as such. Apparently I was misinformed. Maybe after a few failures, he loses interest.
The X-Nauts know one Crystal Star location, and are currently attempting to take it for themselves. If they don't leverage this, they're going to lose it.
Crump wasn't paying attention, although now that it's his neck on the line, he knows when to scarper. He doesn't do the X-Naut salute- there is an animation for Crump doing so, but it is never used. He's not supposed to be disloyal, just an idiot.
Even Grodus realises that Crump cannot be trusted with anything important.
So he calls for someone to take a message.
OK, these guys try to take themselves seriously, but the X-Naut grunts are just so comically pathetic and stupid that they manage to toe the line on keeping them from turning this game grimdark. Grodus proves to be an intimidating villain in spite of the competence, or lack thereof, of these losers, but their technology and planning capacity is not an indicator that we should be scared of these people while they are on screen.
Grodus refuses to listen to this drivel, and tells him to actually do the thing he called him to do.
The Shadow Sirens aren't, strictly speaking, X-Nauts, but they are X-Naut sympathisers. They don't seem to be the favourite people in the group, but they are competent. Ish.
Grodus will overlook the open fear as long as he gets results. You don't give him results, he will reconsider his stance on not zapping you on the spot.
There's like no time between the X-Naut leaving and the Sirens arriving, which makes me wonder if they were there the whole time. We will learn one of their major abilities is being in a room without being noticed.
Say hello to the Shadow Sirens. From right to left, Beldam, Marilyn and Vivian. Most people see the pink spot on Vivian's face as her eye, but considering Marilyn has blush stickers, I have to wonder if Vivian's eyes are supposed to be hidden too.
Beldam has this to say, which probably rules out the possibility of them having heard the conversation.
The game never explicitly confirms this, to my knowledge, but it is common consensus that Beldam was the merchant, with this line being the major supporting evidence. I agree with this, because Beldam possessing the box the Magical Map came in makes the most sense as far as later story reveals go.
...You know, this is interesting as far as that Frankly timeline I didn't understand goes. I've always assumed this strange old man was Toadsworth, finally realising he lost his charge, but no, Toadsworth never saw Peach after this encounter. Was this supposed to be Frankly? Frankly stated that Peach came to him, but while Rogueport is home to many colourful characters, I do not believe it is home to many "strange old men", and the number of such people Peach is in safe hands with is even smaller.
Beldam figures they don't need to worry too much. All they need to do is get the map from Mario.
Grodus doesn't think this is something that should have been left to chance in the first place. I think these two will have to agree to disagree until Beldam can successfully get the map back like she's promising.
Grodus isn't leaving her up the creek without a paddle, but he is judging them.
And off they go to find Mario.
Marilyn and Vivian don't get any lines in this scene. Marilyn says one line in the whole game, and I feel like that was by mistake. Vivian, though...
Anyway, back to the monitor.
The monitor cuts to these two rooms briefly. The first image is sort of a spoiler, but we will never be visiting either of these rooms until we come to this area as Mario.
The monitor locks on to Peach's cell.
It's not quite 20 years and Peach is just as sick of it as we are.
She's got no idea what the hell is going on, and would like to at least inform people what she does know (not much).
We get to walk around as Peach! Nothing in the background can be checked for flavour text this time.
Of course it doesn't.
We can go in this room, though!
This is the bathroom. And there's a shower with a paper item.
You are allowed to have Peach run a shower for herself. You may assume, due to the law of "we don't have a lot of things in this room to interact with", that taking a shower is the flag to progress the story. It's not- the game's flag is just entering the bathroom and leaving.
Her towelling game is on point. She's made of paper, how is she not still wet?
The sole point of this shower is to let Peach switch to the Super Mario Sunshine ponytail. IS seemed really fond of this one, and both TTYD and SPM have a way to switch Peach to the ponytail. The sports games, including Mario Kart, have her wearing this ponytail across the whole game. Which is kinda ironic, since Daisy is still using the more feminine standard hairstyle despite being the more tomboyish of the two.
Sadly, the ponytail doesn't persist over load transitions. SPM's ponytail is somewhere where you can do some stuff, but it's still pretty disappointing.
Now that the room has been reloaded, we are now allowed to leave. What is less clear is why.
No one's around to let us out.
We don't have free access to the fortress, though.
Peach is happy to investigate further. There's not much way this can get any worse.
Peach enters a room with all the power on power-saving mode.
And the computer boots up on its own.
Say hello to the X-Naut base's autonomous AI.
TEC-XX, or TEC, as they are usually called, is a staple of any sufficiently futuristic complex- an AI running the system in the background. It's probably the only intelligence in the X-Naut Army Grodus trusts to do what he asks it to do.
Grodus's goal was to design the perfect AI. This is a courageous gambit, and one that is pretty likely to backfire in his face. Rule #1 of designing an AI: Never code it to prioritise anything other than exactly what you intend it to do. TEC's job is maintaining the integrity of the Fortress, "the perfect computer" is overkill for this purpose, and overkill can and will be used against you.
Peach doesn't have Grodus's name memorised, but she does recognise it.
Thankfully for Grodus, TEC is a very loyal machine.
Peach has more important concerns than convincing the AI to defect. AIs are famously difficult to argue with- they can get stuck in loops denying your wishes.
At any rate, this is the plot point I've been alluding to earlier. This is a very interesting scene, with interesting in heavy quotes, in the common perception. Thankfully, I am able to discredit this issue.
TEC saw Peach, and felt some very unusual urges. Considering the soft flag to advance the story to this state, it is generally assumed that TEC overheated seeing Peach take a shower. Which, you know, is about as creepy as it sounds.
Remember this transition? This is the short TEC is talking about. The fact it is in response to Peach in open distress makes TEC that much more sympathetic.
That does leave the matter of the shower scene setting up this misinterpretation. The devs definitely included the shower scene at all as an easter egg for the ponytail, but forcing you to enter that room (and soft-implying the shower scene is necessary) is far less obvious. I assume they needed you to reload the room for some technical reason. It does leave a very unfortunate impression, though.
TEC has no idea what caused this, and every test they runs seems to return the result "NEED MORE DATA".
TEC is the perfect computer. There is nothing they should not know. So, confronted with something they does not understand... they resolve to put in a concerted effort to find out. Even if it has no benefit for Grodus's plans.
Peach tries diagnosing the issue herself. Computer literate that she is. I don't know if Peach has ever been seen in the same room as a computer by this point in the series.
Peach draws a wildly unusual conclusion.
And TEC latches on to her suggestion, because they really desperately want to figure out what they're working with.
Around this point, Peach, and possibly the writers, start to get the slightest hint of doubt in this story concept. And it is highly deserved, too.
TEC insists that Peach share.
Thousand Year Door: The video game in which a computer falls in love with Princess Peach.
This arc was an extremely risky one. If they did this even the slightest bit sloppily, it would be impossible to take TTYD as a whole seriously because it would be roundly mocked as "that game with the computer that falls in love with Peach". The whole joke about TEC's crush starting when they watched her shower edges close to that. And yet, somehow, they pulled it off. TEC is one of this game's most beloved characters, and I feel as if their arc is under-appreciated, if anything.
...But still, guys. The computer is in love.
A very reasonable omission. It is highly probable Grodus doesn't know what it is either. He certainly doesn't care, and would not have thought to program the concept into his personal computer.
And Peach begins explaining love as a concept.
And this is the key to TEC's arc. Peach doesn't just teach them about love being doing romantic things with your significant other- she teaches them the fundamental tenets of the human condition underpinning why love is the most significant part of our existence.
TEC: "I understand all of those words, but these sentences are meaningless to me."
They keep coming back to this. Yeah, next time you program an AI, Grodus, skip the ego. A computer that can accept imperfection would brush this whole thing aside without even trying to talk to Peach.
TEC suddenly realising this is not going to be a one-conversation thing.
And asks if this can become a more regular occurence.
They are only in this to fill out their memory banks and truly "know everything".
TEC will provide anything Peach desires in exchange.
...Well, anything that does not directly contradict Grodus's explicit orders.
If you'll recall Paper Mario 64, one of the Peach intermissions involved Peach baking a cake for Gourmet Guy, and she was willing to help with no questions. TTYD Peach is more reserved and savvy, not interested in helping TEC because they asked "nicely".
Good question.
I also love how casually they admit that. Either Grodus deliberately programmed TEC to comprehend the emotion of anger, or the X-Nauts regularly swear up a storm when they fail to understand TEC's logical routines and do things that TEC interprets differently from how they intended it. I can only imagine Grodus accidentally searching movies about Crystal Stars.
TEC is so desperate to achieve perfection that they are willing to go behind their boss's back and aid a person who is technically their captive.
They're serious about this.
To prove this point, they also allow Peach a freebie wish for just this conversation.
And Peach decides to take that offer.
Peach decides to use this wish to send an email. Small, easily done, and really powerful if she sends the right message.
And TEC complies without question.
TEC says this is his personal computer, but really, Peach is logging on to her personal email account. Maybe she's using TEC's as a proxy, but the email received will appear to be from Peach.
Reminder that Peach is not exactly a computer whiz, and her assertion that TEC's problem is that they are in love may not be based on sound reasoning and instead fitting a heart-shaped peg into a round hole.
There isn't an animation on the screen for her typing, so I can only assume she is typing the message perfectly without visual confirmation. I could barely type this sentence without making three typoes.
There is a visual indicator the message is being sent, although perhaps TEC could just be displaying this to be comforting.
TEC allows the conversation to be over and let Peach reflect on the matter.
These conversations happen after every chapter, as they did in 64, and this is mostly out of convenience rather than timing, like 64 could be argued to be. I'm not arguing too much, I'd rather not get time with TEC while I'm in the middle of an exciting Chapter.
Peach: "...What was I supposed to say to end that conversation?"
TEC picks up the sign off.
As previously discussed, TEC's arc with Peach is something they leaned really hard into, pulling off an insane story concept in a pleasing way. Peach and TEC's interactions also prove to be direct improvements on what Peach and Twink were doing in 64, for two main reasons. One, Peach's antics in the X-Naut Fortress have clear cause and effect within the story being told. And second, Peach is not being asked to find out Mario's next destination. Mario has the Magical Map for that now, and as 64 showed towards the end, Twink was really not a great means of communicating where to go because of the mechanics of how he works. As a result, Peach's messages to Mario are instead about other topics, relevant to what goes on during the TEC arc, and they are stronger for it. This is another instance where we can see TTYD look at a problem with 64 and directly improve on it, and this is one that they did so perfectly. TTYD's incarnation of Peach may just be the best she has in the whole franchise.
Anyway, that's enough gushing for one update, here's the other end of the scales. TTYD has two intermission segments between each chapter.
We saw Mario, we saw Peach, and there's one more iconic Mario character who hasn't had their time in the spotlight yet.
Say hello to Bowser. Having had the position of "TTYD's villain" usurped from him by Grodus while he wasn't looking, the people up top reminded IS to keep the iconic bad guy in the frame and they slapped together something for him to do.
Bowser is not even aware of what he's up to today.
This is a gameplay section, where we get to run around as Bowser. The extent of the gameplay will be walking Bowser to the end of the hallway, talking to NPCs as we go.
The Koopatrols are not very interesting.
Bowser is as egotistical as ever, and inspecting the statues of his likeness tell you why they are there.
These two Hammer Bros. are gossiping.
Or, well, one of them is. The other one of them has self-preservation instincts.
It's still this one telling the story if you stand on the other side. But this is the perfect "right behind me" joke.
I don't... think we have the option of breathing fire while playing as Bowser? I may just have not tried the button.
Talking to these two again gets this exchange, which is tautologically untrue.
This Hammer Bros is a bit more in line with Bowser's wishes.
Says the guy who probably weighs as much as a stone statue of himself.
More egotism.
This one is more unique.
The "item find" jingle actually plays.
Although Bowser is just taking the mickey out of whatever person happens to be controlling him. Bowser's probably not used to being under player control, this doesn't usually happen in games with stories.
OK, these two aren't exciting.
You can't talk to the Koopatrols at the end- they're behind the trigger to get Kammy Koopa to spawn.
Kammy: "Next time, I ask for this conversation in the room with a conveyor belt."
So then, what has Kammy Koopa found for Bowser this time?
You are making a very poor argument otherwise.
Kammy's report is the game's plot: Mario is off on vacation.
Bowser is not impressed. Their objective is Peach, Mario's movements aren't so critical. He also may not be aware of the area's reputation for bad guys- he may want to hurry over so Mario doesn't get a new nemesis.
That changed Bowser's attitude. Bowser's greed, while an element of his character, usually isn't that major. This time, it's mostly a reason to get Bowser in the same place as all the other characters.
Kammy knows we're hunting for fabulous gemstones, but does not yet know their purpose. She seems to be assuming the Stars themselves are the end, rather than a means to an end.
Bowser: "I can probably use them to take over the world!" Well, a few of them...
Bowser agrees to allow Kammy to continue studying this. For evil purposes.
...Hm...
I think all it changes is this response. Because yeah, it really is that non-sequitir.
...You need a retirement.
Bowser berates her for going completely off track. I find myself struggling to disagree with him.
Although let's not claim you're not a clod goofing off here.
Bowser then proceeds to have a temper tantrum, stomping the room enough to get it to start shaking.
"And mine, too..."
This Magikoopa is probably The Kamek. He's doing actual work.
And delivers the news that Peach has been kidnapped. Which definitely feels like something someone on Team Bowser should've been looking into.
Bowser is very territorial about his position as Mario's villain, and if a game includes someone else in the position, you can expect to see Bowser railing against them.
Hey, Mario doesn't know who did it, pretty much no one except the culprits seem too sure, cut Kamek some slack.
Bowser, on being told Mario is on a treasure hunt: "Keep an eye on it."
Bowser, on being told someone has stolen his job as princess kidnapper: "I will tear that city apart until I find her."
It may be a point in Bowser's credit that he is so territorial about other villains intruding on his space. Mario and co. can trust Bowser to treat Peach well because he cares so highly about what happens if other people try to take her instead. I wonder how many kidnappings Peach has suffered over the years that Bowser stuffed and turned into his own without Mario being aware there was any other guilty party.
Bowser runs off screen to grab his Clown Car.
And goes right through the wall. The Koopa Troop will be hard at work fixing that for a while.
Kammy rushes to follow suit. This is the last we'll see of Bowser's Castle in this game.
The Bowser intermissions have one clearly defined job: Be comic relief. Grodus has usurped Bowser entirely and has no interest in being in Bowser's league, and Bowser will spend the intermissions running around the Rogueport world and accomplishing nothing of note. I joked that IS was asked to give Bowser a larger role as a development mandate, but I could believe IS didn't have a story purpose for him in mind when writing the initial draft and added him later- he is so tacked on that even the scenes where he gets to meet Mario feel like they could've been written out of the story entirely. Admittedly, he does do one thing, but he does so by accident.
TTYD gives us a damn good Peach, but it may just be the worst incarnation of Bowser in the franchise- or at the very least, the worst incarnation of Bowser in a story that isn't something like the cartoon or Hotel Mario, where camp and general incompetence does not reflect badly on the characters, but the work itself. Back in 64, the writers tipped their hand about Bowser's general oafishness, but he was still the story's big villain, and thus got to get some wins by virtue of making it to the final boss fight with his dignity intact. TTYD thoroughly and utterly humiliates him, and makes one wonder why anyone treats him with respect or fear. This isn't a problem unique to TTYD- the Mario & Luigi games contemporary to this one have a similar approach to Bowser's dignity- but it is a relic of the time the game was produced. After Bowser's Inside Story, the direction of a Bowser that actually treated his minions with respect while being intimidating, cool, and still funny got codified, and Bowser is allowed to participate in stories without being made the butt of the joke. Although strangely, the modern Paper Mario games didn't get the memo. I wonder if perhaps IS is the one to blame here.
Next time: We get back to Mario.
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